Never mind that the spark might go out before she even had the baby! There was always a host of other available women to have on the side when that happened. Did he think he could fool her when she knew so much about him? It was true they got on well together, but how long would that last under pressures they’d never had before? She could not live with infidelity for a start!
It was all very well for his mother to say it wasn’t in Jake’s nature to cheat. Without love, they’d be cheating each other anyway if they got married. Besides, Elizabeth Rose Carter certainly wouldn’t welcome her as a daughter-in-law. Though Jake could probably charm his mother into accepting anything if he worked at it.
Amy was only too aware of how charming he could be. She couldn’t let it work on her. There was too much at stake here. Her happiness. Their child’s happiness.
Their child...
Misery swamped her. It wasn’t right to bring a child into the world when neither parent had planned for it. What was she to do? What did she want Jake to do?
Dazedly, she looked around for landmarks and realised they were heading down the hill to Balmoral Beach. It reminded her of the day Jake first drove her here, the day she’d told him Steve was going to marry his pregnant blonde.
Pregnancy...marriage.
Did all men think like that?
No, of course they didn’t. If men were so committed to their children there wouldn’t be so many single mothers. Not that she wanted to be a single mother. That would be a very hard road. But getting married because of a baby...the thought of an oppressive prison loomed darkly on the edges of what looked like an easier road. Becoming dependent on a man who didn’t really want to spend his life with her...
We could have a good life together.
Amy rubbed at her temples.
Did Jake really believe that?
“Headache worse?” he asked in concern.
“No. Just trying to think.”
“Leave it until we get home,” he advised. “Almost there.”
It wasn’t his home, Amy thought crossly. He was going to invade it again, as he had before...invading her life...but they did have to talk. He was the father of her child and there was no locking him out of their future. One way or another, he would always be in it. Especially if he kept up his current attitude.
He parked the car in her garage slot underneath the apartment block. She vaguely wondered how he knew which slot was hers. Probably a lucky guess.
As they rode up to the top floor in the elevator, Amy became acutely aware of Jake’s physical nearness. She started remembering the kiss underneath the mistletoe and how she’d clung to him...how he’d felt, how much he could make her feel, the sheer power of his sexuality drawing on hers. If he started that again...tried to use it...she must not let him.
He held out her car key. She snatched it off his palm, frightened of any skin-to-skin contact with him. For a moment Jake’s palm hung there empty and her graceless behaviour shot a wave of heat up Amy’s throat.
Thankfully Jake made no comment. He lowered his hand to his side and Amy busied herself with her handbag, putting away the car key and finding the one for her front door.
Her inner tension increased, screaming along every nerve in her body as Jake accompanied her out of the elevator. Fortunately he had the good sense not to touch her. She would have snapped.
Once the door was unlocked, Jake gestured for her to precede him into the apartment, so she went ahead and left him to follow, grateful he was tactful enough not to crowd her and she had the chance to establish a comfortable distance. Having dropped her handbag on the kitchen counter, she walked straight across the living room to open the doors to the balcony.
The instant waft of fresh sea air on her hot face felt good. Unbelievably, despite her fevered thoughts, her headache had eased. If she could just keep enough cool to handle Jake in a calm and reasonable manner, maybe they could come to some workable agreements.
“Can I get you something, Amy? A cup of tea or...”
“No.”
His voice came from the kitchen area. He’d probably paused there, watching her. She took a deep breath and turned to face him, forcing an ironic smile to ease the concern he was expressing. He was behind the counter, hands resting on it, poised to minister to her needs, but he was no more relaxed than she was.
His shoulders looked bunched, his facial muscles were taut, a worry line creased the space between his brows, his triangular eyes were narrowed, sharply scanning, weighing up her body language.
“Thank you,” she added belatedly, “but I doubt anything would sit well in my stomach right now. I wasn’t ready for this, Jake. Telling you, I mean.”
He nodded. “Better done than churning about it, Amy.”
“Yes. Though I didn’t mean to mess up your Christmas day with your family. I only went to see...” She trailed off, finding it too difficult to describe all the nuances of her observations.
“What it might be like if you joined it?”
His quick perception jolted her. “I can’t marry you,” she blurted out more baldly than she had meant to.
He frowned. “Because of my family?”
“No...no...” She shook her head, berating herself for being as tactless as his mother. “You have a great family. It must be wonderful to belong to them. For you, I mean. For them. All of you...”
Now she was blathering. She stopped and took another deep breath. Her heart was fluttering. She couldn’t seem to keep two coherent thoughts in her head.
“There’s no reason why you couldn’t belong, Amy,” Jake said with serious intent “And our child certainly would, as naturally as all the other children. You met Tess and Grace and Martin today. You must have seen how they...”
“Please...” She waved an emphatic dismissal. “That’s not the point, Jake.”
“What is the point?”
“I wouldn’t be living with them day in and day out. I’d be living with you.”
“So?”
Living with anyone wasn’t simple. Amy knew from living with Steve...the adjustments, the compromises. It was hard enough with love. Without it...and always worrying about Jake connecting with other women, beautiful women running after him all the time...
She shook her head. “I can’t do it.”
“Why not?”
The need for this torment to be ended formed her answer. She looked at him squarely, defying any further persistance on this question, sure there was no way of refuting what was necessary to her.