“This is fuckin’ serious, Marcus.” He leaned over his thighs, placing his elbows on his knees, shoving his hands over his head. “All of it was worthless. We’re fuckin’ screwed either way!”
“I’ll take care of it.”
His head snapped up with wide eyes. “Oh yeah? And how do you expect to do that? By spending the rest of your life locked up?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
“Jesus, Marcus, what’s gotten into you?”
“What’s gotten into me, Jimmie? Out of all people, I would think YOU would know what I’m going through right now. After what you went through with Cynthia? My mind is racing thinking that the doctor will come out and tell me that I lost the one person I’ve ever loved. My heart is shattered at the thought that I may never touch or feel her again. My body is swamped with guilt because, if I’d just told her from the beginning what we were doing, she would have never shown up to the bust, and we would not be here right now. So spare me a fuckin’ lecture, Vinnie, about what all the FBI agents or even you think I should have done differently. I’m trying hard as hell to control everything and hold it all in and not break down right now. I’m trying to be strong for her, and if she gets out of this alive, I’m trying to find a way to beg her to forgive me for all that I’ve done, because in the end she was always too good for me. In the end, I never deserved her. She never deserved any of this. That’s what’s gotten into me.”
I stood and walked away, and even though he was calling after me, I kept on going. I needed air. It was hot, and the humidity in the waiting room was suffocating.
***
An hour later, Jeremy, Megan, and Mia’s mother had showed up. They asked what happened over and over again. Jimmie explained to them what had occurred and exactly what was reported on the news—everything that had happened, except that we were involved. Apparently, we were actually at the club for fuckin’ inventory and walked into the bust. After Jimmie snapped a bit at Jeremy, who was suspicious about the entire incident, there was dead silence.
Just then, all of us jerked our heads at the sound of doors opening. The surgeon walked over to us. “Mia Sullivan’s family?” We all nodded. Those who were seated stood, anticipating the results. I had been against the wall but was now by the doctor’s side.
“Is she going to be okay?” Sara questioned, with concern haunting her tone.
The doctor nodded. “Yes, she’s going to be fine.”
My chest expanded as the air of relief filled my lungs. “What happened during surgery?” Megan asked eagerly.
The doctor placed the clipboard under his arm and began using his hands to gesture as he spoke. “In this case, it was a hemothorax. This happens with an open pneumothorax.”
“What? English please.” Jeremy expressed.
The doctor nodded in apology, “It means that there was an accumulation of blood in the lungs due to the gunshot wound. This caused severe respiratory distress, and the patient presented shallow rapid breathing and oxygen desaturation. We placed a large bore needle in the interpleural space and removed an excess of air and blood. A Heimlich valve was also inserted to evacuate the air from the lung. There was a lot of blood lost, but it was not severe enough to cause hypovolemic shock. So that was a good thing.”
“Can we see her?” Jeremy asked.
“Not all of you at the moment. One can stay with her for now, but other than that, we want to keep a close eye on her for the next twenty-four hours. She was sedated, so she won’t be awake for another few hours, maybe not even until the morning.”
All heads turned to me. “Can I go in and stay with her?” I finally spoke.
“Are you the husband?”
“Fiancé.”
“Yes, follow me.” He nodded as everyone thanked him.
“Give her a kiss for me.” Sara said as she quickly hugged me.
“For us too.” Megan added as she reached and grabbed Jeremy’s hand. I nodded at them and followed behind the surgeon.
A chill rushed through me as I walked quickly behind him through the cold hospital hallway. We stopped by a door numbered 1020. “She’s in here. Please remember she won’t wake up anytime soon because she’s heavily sedated. Also, be careful with the tubes in her chest.”
I nodded. He turned and walked down the hall. I took in a few deep breaths before going through the doors. Not certain what to expect as I entered, my heart clenched as I saw her lying on a small hospital bed, pale and fragile. She looked peaceful but pained as she lay there with her hair disheveled on the pillow.
The sound of the machines beeping forced me back to reality. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I carried myself to her.
After I had reached her side and had seen all the wires and tubes going through her, my entire body winced. I held back the urge to pull her into me. My poor baby. I reached my hand out and grazed my fingers along her pale cheek, down her gentle jawline, and across her soft plump lips. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. How much stronger could I be? I stood there and watched the one person who had trusted me with everything, even her life, and I had betrayed her. Collapsing, I kneeled down beside her and cradled her hand along the side of my face.
“I’m so sorry, baby.” I whispered through a cracked tone. I pulled her hand around and placed her palm along my lips. I patted gentle kisses along her skin and stared at her closed eyes, wishing she’d flash them open and forgive me. I rocked back and forth desperately trying not to break, but as I continued to stare at the only woman I’d ever loved, images of her gasping for her last breath invaded my mind, and I broke down.
I broke down in a way I didn’t know a man ever could.
I broke down and cradled her in my arms and kissed her hands, her fingers, her face, her lips, her eyelids, and her jawline. And with each kiss, I begged and prayed for her to wake up and forgive me.
I broke down, and I didn’t care how much less of a man it made me, because I wasn’t a man at all without her in my life. She made me more of a man than I could ever be. She was the reason that I wanted to start over again and become a better man.
***
“Marcus, honey.” At the sound of my mother’s voice, I lifted my head from the crook of my arm. I looked around and realized that I was still in the hospital room. My eyes scanned to my side and found that Mia was still asleep. I must have drifted off sometime in the early morning. Yawning, I ran a hand down my face and squeezed my eyes shut. The pounding headache and burning eyes were killing me.