She arched her back, pushing her br**sts higher. Her hands were on his chest, bracing herself as she rode him with a frenzied, honest passion that shook him to the core. Hands at her hips, he stared up into her eyes as she moved, and he was caught by the light glittering in those blue depths.
He felt swept up by both passion and emotion and just for that one, staggering moment, Simon forgot about everything else but Tula. She cried out his name as her release claimed her and a single heartbeat later, his body joined hers.
Blindly, Simon reached for her, pulling her down to his chest where he could cradle her close. Where, for a few brief seconds, he could forget that he had maneuvered her into this and instead pretend that what they had just shared was real.
Eleven
It had changed nothing.
And everything.
Two days later, Tula was still trying to understand the shift in her and Simon’s relationship. If she could even call it that. Connected by a child, they were two people currently sharing a bed. Did that actually constitute a “relationship”?
Simon was kind and funny and warm and so attentive in bed, she’d hardly had any sleep at all the last two nights. Which, of course, she wasn’t exactly complaining about. But was there anything else in his heart for her? Was it just desire? Was it expediency, since she was right there in his house and would be until she decided to hand over custody of Nathan?
She’d given herself to the man she loved with no assurances at all that he would care for her in return. Yes, she loved him. And it was too late now to change that.
How could she have let this happen? Hadn’t she made a vow to herself not to take that last slippery step into love? But how could she possibly have avoided it? she asked herself. Simon was so much more than she had originally thought him to be. She had seen glimpses of his caring nature that he fought to bury so deeply. She had watched him with his son and been touched by the gentleness he showed Nathan. She had laughed with Simon, fought with him and made love with him in every possible way.
She couldn’t avoid the simple truth any longer. She was in love with a man who was only in lust.
“This can’t end well.”
“That’s the spirit,” Anna cheered sarcastically.
Tula just looked at her friend and shook her head. “How you can expect me to be optimistic about this is beyond me. Anna, he doesn’t love me.”
“You don’t know that.”
A snort of laughter shot from her throat. “He hasn’t said it. Hasn’t shown any signs of admitting it. I think that’s a good clue.”
“All that means is that he’s a man,” Anna said, her gaze locked on the mural she was painting. “Sweetie, none of them ever want to admit to being in love. For some bizarre reason, the male brain deliberately will jump in the opposite direction the first time the word ‘love’ is used. They’re just naturally skittish.”
Tula laughed out loud. The baby on her hip enjoyed the sound and gurgled happily. She planted a quick kiss on his forehead before answering her friend.
“Simon? Skittish?” Shaking her head, she imagined the man in her mind and the idea of him being nervous about anything seemed even more ludicrous. “He’s a force of nature, Anna. He sets down rules and expects everyone else to abide by them. And they do.”
“You don’t,” she pointed out.
“No, but I’m different.”
“He doesn’t even expect you to do what he says, does he?”
“Not anymore,” Tula assured her. “He knows better.”
“Uh-huh.” Anna maneuvered her paintbrush across the wall and still kept the conversation going. “So he’s broken his own rule when it comes to you.”
She thought about that for a second. “I suppose, but only because I made fun of his stupid schedule.”
“How did he react?”
“He was all insulted,” Tula told her with a laugh. Then she remembered. “But he started changing up his schedule. Coming home early, skipping meetings…”
“Hmm,” Anna mused.
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Tula protested, but her mind was working.
“Only that Mr. I-have-a-schedule-set-in-stone is changing himself because of you.”
“But—”
“Men don’t do that if they don’t care, Tula. Why would they?”
“No,” Tula said, shaking her head, “you’re wrong. Simon doesn’t care about me. Beyond the obvious pluses about having me in his bed and here, taking care of Nathan.”
“I don’t know…”
“I do,” Tula insisted, closing her mind to thoughts of Simon for a minute as she stared at the baby settled at her hip. She wasn’t going to pretend everything was great. It wasn’t. And it wasn’t only the question of Simon’s feelings that had her wrapped up so tightly.
Every day that passed she was that much closer to having to say goodbye to Nathan. She was going to lose the child that felt like her own. She was going to lose his father and the illusion of family she’d been living in for weeks. She was going to lose everything that mattered to her and that knowledge was tearing a hole in her heart.
“I’m going to have to leave soon, Anna. I’ll have to walk away from Nathan and Simon. And the thought of it is just killing me.”
Sitting back on her heels, Anna looked up at her. “Who are you and what have you done with Tula?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you are the world’s biggest optimist,” Anna told her, turning back to the mural she had been working on since the day before. “Even when you had no reason for it, you always maintained the upbeat attitude. Heck, Tula. Even your dad didn’t rock your boat. If you wanted something, you went after it, no matter how many people tried to tell you it couldn’t be done. So what’s happening?”
Tula sat down, balancing Nathan in the circle of her crossed legs. “He did,” she said, dropping a kiss onto the baby’s head. “This little guy changed everything for me, Anna. I can’t just go my own way anymore. Not when I have him to think about.”
“Ah,” her friend said, “so this isn’t about Simon at all? You’ve been kidding yourself and me? You’re just worried about Nathan, huh? Not pining away for the baby’s father?”
Eyes narrowed, Tula warned, “No one likes a know-it-all.”
“Oooh. Scored a point!” Smiling, Anna swept paint over the forest on the wall, wielding her paintbrush as expertly as a surgeon used his scalpel. “Come on, honey. This sudden case of the poor me’s is about more than Nathan. More even than Simon. This is about you finally finding the place you want to be and thinking you have to leave it.”