“I’m sorry,” she says again. This time, I feel her silent tears seep into my shirt.
“I took Knox, who they referred to as ‘Baby Knox,’ because we hadn’t named him yet. I tried to get them to change it to Baby Beckett, but the results weren’t back yet, so I had to wait. Anyway, I went to the cafeteria to eat, since I had been burning the candle at both ends. When I made it back to the nursery to check on Knox, the doctors and nurses were standing around, and I could tell something was wrong. I flipped, thinking it was him because he was early. They’d said he was fine, but my emotions got the best of me. Only it wasn’t Knox, it was Melissa.”
“Oh, no,” she murmurs, her voice barely audible. I can feel the rumble against my neck where she’s burrowed close to me.
“Aneurysm.”
Kendall sits up and I grip her tight, not wanting to let her go. “I’m not leaving,” she assures me. Instead, she straddles my lap. I grab the blanket and wrap it around her shoulders, and she surprises me when she hugs me.
My arms circle around her and I hold on tight, crushing her to me. I’m overwhelmed with emotions—sadness for Knox, for Melissa, for the fact they’ll never know each other. Fear, for me and for Knox, that I can’t be both father and mother and give him what he needs. And something else, something I’m not willing to name, which is all wrapped up sitting on my lap. Everything I feel for her is . . . unexpected, but it’s real. I’m certain about that. It’s not a feeling I’ve ever had, and that’s also scary as hell.
She finally pulls away, her blue eyes watching me. There is something hauntingly familiar about them, but I know it’s just her. Just Kendall. It’s the pull she has on me.
“So you see, sweet girl, you’re not a rebound. You’re so much more. It’s new to me, but I’m not running from it. I want you to be in my life, but like you said earlier, it’s a package deal and I have to think of my son. I can’t let him grow attached to you—although, he may already be.” I chuckle nervously. “I need to know that you’re in this with me. It’s fast and it doesn’t make any sense, but I’ve learned that life is too short and you need to learn to roll with the changes it throws at you.”
She’s quiet for a while, just staring over my shoulder at the pond. “I don’t know how to give less than everything, Ridge. That’s what happened with my ex. I put everything I am into our relationship, and he broke me. Not just from the drugs and the anger, but my heart. He crushed it, crushed me. I vowed that I would never again put myself in the situation to get hurt like that again.”
“Kendall, I—”
She places her fingers over my lips, stopping me.
“I was with him for a year before things started to get bad, and two years altogether. Even when times were good with us, I never felt for him what I do for you in just this short period of time. I know I won’t be able to come back from you, Ridge Beckett.”
Well, fuck me. Kendall Dawson, my sweet girl. She unmans me.
“Jump, baby. Jump and let me catch you. I can’t explain it. There are no words to explain this, or how I feel. I just know that I would never, ever hurt you. I know I want to hear your voice every day. I know a simple text from you changes the outcome of my day. I know I’ve tasted your sweet lips four times, and that’s not nearly enough.” Leaning in, I kiss her.
This time, I trace her lips with my tongue, coaxing her to open for me, and she does. I don’t waste time, sliding my tongue past her lips to truly taste her for the first time.
Fucking addictive.
I have her face cradled in my hands, hers resting atop mine as we get lost in each other. It starts slow and easy, but suddenly that’s not enough. My tongue battles with hers, and I fight to taste more of her. She moans deep in her throat, and it fuels me. I nip at her bottom lip and soothe it with my tongue before plunging back inside. Her hands drop from mine to grip my shoulders, pulling me toward her as if she can’t seem to get close enough.
I know the feeling.
She rocks her hips against me, and that simple act alone lights a fire inside me. My hands fall to her waist, my grip tight as I help her find a rhythm that’s driving us both crazy with need.
“Ridge,” she pleads.
“I got you, sweet girl.” My hands slide down to her ass, cupping each cheek, not breaking the rhythm we’ve created. My lips trail across her neck, nipping, sucking, and licking, driving her crazy.
Who am I kidding? I’m driving myself crazy.
She’s so damn responsive.
“Please don’t,” she gasps.
“I won’t, babe. I’m not stopping until I see you come undone,” I say, reading her mind.
“Please.”
“Open your eyes, Kendall. Let me see those baby blues.”
Her eyes pop open and lock on mine.
“I want you to come for me, sweet girl. I want to look into your eyes and watch you fall apart.” Her head falls back, breaking eye contact, but the moan that falls from her lips tells me she’s losing control. For me—because of me—this beautiful creature is losing her inhibitions.
“Ridge!” she cries out into the night air.
Wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, I pull her to me and crash my lips to hers. She pulls away long before I’m ready to stop and buries her face in my neck.
“I can’t believe I just did that.”
I raise my hips so my rock-hard erection shows her exactly what I think about what we just did. Not her—we.