He sits down just behind me, his chest against my back and his legs through the openings in the rail on either side of mine. His arms loop around my waist and he pulls me back against him, and for a long moment neither of us speaks.
“She’s in the guest bedroom,” he says. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. She’s so—well, she’s been through a lot.”
I want to remind him that he’s been through a lot as well, that he doesn’t have to make excuses for her, but I know it’s not my place. She’s his sister, whether I like it or not, and family trumps girlfriend. Why, the more I think about it, the more I realize how many similarities there are between this situation and the one with Calder and my dad. It doesn’t matter how gentlemanly Calder behaves, or how many times he volunteers at the Center—my dad still has a tendency to blow hot and cold at him. But Calder’s never complained. He’s never questioned my dad’s behavior, nor spoken a negative word against him at all. He respects that familial bond and my love for my dad too much.
If I can’t offer him the same respect in return, then maybe I don’t deserve him.
“You did the right thing,” I tell him, though the words sound false on my tongue. “Do you think she’s really in trouble?”
“Louisa’s a handful,” he says. “She’s always been. But she has a gift for getting herself out of any scrapes she finds herself in.”
It’s difficult, after meeting her, to reconcile the real Lou with the one I’ve always imagined. Since Calder never really talked about her, I always pictured her as the girl they portrayed in the media: overly sweet and dedicated to her philanthropy. So dedicated that she chose to help people on the other side of the world over helping her brother. But I need to stop thinking like that. For better or for worse, she’s still Calder’s sister.
I want to ask him if she said anything about our relationship, if she gave voice to the doubts he’s been feeling, but I don’t want to sound insecure. I need to trust him.
“Is she… back for good?” I ask.
Calder sighs. “I don’t know. We have a lot to catch up on.” He strokes my inner arm with his thumb. “She’s just… she can be reckless. But she’s my sister, you know? She’s the only family I have.”
The only family. I’m not sure why his words hit me so hard, but my stomach twists.
“I feel like this is a second chance for Louisa and me,” he says. “We’ve… we’ve drifted, these past few years. But we need each other now, more than ever.”
I try not to think about what her continued presence in our lives might mean. She’s no longer supported by her family’s money—is Calder going to have to help support her until she finds a job on this side of the world? Calder seems to suggest this isn’t completely abnormal behavior for her—does that mean this will become a regular thing, her causing trouble and showing up in the middle of the night?
Almost as soon as I think such thoughts, the shame hits. Who am I to brush off part of Calder’s life because of a little inconvenience? I love Calder, and that means all of him. Crazy sister included. I might find this situation far from ideal, but it’s not about me. It’s about Calder, too. About us. I will push my selfish fears aside and accept the bad with the good.
I tilt my head back and nestle it under his chin. I can feel his heartbeat against my back. My hands find his in the darkness. He feels so steady, so solid, that I find my worries flitting away.
And then, in spite of everything, I laugh.
I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. For someone who claims to love games—the playful back-and-forth, the rush of suspense, the unpredictability—I don’t take surprises very well, do I?
My sudden outburst seems to shock Calder for a minute, and then he’s laughing, too. It’s one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard.
“You know,” he murmurs in my ear, “Louisa’s gone to bed. Our game doesn’t have to be over yet.”
“I hope not,” I whisper in return. I wiggle my butt against his crotch. His body is already starting to respond, and hope flutters in my chest. Who says tonight can’t still be something special?
“I’ve thought of another challenge,” I say.
“Mm?” he responds, nuzzling my neck.
“Make me come in three minutes or less.”
He chuckles and slides his hand between my legs.
“With pleasure.”
CHAPTER FIVE
An hour later, I’m no closer to identifying my gift. I am, however, as exhausted and physically satisfied as I could ever hope to be.
“Are you sure you’re human?” I ask Calder breathlessly. We’ve moved back inside and are now splayed across the mattress. “I didn’t know it was possible for a mere mortal to have that much stamina.”
He chuckles and twists my nipple slowly between his thumb and forefinger. “You should know better than that by now.”
I do. I’ve never doubted that he is a bona fide master of sex.
I let my hand drift across his chest and lazily run my finger through his thin scattering of chest hair. He lets out a contented sigh and pulls me close. The weirdness from earlier seems to be gone—but I detect a little tension in his forehead and around his eyes. It’s not every day that an estranged family member shows up on the doorstep, and for all his determination to mend things between himself and his sister, this will be hard on him.
But I hope, for my part, that I’ve set some of his worries about us to rest. That by holding him close and twisting my body around his and breathing his name into the dark I’ve managed to convince him that this, right here, is perfect just as it is. Warts and all. If there is any stress in his life, I don’t want to be the cause of it.
And continuing our game is one way I can chase the last of those troubles away, at least for tonight.
“Don’t you think it’s time to take pity on me and just let me have my present?” I ask, running my hand down across his abs.
“Hm, that’s a good question.” He caresses my lower back. “I don’t think so.”
“No?”
“No. I enjoy watching you squirm too much.”
I grasp his nipple and give it a twist. He jerks, laughing.
“Go on then,” he says. “Name another challenge. I suggest you pick one you might actually win this time.”
I push myself up on my elbow. “You just think you’re so smooth, don’t you?”