I really did want to love him.
He really wanted me to love him too. He confirmed it again when he pulled my hands from his face, kissed each of the palms, and said, “It is a big deal. To me.”
His expression, his posture, his tone – something told me he wasn’t trying to bully me into giving him what he wanted anymore. That he was ready to earn it.
Tentatively, I tested him. “How did sex come between you, Reeve?”
“It wasn’t sex. Exactly.” His jaw ticked.
I barely dared breathe let alone speak, but I asked anyway, “Then what was it exactly?”
“Well.” He ran his thumbs over the backs of my hands. “The thing that bothered her in that area was actually a part of my personality, not just limited to the bedroom. She thought I was, uh, controlling.”
I scoffed. “You are controlling.”
“But you like it.”
“Sometimes.”
He flinched, so I squeezed his hands reassuringly. “A lot of the time, Reeve. The times I don’t aren’t a problem for us because I like pleasing you. But, was that not the same with her?” It would fit the Amber that I’d remembered. The Amber who liked men to please her more than the other way around.
“No, that wasn’t her style,” Reeve confirmed. “She put up with it in the beginning. Then, when it became an issue, I reined it in. I behaved. For her. I kept it out of our sex life, which is where it showed up most of the time anyway.”
I pulled away from him and sat on the bed next to him. It was hard to listen to him talk about Amber without being jealous, and while I wanted to prove that his openness was good for us, it bothered me enough to require a little bit of distance.
If he noticed my withdrawal, he didn’t show it. He angled himself toward me. “The more I refrained from that in the bedroom, though, the more it came out in other places of my life. It was a constant argument between us. Both of us always trying to figure out how much we were willing to compromise for the other.”
“That’s what healthy relationships are. You find a balance, or, if you find that you’re compromising too much, you call it quits.” Not that I knew much about how to have a healthy relationship. Amber had called it quits with me, though, and I found myself wondering if she’d felt like she was compromising too much for me.
“I wanted to marry her.” Reeve’s statement drew my attention back full force.
“You proposed?” The question came out a bit choked. I hoped he assumed I was surprised rather than hurt. Truthfully, it was a bit of both. A lot of both.
He averted his eyes. “Not exactly proposed.”
“Let me guess. You arranged a minister and a dress and set it all up and then told her.” My words were bitter with envy, meant to stab at him. I hadn’t expected that they were also accurate until I saw the guilt in his eyes. “Are you kidding me? You didn’t.”
“It was meant to be a surprise. It was romantic.”
“You can’t surprise a woman with a wedding.” Especially not Amber. “Any woman. Even if she likes your dominant side.” Well, maybe if she liked his dominant side. I did recognize the romance in it.
He scooted back to lean against the headboard. “I’ll remember you feel that way.” There was no time for me to properly digest that before he’d moved on. “She felt that way too, it turns out. She refused the marriage. In front of the minister and the guys. It was here that this happened, if you haven’t figured that out. And instead of giving me another chance, she told me she was leaving.”
I tensed, all of a sudden remembering that this wasn’t going to be a pretty story. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten, really. He’d warned me it was bad, but it took a lot to shock me, and I’d forgotten that whatever he’d done had made Amber call me. Had scared her enough to use the safe word.
Hugging my legs up to my chest, I urged him on. “And then…?”
“I couldn’t lose her. So I didn’t let her go.”
“‘Didn’t let her go’? That’s what you meant by you kept someone.”
He nodded.
I tried to imagine the worst. “Chained up? Caged? Locked in her bedroom?”
“No.” He gave me a look that said he was appalled I’d even asked. “I just didn’t allow her to leave the ranch. I made it impossible for her to even think about going.”
I’d been at the ranch without him, and not only had I had free rein, I couldn’t imagine how he could pull off keeping me captive. “How? Was your staff in on it?”
“Only Brent and a man I hired to be her bodyguard. It’s easier to control someone than you think, Emily.” When I rolled my eyes, he clarified. “Even someone who isn’t you.”
A chill ran down my spine and I couldn’t exactly say what it was that had caused it. He was so direct with his admission here. So up front about his ability to keep someone under his thumb. It was frightening. Especially considering how he wouldn’t have to try very hard with me. Especially considering that he knew it.
I sat very still as he explained. “I threatened her. Told her what would happen if she tried to leave. Even when I wasn’t here, she was constantly being watched. I had cameras already set up on most of the ranch. I set up more. I bugged all the phones.”
My heart started to pound when he mentioned the phones. Had he heard Amber’s call to me? But I calmed myself down by remembering she hadn’t said anything. She’d made the entire message sound benign. I’d been the only one who recognized that “blue raincoat” was a cry for help.