“That girl wants to love you to death. She wants to love you forever.”
“Tell me the truth.” The words felt like they had to be ripped out of him because it goddamn terrified him to do this again – to put his trust in Saffi when every instinct he possessed told him he was being stupid to even consider it.
“Tell me the truth and we’ll move on, we’ll never talk about it again.” He looked at her, not bothering to conceal how her betrayal had torn him to pieces, so much so that Staffan didn’t feel he could ever be complete again.
“We’ve only been married for just a few f**king days and you’re already tearing me apart. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant? WHY?”
“I told you,” Saffi cried out. “It was because I was afraid you wouldn’t be happy---”
“That’s f**king bullshit and you know it!” Staffan roared. “How could you f**king think I wouldn’t be happy if we had a baby? I loved you, Saffi. I loved you so why the f**k wouldn’t I be happy to have another part of you that would always be mine?”
She sobbed so hard at his question that it drove Saffi to her knees. Oh, how easy Staffan made it sound! He had told her he loved her. He had made her feel like he loved her, but all these years she had learned to accept that no one outside her family could understand her – that no one would ever care to love her because she was too different.
How could she not think he wouldn’t be happy?
“I was young---”
“Stop with the f**king lies! Just because you’re young doesn’t make you stupid. You’re one of the goddamn smartest persons I know, Saffi!”
But she wasn’t smart where it counted. Saffi wasn’t smart at all because if she was, she would have trusted him, and then none of this would have happened.
“Why, Saffi, just tell me goddamn why…” Staffan sank to his knees in front of her, and the sight of him kneeling made Saffi want to cry endlessly.
Oh God, if only she had trusted him to love her and the baby!
“Why?” The sound of Staffan’s heart breaking with that one word was audible, and her heart splintered into pieces along with it.
Maybe, she thought dully, maybe…maybe some lies could have a good ending.
There was only one way out here, one way to have Staffan back in her life, and the price for it would have to be another lie.
“I’m sorry.” She forced herself to look at Staffan as she said tremulously, “I’m sorry I lied to you. I turned to Jeremy for comfort…it was just that one night. And I…I needed you so badly. So this baby could be his. But I promise if you take me back…I won’t ever lie to you again.”
She took his hand. “So please---” Her voice caught. “Please, please, please forgive me---”
Staffan hauled her to him, his lips covering hers. And as they kissed and tasted her tears in between, Saffi prayed that this time she was lying for all the right reasons – even if it didn’t feel like it.
Chapter Nine
I think I just saw Staffan Aehrenthal and his new wife in a cab and they were doing it hard.
Twitter: JessieBrient
“I can’t believe you ran halfway here.” Saffi was gawking at him.
“Don’t f**king bother to think about it,” he muttered. Still feeling her wide-eyed gaze at him, Staffan snarled, “I mean it. Don’t think about it.” The realization that he had been so uncool as to leave his car in the middle of the road – unlocked – just to run after his wife made Staffan shudder.
As they went past the revolving doors of March Enterprises, they came to an awkward stop.
“Do, uhh, you want to use one of Steel’s cars---” The cold look Staffan gave her made Saffi shut up.
Deciding it would take too long to have Bob drive over to fetch them, he said curtly, “Let’s just take a cab.” He didn’t wait for her answer. He nodded to one of the security men who was so obviously eavesdropping on their conversation and the younger man, now red-faced, quickly hailed one for them.
The first one that responded appeared more than a little old, with a broken fender and windows rolled down because – as the cab driver explained with a strong Creole accent – the air-conditioning unit was broken. He was also half deaf and looked over sixty. It was possible that he wasn’t even licensed and was moonlighting in a borrowed cab.
At this moment, though, Staffan didn’t give a f**k. All he wanted was to get Saffi home and have a chance for them to lose themselves in each other’s bodies.
Saffi gave him a dubious glance. “We could just wait…?”
He ushered her inside. He was done f**king waiting. He just wanted to take her in his arms and pretend the whole world didn’t exist. Whoever f**king said that it didn’t pay to be blind didn’t f**king know anything.
Saffi had to repeat their address thrice before the cab driver finally nodded and started driving. She settled back into her seat, with Staffan at the other end leaving a huge gap between them. She did her best not to fidget but it was hard. She couldn’t help remembering the look of cold disapproval on Steel’s face.
But she knew it wasn’t because he was furious. Steel was afraid for her, and she couldn’t blame him. But this was a risk Saffi had no choice but to take. It was the only way to have Staffan back and maybe, just maybe she would also soon have the chance to show Staffan that she had only ever loved him.
But whatever she had to do to make Staffan believe her, it would have to be done without words. Staffan had been adamant about it, harshly so. We won’t talk about it again, Saffi. We’ll wait until after the child comes out and we’ll decide then. But before that – we’ll just concentrate on you and me and finding our way back to each other.
Thinking hard of a way to start making Staffan trust in her again, she blurted out, “Let’s go away.” She was gazing fixedly at the scenery outside the cab. They were going too fast for the people outside to recognize her face or Staffan’s, but she was pretty sure a huge mob of fans would result if people figured out that Staffan Aehrenthal was now within their “reach”.
Staffan reached for her hand, and the touch made her shiver. She turned to him as he asked, “What about your classes?”
“I’ll take a leave of absence.” She couldn’t help rubbing her thumb over his knuckles, the way he liked to do with her. She needed this touch, needed like it was the only way to make her heart beat.