Tasha nodded and Andre answered vocally, “Yes.”
Finally, Dr. Jolie raised his eyes to make contact with them. “When did you start trying to conceive again?”
“Well, we weren’t ever not trying.” Andre laughed to hide the uncomfortable feeling creeping over him. “But we’ve been aware of her ovulation schedule since Christmas.”
“So not even six months.” He closed the file and pushed it aside. “The best advice I could give you two is to relax and give nature a chance.”
“There’s nothing else we can do?” Tasha’s emotion-choked voice made Andre feel bad. Andre knew what she was hoping for when they came in to see Dr. Jolie. She wanted an instant pill that would cause her ovaries to release a dozen eggs at once, hoping those odds could assure that at least one of Andre’s sperm would cross the finish line.
It was becoming clear to Andre, though, that Dr. Jolie had other ideas. “Tell you what…” The doctor stood. That had to be a bad sign. Didn’t standing mean he was about to show them out? “Let’s just let nature take its course. If Tasha isn’t with child by the time Christmas rolls around, then we’ll discuss fertility options.”
Christmas? Seriously? The fertility doctor wanted Tasha to wait six months before implementing some sort of a treatment plan?
Tasha let Andre lead her, pretty much in a daze, to the limo waiting outside the building’s main entrance. He helped her into the car and then climbed in himself.
“Can you close the partition, please?” she whispered to Andre.
“Sure thing.” He reached for the button and pressed it. The window immediately and effectively cut them off from the driver. Andre slipped her hand in his and squeezed. “Look, I know this wasn’t the news you wanted to hear, but if there’s nothing wrong with either of us then the odds are in our favor, right?”
Tasha appreciated Andre’s pep talk, but optimism wasn’t a part of Tasha’s skill set right now. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe Tasha was destined to be the aunt who spoiled her nieces and nephews rotten, to the dismay of their parents.
“You know, I’ve been thinking…” And she had. Not very long, only since the doctor’s words had filled her mind, but once Tasha got an idea in her head, it didn’t take much for it to take hold. “Maybe we should just forget about this fertility business.” She looked at Andre for direction. “Maybe we should quit trying and just let nature take its course. I can’t keep living like this. Wondering every month if we’ve succeeded, and then feeling the deflation when we don’t. If it happens, wonderful. If it doesn’t, we need to be able to move on and just enjoy our lives.”
“I agree. Let’s give nature a chance.” He pulled her to him and kissed her cheek. “But are you sure you’re okay with leaving it up to fate?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “Besides…I’m having a lot of fun driving Julian up the wall. He thinks I’m obsessed with Juliana.” Tasha giggled. “I do enjoy the little tyke, but I also enjoy freaking out Julian.”
After returning to Pacifique de Lumière, Andre settled Tasha in for a nap and then went out to the gardens. He knew Tasha was just being brave. That she wasn’t as compliant with the doctor’s advice as she’d claimed. Trouble was, Andre wasn’t sure how to make this right.
In the garden, Andre turned sideways and squeezed through the hedges. The Roman Goddess statue, the protector of the garden, and the benches perched against all four walls of shrubs might have been weathered with time, and the trees and shrubs might have grown considerably, but every time Andre came into the grove he was transported back to a time when he was no more than two. He had flashes of memories about playing here. He knew his mother used to bring him and Julian inside the grove, but even so, Andre hadn’t a single memory of his mother even though he well remembered playing in here with Julian. There was a part of Andre’s heart that felt cheated because he hadn’t any memories of his mother. If only he could’ve managed to save just one.
He took the handkerchief from his pocket and brushed dust from the goddess statue’s face. “Mama, where did I go wrong?” Andre asked, barely above a whisper. His gaze moved to the memorial stone beside the goddess. It and the new bench at the foot of the statues were the newest things in the garden. Andre’s eyes traveled over the words on the memorial stone.
We thought of you with love today,
but that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday
and days before that too.
Your memory is our keepsake,
with which we’ll never part.
God has you in His keeping,
We have you in our hearts.
In loving memory of our little Angel.
We cherish the few precious weeks
your mother carried you in her womb.
“Is this punishment for not telling Tasha about the stipulations of the will in the first place?” A chill shuddered over him. “Did our only child die because of me?”
The hedges rustled behind him. Andre looked over his shoulder just in time to see Julian squeezing through.
“What are you doing here?” Andre asked.
“Looking for you.”
“Why?”
“I saw you come out here. And you only come out here when something’s troubling you.”
Andre had to give Julian credit. When he was right, he was right. Even so, that didn’t mean Andre was going to tell Julian what was troubling him. “You wouldn’t understand,” he said, shaking his head.
Julian stopped beside Andre and shoved his hands in his trouser pockets. “Try me.”
Andre shook his head. “I just can’t help wondering if this mess isn’t a product of my own doing.”
“I’m not following you.”
“I told you that you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m sure I could if you’d just help me to understand what you think you’ve done that’s so awful.”
“I should’ve been forthcoming with Tasha. I should’ve told her from the beginning what was really going on.”
“So tell her now.”
“It’s far too late for that.” Andre stared at the ground. “I should’ve told her from the beginning.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Because she was pregnant. I was afraid she would think I was only marrying her to get the inheritance. I didn’t want her to say no.” Andre shook his head and lifted his gaze back up to the memorial stone. “Because of my selfishness, we lost our baby.”