‘Well, spit it out then. What was it like?’
‘It was awful.’
‘What? Sex with the loaded hunk was awful?’
‘Can we talk about it in a minute? I need to talk to you about some important stuff first.’
‘No problems.’
‘You are still OK to travel to the States with my mum, aren’t you?’
‘Of course. Are you kidding me? I’d never get another chance like this. All paid.’
‘Good. I’ll sort the tickets out so you travel out on Wednesday. And Mum has an entire day to recover before her appointment on Friday. You don’t have to babysit her the whole time. Go out sightseeing and do the touristy thing. You’ll have to accompany her to the doctor, though.’
‘Cool.’
‘Oh! Before I forget. I brought something for you.’ I dig into my bag and fetch the jar of blackberry jam.
Billie takes it from me. ‘Posh jam? Wow, I’ve never had anything like this before.’ She reaches over, opens a drawer and gets a spoon. She twists open the lid and dips her spoon into it. ‘Wow, you get to have awful sex and I get to go to America and eat jam from Harrods. Brilliant. How long is your contract for, again?’
‘Three months.’
‘Are you sure you can’t increase it?’
‘Billie, don’t be such a witch.’
She spoons more jam. ‘Can we talk about your awful sex now?’
‘He left as soon as he found out that I had never been with anyone.’ I shake my head with the shameful memory. ‘I was pathetic, Bill. I lay there like a lemon.’
‘How do you mean? Didn’t you have sex?’
‘Sort of. As soon as he entered I sort of screamed in shock. It was so sudden and…well, painful, and he pulled out double quick.’
‘What?’
I bite my lip. ‘He just stopped and left.’
‘What do you mean left?’
‘He got dressed and left.’
‘And said nothing?’
‘He said, “It’ll be better next time.”’
‘Fuck me. He didn’t finish?’
‘No,’ I say uncertainly. ‘Is that very bad?’
‘Bad! He sounds totally f**ked up. Nobody stops halfway for no good reason.’ She chews her cheek and leans forward eagerly. ‘Tell me what happened before he did the deed.’
I squirm. ‘Well, he had me dress up in a white frock with white underwear and white stockings.’
‘Oh. My. God,’ Billie hoots and begins to cackle madly. ‘He wanted a whore that he could pretend was a virgin, but when he found he had the real thing in his bed he freaked out and ran away. That is so funny.’
‘It’s not, actually.’
Billie sobers with impressive speed. ‘Sorry, yeah it’s not.’
‘Bill, will you teach me some techniques?’
‘I don’t know what I can teach you. I don’t do cock, remember?’
Then she looks at my distraught face and grins. ‘OK, let’s start with foreplay. Foreplay waist up has to be pretty similar, right?’
‘OK,’ I agree.
‘The ear is wickedly horny. All kinds of things can happen when it is given a bit of attention. Run your finger along the rim like this.’ She runs her finger along the rim of her own ear. ‘Sometimes you can lick your finger first and afterwards gently blow on the wet rim. But the best effect can be achieved if you nibble your way gently all the way down to the lobe and then suddenly stick your tongue into his ear. If done properly that should drive him crazy.’
‘Really?’ I say doubtfully.
‘You should practice on someone else. I’d let you practice on me, but I might start to really fancy you and that would be too weird.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘When you brush your teeth in the mornings do you ever look at yourself in the mirror? You’re f**king stunning, Lana. If I met you in a club, yeah, I’d jump your bones. How about trying it out on Jack?’
‘No, Jack is pissed off with me. He doesn’t say it, but he thinks what I’ve done is no better than what a prostitute does.’
Billie looks sideways at me. ‘I admire you for what you have done.’
‘Oh well, he doesn’t.’
‘He’s just mad because he’s always had this older brother, dead protective complex about you. But the truth is we are all prostitutes. Some women will put out for an expensive dinner, another for a ring on her finger, or a better lifestyle. You did it to save your mother. That’s a whole lot better than the rest of us, I’d say.’
‘Thanks, Bill.’
‘Oh, there is another thing you can do to banker boy. You can tie him up! You’d need a metal bed or a four-poster, of course. This bed here would be useless. I once tied Leticia to her bed and it was real good. I told her to strip naked then I blindfolded her and trussed her to the four corners of the bed. And while she was lying there full of anticipation, I calmly told her I was going out to the shops to get some chocolate, and that I was going to leave her bedroom door open. God, you should have seen the way she begged and then swore at me.’
She chuckles gleefully. ‘Her mother had said she would be back in twenty minutes, you see. I stuffed her knickers in her mouth and went out. Made sure to close the front door with a bang too.’
My mouth drops open. ‘That was some chance you took. What if her mother had come back and found her tied spread-eagled and naked on her bed?’
‘Nah, I had met her mother going up the lift and she told me to tell Leticia that she was going to the hairdresser after the shops and would be at least an hour.’
‘Was Leticia mad at you?’
‘Mad at me. She was quivering like a school dinner pudding. I stuck the Yorkie bar up her fanny and ate it off her. She said it was the best orgasm she’s ever had.’
I laugh. ‘Oh, Billie. Somehow I don’t think he’s going to let me tie him to a bed.’
‘You can still try the blindfold. It increases the sensation when you can’t see. You could suggest a game. Put the egg timer on and he who climaxes first loses. When it’s his turn, blindfold him and give him the best sucking he’s ever had.’
‘OK, maybe, I’ll try that.’
‘Let me know how it goes, won’t you?’ Billie says with a smile.
I look at my watch. ‘I’ve got to pop into the employment agency so they can tear a strip off me for inappropriately offering myself to one of their clients, but before I go; you know the extra money Blake gave me? I’ve decided I want you to have half.’