She looked him straight in the eye, something she’d had difficulty in doing throughout dinner. “You didn’t come here to jump me, did you, Jake?”
“No,” he answered unequivocally. His face softened into a warm, whimsical smile. “I do genuinely care about you. I didn’t want you to feel alone.”
Her heart turned over.
Maybe caring made the difference.
“Besides, jumping isn’t my style,” he went on. “I’m only interested in mutual desire.”
Desire...lust...he’d probably cared about all the others, too.
His eyes gleamed their dangerous wolf-yellow. “And it is very mutual, Amy. Don’t put other labels on it.”
Don’t put love on it...that was certain.
Mutual desire was not going to lead anywhere good and it was no use wishing it might. Heat raced into her cheeks again as she tried to explain her spontaneous combustion away.
“Jake...it was just a moment in time...because of steve...and...”
“No.” He shook his head at her. “At least be honest, Amy. We’re not ships passing in the night. What happened has been building between us for a long time. A progression...”
“But we don’t have to choose it,” she cried, agitated by the way he was validating what had been madness on both their parts. “We work together, Jake. Please don’t make it impossible for us to keep on working together.”
He frowned as though he hadn’t taken that factor into consideration.
“I’ll make the coffee,” she said, scooting off to the kitchen, hoping to keep the counter between them for a while.
Clothes didn’t really help, not when he started radiating physical charm and reminding her of the desires they had indulged so...so wildly. If he reached out and touched her, she wasn’t sure she could resist touching back. She had the feeling an electric current would sizzle her brain and her body would proceed on its own merry way to meltdown.
To her intense relief, Jake wandered out to the balcony. She stacked the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher as the coffeemaker did its job. The activity covered her inner turmoil as she clung desperately to what was the only sensible resolution to this volatile situation.
It couldn’t go on. Couldn’t! Jake’s idea of a progression threw her into a panic. The sex had been good. Amazing. Incredibly marvellous. But it wouldn’t stay that way. Moods and feelings were rarely recaptured. Lust did peter out. She had the evidence of Jake’s many affairs to demonstrate how quickly it passed.
The article in the women’s magazine which still lay in the bottom drawer of her desk came sharply to mind. If she indulged herself in more physical pleasures with Jake Carter, she’d be looking for the exit signs, every minute of every day, not trusting their togetherness to last long. Then how awkward would it be when he started looking for a fresh experience? How destroying it would be!
No, it was wrong for her. It would mess her up even more than she was already messed up. No matter what he said or did, she couldn’t allow herself to be tempted. Now was the time to start building a hopeful future for herself, not plunge down a sidetrack to more misery.
The coffeemaker beeped. She filled two mugs, steeled herself for the stand she had to make, then set out to fight the man who was undoubtedly plotting a different scenario. Her hands shook so much the coffee slurped over. She put the mugs on the counter and walked slowly around it, clenching and unclenching her hands. Her chest was so tight, her heart felt as though it was banging against it, stifled for proper room. Nevertheless, she did manage to carry the mugs out and set them on the coffee table without further spillage.
Jake was leaning on the balcony railing, apparently taking in the night view. He didn’t turn even though he must have heard her. Having got rid of the mugs from her nervous hands, Amy fidgeted. Sitting down didn’t feel right. It was impossible to relax enough to make it look natural. Yet to join Jake at the railing in the semidarkness...
“Tell me what you want, Amy.”
The soft words caught at her heart, turning her doubts and fears into silly trivialities. Jake had moved on to the big picture. He was simply waiting for her to paint in how she saw it.
Without any further hesitation, she stepped over to the railing and took a deep breath of fresh sea air. The winking myriad of lights around the bay assured her of life going on in a normal fashion, despite the ups and downs everyone was subjected to from time to time. It was normality she needed now.
“I want to keep my job,” she said simply.
He didn’t move, not even to glance at her. She had the sense of him being darkly self-contained, waiting and listening, biding his time until he had what he needed to work with.
“There’s no question of your losing it,” he assured her.
“I want to feel comfortable in it. I need to feel secure in it,” she explained further. “It’s my anchor right now. If you take that away from me...”
“Why on earth would I?”
He sounded genuinely puzzled.
“You could make it too difficult for me to stay.”
“You think I’m going to chase you around the office?” he asked, the dry irony in his voice mocking such a notion. “It’s a fool’s game, mixing business with pleasure, Amy. Have I ever seemed that much of a fool to you?”
“No.”
“I respect you far too much to press unwanted attention on you anyway.”
“I’m sorry. I...maybe I’ve got this wrong,” she rushed out in an agony of embarrassment. “I shouldn’t have assumed you’d want to...”
“Oh, yes, I want to, Amy. I really would be a fool not to want to make love with you whenever I can. Outside of office hours.”
He spoke matter-of-factly yet Amy was left in no doubt he meant every word of it. One taste was not enough for him. He wanted more, and just the thought of him wanting more aroused all the sensitised places in her body that craved the same.
“But I’d hate you to feel...under duress,” he added, his voice dropping to a low rasp of distaste.
The choice was hers, he was saying, and she should have felt relieved, except she was so twisted up inside, her mind couldn’t dictate anything sensible.
“It has to be freely given,” he went on. “As it was tonight.” He half turned to her, a lopsided smile curving his mouth. “You did want me, you know. Not because of Steve. You wanted me.”
Amy was further shaken by the passion creeping through the quiet control he’d maintained. “Any woman would want you, Jake,” she blurted out.