CHAPTER ONE
I stretched, my long limbs uncurling beneath the silk sheets. The alarm buzzed on the locker and lazily I reached out and clicked it off. Another day of the usual errands. Turning over in the bed I stared wistfully at the empty space beside me. Why did Richard leave? It didn’t make any sense. We were happy, or at least I thought we were.
A week had passed since Richard had left, taking all of his belongings with him. I remembered the tears I’d shed as I begged him to explain why. All he had given me in return were cold looks and a brief peck on the cheek before he walked out the door.
I hated to admit it but I was lonely without him. I missed his touch, the smell of his aftershave and the way he always sang out of tune when he was in the shower.
Sitting up I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stood. Stretching my arms above my head, my breasts strained against the soft camisole that I wore. Padding into the bathroom I flicked on the shower, and then stopped to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I stripped slowly, my eyes picking out each little flaw and imperfection that I knew I had.
Richard had always joked that he loved having a little something extra to hold onto when we made love. There was always that extra little edge to his voice when he said it. The tone of his voice suggesting that what he said went beyond teasing. Naturally, it had always made me feel insecure. But it didn’t seem to matter how much I hit the gym my body just wasn’t cut out to be thin and waif like.
With a sigh I stepped into the shower and let the hot water cascade down across my naked skin. Why did I let thoughts like that bother me? It was stupid, I knew I shouldn’t think so badly about my body. If I didn’t love myself, then how could I expect anyone else to love me? Or at least that was the advice all of the magazines gave out. I was supposed to be a strong, confident, independent woman. And yet, the niggling doubts still filled my mind with the idea that I wasn’t good enough and no one would ever love me in the way I so desperately craved.
Grabbing the shower gel I squirted some out into my hand and began to lather up my body violently. Each time my hands rubbed against my nipples it made them stiffen a little more. Too long had passed since I’d had sex, and now I was beginning to suffer for it. Indulging myself I let my hand dip between my legs, rubbing my clit in lazy circles. I moaned and pressed my free hand against my breast, pinching and playing until the nipple was painfully erect.
The phone rang. Its insistent shrill tone made me freeze. Just ignore it, it’ll go to voice mail, the little voice in my mind urged. My hand began to slowly circle my clit once more as the answering machine kicked in. The sound of my apologetic greeting made the anger within me surface once more and I slipped my fingers into my body. Why was I always so apologetic about every goddamned thing?
The smooth caress of my boss’ voice filtered out from the answering machine. I froze. The sound of his voice sent shivers of passion down my spine. Now there was a man who knew how to be in control. I had often thought what it would be like to surrender to a man who held all the power. A man who with just the tone of his voice could reduce me to a quivering mess.
Something clicked in my brain. What the hell was he saying? I launched myself out of the shower stall and into the hall. Standing there with water dripping onto the wooden floor from my naked body, I listened intently to the message.
“Look, Carrie, I just need you to get your ass over here as soon as possible. This whole deal has turned to shit and I need you here... We need to...” He sighed on the other end of the line. I could picture him sitting behind his desk his hand idly pushing his dark hair back from his face. The phone clicked dead.
He had probably pressed the wrong button. He seemed to be doing that an awful lot lately. Part of me wondered why, as I headed back into the bathroom and grabbed a towel. When I had first started working for Mr. Ashcroft, he had been more than capable of dealing with all of the fancy gadgets at his disposal. However, as more time passed, he seemed to more often be in need of my help in using them. It was odd and out of character.
I dragged the brush through my dark hair. If I was to get to work on time and not receive a telling off then I needed to hurry. Hastily I applied makeup. All thoughts of my earlier play-time in the shower were forgotten. I simply didn’t have time to finish. That seemed to be happening more often, and part of me wondered if I really was too busy to finish, or if I was deliberately stopping myself.
Slipping on a simple black dress, I zipped it up the side. Underneath I wore a white blouse with sleeves that cut off at the elbow. I preferred clothes that covered my arms but didn’t cling to them. I had always been self-conscious about my arms. I’d never fully understood why, but I knew to feel comfortable they had to remain covered.
Grabbing my coat and purse I ran out the door, barely remembering to lock it behind me.
The commute to the office was the usual nightmare. Men on the train stared at me like I was some type of strange creature that had arrived on earth. Friends on more than one occasion had tried to persuade me the staring was because I was so attractive. But of course I had always dismissed that notion as pure nonsense. Men did not find women who were plump attractive. Every magazine article, book, advertising, and movie, I had ever come into contact with reassured me of this fact.
Even when I had been with Richard, he had always seemed loathe to admit in public that we were together. The only place he ever held my hand in public was when we went to the cinema and sat in the dark.
Grabbing up my morning coffee, my heart sank. How could I have been so stupid? Wasting so much time with a man who didn’t even really like me? I shook my head and picked up the second coffee I had prepared for Ashcroft.
Carrying the cups carefully I tried to keep the shake from my hands as I walked into his office. His chair faced the window and I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was not succeeding in pulling the deal back from the brink. Yesterday, the deal had been running smoothly. What could possibly have happened over night to send everything to hell?
In my mind I ran through all of the files I had sent out. Ashcroft’s angry voice cut across my thoughts.
“What do you mean you didn’t receive it? It was sent yesterday! My staff are perfectly competent, thank you!”
I watched as he slammed the phone back on its receiver. He swung around to face me and pushed his hand back through his hair. Sparkling blue eyes filled with anger raked down over my body. He softened a little as he noticed the coffee on the desk.
“What would I do without you, Carrie?” He sighed and pushed himself back in the chair. His normally clean-shaven jaw had a fine sprinkling of dark stubble. In my mind it made him even more handsome. It gave him a sort of wild look. I could imagine him clearing the desk with one swipe and laying me across the wood.