“Ava,” he aloofly greeted me. “I believe you and I have something to discuss.”
Bastard, I silently cursed as different thoughts ran through my head. Was he here because he wanted to see me? Or … was he here because he somehow found out about this little bean I had been trying to hide from him?
Taking his cue, I decided to act vague, hoping this would make him go away. “I wasn’t aware that you and I have something to discuss, Reiss.” I paused, feigning innocence. “Unless, of course, you’ve changed your mind about not wanting to do anything that had me included.”
“Don’t take me for a fool!” he spat out before he stepped into my comfort zone, letting himself inside the room without asking permission. I could smell traces of alcohol on his breath as he passed, making me all the more aware that he was under a lot of strain. Whatever this was about, he was troubled by it.
Closing the door, my heart thudded rapidly as I watched him pace around, stopping at the dining table before he decided to pull out a chair. He sat and stared blankly at the opposing wall, appearing as if he was studying the painting.
“Your husband came to see me today with a contract stating I’d be willing to revoke all my rights to my child.”
Damn and blast. I knew Ashton couldn’t be trusted with such a bombshell of a secret. He was bound to do something drastic, and idiot me had thought I could trust him about something that meant so much to me. Bugger.
“I wasn’t aware of this. He never told me about it.”
“Of course he didn’t.” He looked lost, causing me to feel this heavy ache deep inside because I wanted nothing more than to comfort him. However, I knew it would be unappreciated; therefore, I remained where I was, openly staring at him. “I want a part of this child, Ava, make no mistake of that. So, whatever you have under your sleeve, mark my words, I’ll fight you until I have nothing left in me. This is my child as much as yours.”
What did he intend to do? I wasn’t planning on restricting any of his parental rights. I wasn’t some vindictive bitch who would do that to my baby’s father just because he didn’t want me. I didn’t want to be like my mother. I would rather keel over and die than be like her.
“You must understand, I did intend for you to know. I wasn’t sure when the right time was, but I promise you, I had every intention of telling you. I admit that a lot of foolish thoughts have graced my imagination, which resulted in me postponing the intended visit to inform you. You must know, after what I’ve gone through, I’m still having a tough time accepting it. It’s been surreal—a dream come true—and I just wanted more time to myself before the rest of my friends and family finds out because, once they do, my life will be chaotic, and I need to save as much energy and positivity as possible before facing any of them.”
He gave me questioning look. “How do we do this, Ava? I don’t know much about babies, let alone raising one. The thought alone brings a lot of doubts. I fear I might not be a good father since I don’t have any bloody clue where to even begin with this. I thought I’d choose someone to marry that would fit to be the mother of my children, then we’d raise them together. Never once did I consider that things might turn out differently than planned.” He shook his head, evoking a dry laugh. “I suppose I should’ve known that, wherever you’re concerned, I could never expect what comes next.”
His speech hadn’t meant to hurt, but it had all the same. When would I ever stop hurting because of him?
“I know the situation isn’t the most ideal, but we’ll cope. We can make it work as long as we’re on the same page. I guess we’ll learn … together.” I hadn’t meant for it to sound as if I wanted us to try to be a couple; as a result, I felt obliged to add, “If you’re willing to work with me, that is, then you have nothing to fear.”
He remained silent, tormented by his own demons. Warily watching him, I gradually moved towards the sofa, feeling drained from facing him.
It wasn’t really disappointment I felt when he had said he’d meant to marry someone he had chosen for himself to be the mother of his children, but I felt a jab from his words, either way. It made me feel unworthy of carrying his flesh and blood.
Knowing his distrust of me, I was actually quite surprised he hadn’t asked immediately if it was truly his or demanded a DNA test. Then again, it was too early to tell. He could very well command it later on, which wouldn’t surprise me a bit. I understood fully that, whenever it came to me or anything associated with me, he had little confidence in my believability.
“Are you okay, Reiss?” There was a snag to my voice, almost as if pleading with him to fully see me to see the woman within, crying out to reach him, anything at all. But he never did. I was lost, and he hadn’t even bothered to leave a trail of crumbs for me. He felt nothing, wanted nothing, and I should start accepting that.
“I was just thinking … about how cruel life be …” he mused, although with little thrill in his voice. “Just when I thought life was going to get better and brighter, a whole maelstrom of fucks follows through. I guess fate put you in my life to remind me I’m nothing but a mere mortal, a defenseless human to handle whatever it throws at me. What a bloody warped trick, don’t you agree?”
I wasn’t sure what to say; thus, I remained quiet. In fact, I was on the verge of tears, but I willed myself to get it together. I couldn’t very well breakdown right in front of the man who thought I was his bad luck. Maybe I was, though I was purely in denial of it. Was I that blinded by my own desires that I couldn’t see him for what he truly was? A broken man. A shattered man of my own making.
I had no one to blame but myself for turning him into such a cynical bloke, too wrecked to acknowledge when a blessing had come along.
Chapter 20
Ava
It was 8:04 a.m. when my phone shrilled, bringing me more of a headache. I knew the moment I took the call without glancing at the caller ID that I’d regret it. I instantly heard my mother’s screeching voice that one could compare closely to a cat being dragged by its tail, or maybe a feline sounding as if it was being murdered. It was a variation of things, but the sound was distinctively feline, for that I was sure.
Apparently, from the small sprouts of lucidity before she went off in her feline shrilling bender, Ashton dearest had visited my father, announcing the news I had restricted him from sharing.