I wasn’t sure what prompted me, but my palm made its way towards his face, slapping against his cheek at such a speedy rate he barely blinked from the impact. “I hate you. I really fucking hate you!”
His hand massaged the injured cheek, his nose flaring as he glared down at me. “Good. The feeling’s mutual, princess.”
Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones taking over me, but I felt possessed by something far greater than I could control. My train of thought was hazy as my senses fully focused on the anger that pounded in my veins, boiling in blood. Every agonized thought I had for him was channeled into more anger with every single breath I took.
“My mother was right; you can never dress a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I cannot believe I spent a bloody decade crying for you. I should’ve listened to them, then I wouldn’t be here, stuck with you.”
He sneered, looking disgusted with me. “You’re becoming a real piece of work, Ava. I say give it a year or two, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming just like your mother.”
Ouch.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I had nothing for rebuttal. He was comparing me to a woman I loathed more than anything, and for him to do that was something I couldn’t fathom. Then, out of nowhere, I felt like I had committed the biggest mistake of all by holding on to a sliver of hope that he’d possibly come around—not soon, but someday. It wasn’t going to be, especially not when he saw me as my mother. Maybe being around him wasn’t all that healthy any more.
“I … I want an annulment,” I blurted out, shaky and breathless.
“No,” he gritted out, his jaws locking.
“Fine. Then we’ll get a divorce.”
His hands cupped the sides of my arms, almost shaking me to come to my senses as he pushed me backwards. “I. Said. No.”
I was a fool, a fool in love. And I had let that steer me towards something that could very well eviscerate me completely, threatening to dissolve my own sanity. My identity.
“Fine. I’ll just go ahead and leave then.” I tried to use all my might to push him off, but he remained unmoved, as if all of my effort hadn’t even made a dent. “Let me go.”
He wouldn’t budge. “Well, tough, you’re not going anywhere! You’re staying here, in my home, with me.”
God, how I wanted to hurt him, make him feel just a bit of what I was going through, although even if I did, it wouldn’t change a thing. It would only serve in hurting me even more.
“I can’t be here, Reiss. I think we both know that.” Shaking my head, I felt worn and exhausted. “We’ve barely been married for a day, and we’re at each other’s throats. It makes my marriage to Ashton look like a walk in the park.”
“How dare you mention his name at a time like this! That man did nothing but steal you away because he felt threatened by me. He has done nothing except harm, and here you are, praising the man I wanted to kill with my bare hands.”
We were back in the past again. He spoke as if it had only happened yesterday. Had his anger warped his mind to hold onto such a grudge that wasn’t relevant any longer? Did his vindictiveness stretch that far?
I could feel the sharp burn behind my eyes, threatening tears as I took the risk in glancing at him. His expression, though still angry, caught me off guard when I found him staring at my lips. Then, when he dipped his head to kiss me, I moved my head to the side, not wanting to continue the hell that would come after he had his way with me.
“Please, don’t—don’t insult me like this.”
His lips kissed my cheek, trailing across to my ear while the tip of his nose inhaled my scent. “I hate you … but I hate myself more for wanting you. When you’re not around, things are back to normal. But, whenever you are, I just have this consuming need to kiss you and fuck you until sunrise.”
I couldn’t take hearing him say it out loud, especially not when I was feeling at my lowest. I was far too vulnerable to fake my way out of this rut.
“Then let me go. It will make things easier for us.”
“That’s the thing—I can’t do that, either. I like the fact that I can see you whenever I want to. I like knowing that you’re sound asleep under my roof or if you’re eating well. I like having you here.”
“Stop—” I nervously heaved when his hand cupped my breast while his mouth busied itself with my neck, arousing me to submit to him.
“You want this as much as I do. Why deny us the pleasure when it’s clear you and I can’t get enough of each other?”
“If things were just that simple, I’d probably let you have your way. But it isn’t with me, Reiss. I don’t know if you’re acting blind, but I’m sure you already know I’m in love with you, so it’s not that simple for me.”
He was breathing raggedly, and his hand had stilled against my breast as I waited for his response.
Tears prickled again as the seconds flew by, and I wondered what kind of damage I had caused this time.
“I want you, and I have accepted the fact that I always will. But that’s all I can give you, Ava. And even if I tried to love you, my entire existence revolts at the thought of what loving you might cause me this time.”
I sniffed, holding back a sob. “I’m sorry. I know there’s no possibility of it, but I still had to say it.”
“I’m sorry, too, for not being the man for you. Ten years ago, I would’ve moved mountains to have you and your heart. I was so crazy for you I was willing to look like a complete idiot as long as I had you with me, in my arms, loving you each day. But that was years ago, Ava. You can’t keep living in the past. I don’t want to hurt you, but sometimes, I can’t control this bitterness that resurfaces each time I see you. And, yet, my body desires you like you’re its drug. Sex with you is like nothing I have experienced before. I thought how good it was with you was all in my imagination all these years, but after that night in your room, I knew I wasn’t imagining it anymore.” His body pressed against mine as he whispered into my ear, making me all the more confused about my feelings for him.
“Fucking you scares the living hell out of me because it is only you who has the power to unman me. It’s a battle between wanting to experience Heaven and what kind of Hell could come out of it. This is what I experience every time I look at you. So, if I’m acting hostile, you know I’m fighting the need to ravish you on sight.”