Relief swept through Adam so fast, it left his knees shaking. He felt as though he’d been running in place for an hour. His heart was pounding, his breath was laboring in his lungs and his legs were rubbery. What the hell kind of stunt was Sal up to?
“Damn it, Sal. What was the point of that?” He shouted the question, as adrenaline drained slowly away. “Want to see if you could get a rise out of me? Is that it?”
“It was a test of sorts,” Sal admitted, stopping on the opposite side of the wide desk. “I wanted to know,” the older man said, his dark eyes narrowed, his mouth grim, “if you loved my Gina. Now I know.”
Adam shoved one hand through his hair, then wiped his face. Love. There was a word he’d avoided thinking about over the last few weeks. Even when he lay awake at night, alternately planning on either flying to Colorado to kidnap Gina or burying himself in work, he’d trained himself to never think that word.
It wasn’t part of his plan.
He’d tried love before and he was no good at it. Love messed people up. Ruined lives. Ended some. He wasn’t going there again. Even if the heart he’d thought long dead was now very alive and aching.
Not something he was going to admit to anyone else.
“Sorry to disappoint. Naturally I was concerned for her. But if she’s fine, then I don’t see a reason for this visit.” Sitting down in his desk chair again, he picked up a pen, lowered his gaze to the papers in front of him and said, “Thanks for stopping by.”
Sal didn’t leave, though. He leaned forward, bracing his work-worn hands on the edge of the desk and waited until Adam lifted his gaze before saying, “I have something to tell you, Adam. Something I think you have the right to know.”
“Say it then and get it done,” Adam muttered, bracing himself for whatever news the older man had come to deliver. How bad could it be? Was Gina already in love with someone else? That thought sliced through him, even as he discounted it. It might feel like years since she’d been gone, but it had only been a few weeks. So what could possibly have happened?
“Gina lost the baby.”
“What?” He whispered the word and the pen he held dropped from suddenly nerveless fingers. “When?”
“Yesterday,” Sal said, his features full of pity and sorrow.
Yesterday. How had that happened and he hadn’t sensed it? Felt it somehow? Gina had been alone and he’d been here. Tucked away in an insulated world of his own design. She’d needed him and he hadn’t been there.
“Gina? How’s Gina?” Stupid question, Adam thought instantly. He knew how she would be. She’d wanted that child so much. She would be devastated. Crushed. Heartsick.
And a moment later, he realized to his own astonishment that he felt those things, too. A profound sense of loss shook him to the bone and he was so unprepared for it, he didn’t know what to think.
“She will be fine in time,” Sal told him softly. “She didn’t want you to know, but I felt it was only right.”
“Of course.” Of course he should know. Their child was dead. Though it hadn’t taken a breath, Adam felt the loss as surely as he had the loss of Jeremy years ago. It wasn’t just the death of the child. It was the death of dreams. Hopes. The future.
“Also,” Sal added, waiting now for Adam to look at him, “you should know that Gina will be staying in Colorado.”
“She. Staying. What?” Adam shook his head, trying to focus past the pain that was threading its way through his bloodstream.
“She’s not coming home,” Sal said, then added softly, “unless something happens to change her mind.”
* * *
Adam hardly noticed when Sal left. His mind kept flashing with images of Gina until the pain in his heart was almost too much to bear. For weeks now, he’d thought of nothing but her, despite trying to shut himself off from the world. Return to the solitary existence he’d become so accustomed to.
But no matter how hard he tried, thoughts of her had remained. Taunting him. Torturing him. Wondering how she was. Where she was living. What she would tell their child about him.
Now there was no baby. Gina was in pain, so much more pain than he was feeling and she was alone in this, despite her family, she was as alone as he was. And suddenly, Adam knew what he wanted more than anything. He wanted to hold her. Dry her tears. Comfort her and wrap himself up in the warmth of her.
He wanted to fall asleep holding her and wake up to look into her eyes. Standing up again, he turned, looked out the wide window behind him at the sweep of lawn leading to the main road. The ancient trees lining the driveway danced in the wind, leaves already turning gold breaking free to twist and fly through the air. Fall was coming fast and soon, the days would be cold and the nights far too long.
Just as hislife would be long and cold and empty without Gina.
“Esperanza was right,” he muttered, turning to reach for the phone on his desk. “Half-right, anyway. Iwas a fool. But no more.”
* * *
Gina laughed at the little boy bouncing around in the saddle. He was so excited at being a “cowboy,” he hadn’t stopped grinning since Gina had put him on the horse.
Thankfully, even though her brother Nick was technically a high school football coach, he had a small ranch outside of town. You really could take the boy off the home ranch but couldn’t take the ranch out of the boy, she thought. And being here, working on Nick and his wife’s small spread had been good for her. She’d spent time with her nephews and niece and had kept herself so busy that she’d only had time to think about Adam everyother minute.
Surely that was progress.
“You’re thinking about him again.”
She turned to smile and shrug at her older brother. “Only a little.”
“I talked to Tony last night,” Nick said, leaning his forearms on the top rail of the corral fence. “If it helps any, he says Adam looks miserable.”
Small consolation, Gina thought, but she’d take it. She leaned back against the fence and said, “Is it wrong to say ‘glad to hear it’?”
“No. Not wrong at all.” Nick tugged at her ponytail. “Tony’s willing to go beat him up for you. You just say the word.”
“You guys are the best.”
He grinned and his golden eyes twinkled. “So we keep telling you.”
She smiled again and turned to look when a car pulled into the yard behind them. She didn’t recognize the bright yellow van, so her heartbeat didn’t stutter until the driver opened the door and stepped out.