And if she lost the baby? Grief welled up inside her. Misery both for the loss of a child she dearly wanted and the loss of Travis.
Over the last few days, since he’d found out about the baby, Travis had been amazing. He’d made her love him even more and though she’d like to pretend that his actions were prompted by his love for her, Julie knew better.
He was solicitous. Kind. Concerned.
Overbearing.
Dictatorial.
But…he didn’t love her. He was only doing what he thought was right. Taking charge of the woman who was carrying his child.
And with the loss of their baby, all of that would end as well. He wouldn’t want to continue their marriage once the reason for it was gone. So she would lose everything. Gently, she lay both hands on her belly, as if she could keep her child safe, convince it to stay with her.
For all their sakes.
A standing lamp in the corner threw out a puddle of soft gold light that reached for her from the shadows. The machine on her right beeped and clicked and measured each of her heartbeats.
And still she waited.
When the door to her room opened, she expected to find a dour-faced doctor standing there. Instead, it was Travis. Backlit from the hallways, she couldn’t see his features, but every line of his body was tense. He walked to her side quickly, took a seat beside her bed and gathered up one of her hands in his.
“How are Adam and Gina?”
“Worried about you,” he said.
“They shouldn’t be,” she told him, shifting her gaze to the dimly lit ceiling above. “This is a night they should be celebrating.”
“We’ll celebrate together after we hear from the damn doctor,” Travis assured her.
Celebrate what? she wondered. The loss of everything that mattered? Would he be relieved? Sad? Was he feeling what she was at all?
“You haven’t seen the doctor again yet?”
“No,” she said with a careful shake of her head, that still caused an eruption of a headache.
He fired a dark look at the closed door. “What’s taking them so long? How hard is it to look at ultrasounds? Why can’t they just tell us?”
“They can’t tell us. The doctor has to. So we have to wait.”
Turning back to her, he reached across, touched the bandage on her forehead and asked, “Are you in pain?”
A single tear spilled over and rolled down her cheek. Pain? She was in so much pain it was a wonder she could draw breath. But the small cut on her forehead had nothing to do with this pain. This particular agony went soul deep. “I’m fine.”
“Of course you are,” he said tightly, giving her a nod that said she was definitely all right and he wouldn’t accept anything less. “Everything’s going to be good, Julie. You’ll see.”
“Travis…” She wanted to tell him she understood that he was only there because it was the right thing to do. That he didn’t really want the baby that she was desperately trying to keep. That she didn’t expect him to stay there with her. To not make promises he couldn’t keep.
But she couldn’t make herself say the words to let him go. For as long as she had him, she wanted Travis with her. When he brushed a kiss across her knuckles, she savored the contact, holding it close.
The door opened again and this time, the doctor stepped inside. Instinctively, she grabbed at Travis’s hand and held on tight. The doctor walked to the end of Julie’s bed, glanced at the chart in his hand then looked up at her and smiled. “Your baby’s fine, Mrs. King.”
Julie released a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. Relief and gratitude swept through her in such an amazing rush of sensation, she was nearly blinded by her own tears. She had to blink them away to see the doctor clearly. “You’re sure?”
“Absolutely. That’s a tough kid you’ve got there,” the doctor told her. “Stubborn and determined to be born.”
“Naturally he’s stubborn,” Travis said, grinning like a loon. “He’s a King.”
“He or she is definitely healthy, so I don’t want you worried,” the doctor said, gazing meaningfully at Julie. He glanced at her chart again as if reassuring himself. “Doctor’s orders.”
“Thank you.” She was still holding on to Travis’s hand, still drawing strength from him, still relishing the touch of his hand on hers.
“Yes,” Travis added. “Thank you. But what about my wife? How is Julie? Is she going to be all right?”
“Your wife is fine, Mr. King.” The doctor tucked her chart under his left arm and smiled benevolently. “A little bruised, a little battered and I’ll want her to take it easy for a couple of weeks…but she’s going to be fine.”
Travis dropped Julie’s hand, jumped up, pumped the doctor’s hand like a wildman and said, “Thank you. I’ll see to it that she rests.”
Julie watched him as Travis walked the doctor to the door. When it was closed and they were alone again, Julie realized that she’d never known a person could be both happy and sad at the same time. She was grateful for the safety of her baby, but now she knew she would remain trapped in a marriage with a man who didn’t love her.
Her heart broke a little as she imagined the long empty years ahead of them. And she wondered how long it would be before her soul, denied love, began to die a little each day.
Travis came to her side and gently eased himself down onto the edge of the bed. He smoothed her tangled hair back from her face and leaned down to tenderly touch her lips with his. When he sat back again, he looked into her eyes and said softly, “I’ve never been so scared in my life. Hell, I didn’t know it was possible to be that scared.”
Touched, Julie patted his hand. “I know you were worried, Travis. So was I. But thank heaven, the baby’s fine. You heard the doctor.”
“I’m not talking about the baby.”
She blinked up at him as if trying to understand. “But—”
“It’s you Julie. You I was terrified for.” He took a breath, blew it out and stood up abruptly as if he knew he was too tense to sit quietly on the edge of her bed. Stalking off a few steps, he whirled around to look at her, silhouetted by the golden lamplight. “Do you know what it was like to feel that damned elevator fall? To hear you scream? To look across the floor of the car and see you laying there in obvious pain? To be helpless?”
Before she could speak, he held one hand up for her silence, then stabbed that hand through his hair. Shaking his head, he said, “Of course you don’t. I never thought I could feel so much. Fear so much. Always in my life, I’ve charted my own course. Been in charge of my own destiny. Things happen when I want them to happen.”