This terrible grief now ravaging her heart was grief she’d given to herself. Nick hadn’t lied to her. He had withheld some highly personal and private motivation for his decision to marry, but he hadn’t lied to her. Nor had he seduced her into marriage. He had laid out his plan very reasonably…not offering anything more than a partnership that could serve both of them well. He was fulfilling his part of their partnership.
It was absurd of her to feel deceived.
It was wrong to blame Nick for her own love affair with self-deception.
She would not let Nadia Condor destroy the solidly supportive relationship they had achieved together, starting from the night of revelation when Nick had learnt about their son. His love for Zack was real. And while their marriage might have been conceived for the sake of financial convenience—Tess hated that with a deep, dark, savage hatred—she kept telling herself it had progressed to something else.
Something good.
Too good to be messed up by foolish pride.
So when Nick came home from work, she tried not to show any difference inside her, tried to act naturally as they followed their normal evening routine, tried to stay relaxed in both behaviour and conversation. She didn’t realise she was a dismal failure. She was trying so hard…
Something was wrong.
Nick couldn’t pick up on precisely what it was, but Tess was definitely not her usual self. During the hour before dinner, designated as playtime with Zack before he was put to bed with his bottle, her face did not light up with ready smiles and laughter. No amusing anecdotes of their son’s daily activities were offered. She was quiet, seemingly preoccupied, only joining in the fun of playing with Zack when Nick drew her into it, and then he sensed it was an effort for her to take any real pleasure in what they were doing. Her mind seemed elsewhere, not clicking easily with his.
The Karitane nurse she had employed, Carol Tunny, was still with them. Although her expertise with newborn babies was not really required any more, it was good to have her on hand to take care of Zack when both of them were busy. Nick reasoned that it couldn’t be any worry over their son that had Tess disturbed. They saw him settled happily for the night in his new cot, and there was no word to Carol about any concern.
Nick threw his arm around Tess’s shoulders in a casual hug as they headed downstairs for dinner, wanting to project comforting support if she needed to unload some personal burden onto him. Her back muscles instantly stiffened as though his touch was unwelcome, even offensive!
‘Tess?’ he queried, frowning at her reaction.
An apologetic smile was flashed and her shoulders sagged loosely as she gave vent to a sigh. ‘Long day with people coming and going, leaving me brochures on furniture and fabric samples for curtains and upholstery.’
‘Tess, if decisions are stressing you out, just leave the whole interior decorating up to…’
‘No, I want to choose. It’s our home,’ she said with passionate emphasis. ‘If I leave it to them, we’ll get the polished, professional, up to the minute trendy outcome that says nothing about us, apart from the fact we’ve got the money to do it.’
Nick suspected that an heiress sore point was burning. ‘Has anyone been criticising your decisions? Making you feel…’
‘No, no. It’s just been a trying day. How was yours?’ She shot him a guarded glance. ‘You didn’t let me know how breakfast with your mother went.’
Damn! That had probably been chewing up her mind! He should have telephoned and given her a report, ensuring she knew the meeting was totally inconsequential. Though Tess should realise that his mother’s opinion of their marriage would be as irrelevant as her mother’s opinion—both of them based on the way they lived their own lives.
‘Predictably,’ he drawled. ‘She can’t imagine I didn’t marry you only for money, any more than I daresay Livvy Curtin can imagine you didn’t marry me only for sex. Why else, darling?’ he mimicked mockingly.
Tess flashed him an ironic smile. ‘Why else, indeed?’
Nick relaxed, thinking how easy it was to communicate with Tess. The nuances from their family backgrounds were instantly recognised and appreciated. Sometimes words weren’t even necessary. Just a look conveyed meaning and understanding. One of the best things about their relationship was this sense of togetherness, of so much being truly shared.
‘No joy in being told she has a grandson,’ he added. ‘No doubt Zack is solid evidence of her aging. I don’t foresee much social contact between us from now on.’
‘You don’t mind losing a mother?’
‘Did I ever have one?’
‘She has been…a central figure in your life, Nick.’
‘Difficult not to be when she was the only blood relation who laid claim to me, which could hardly be evaded once I’d been used to snag your father into marriage. That was very public motherhood. Undeniable. So possession had to be maintained, didn’t it?’
His mind drifted to his other blood relations—his unknown half-brothers—wondering what situations they had been born into—how their mothers had explained their pregnancies. If Enrique had claimed them as his sons at all, Nick had little doubt that it had been done after he was dead, not before.
They might have been adopted out, or led to believe other men were their fathers, as he had once believed Brian Steele was his. In which case, the news from Brazil could well be causing as much upheaval in their lives as had eventuated for him.
‘Possessions can be important to people,’ Tess commented wryly.
‘They certainly are to my mother,’ Nick answered with feeling, frowning over her avid fixation on the Ramirez estate. He didn’t care if it went to his half-brothers. It might make a positive difference in their lives. A wonderful windfall. To him, it would always be tainted—a death-gift, not a life-gift. He had no need of it and he wanted no part of it.
‘Well, Nadia did know what it was like to be without when she was a child, Nick,’ Tess reminded him. ‘You and I have never been in that place.’
True. Because of his mother’s ambitious machinations he had been born to wealth and privilege, just like Tess. He didn’t know what need was in any material sense so it was all too easy for him to overlook what was behind his mother’s drive to acquire the riches of this world. Maybe to her, one could never have enough.
‘She’s always looking for more,’ he muttered as they entered the dining-room. ‘Even this morning she wanted to get her hands on this house, decorating it to give herself a buzz and get more admiration from people with her achievement. She doesn’t understand the word, home. Everything is a showcase for her.’