Maybe if he understood her, what made her tick, solved the puzzle, then she would lose her appeal. He could relegate her into the long list of “lovers turned to friends.”
He’d never thought of himself as a coward, but each time he’d girded himself to confront her, ask her what she wanted from him, where they were going, he backed down. Because he was pretty sure she would walk away from him if he pushed her into a corner.
He didn’t want her to do that. And strangely, for the first time in his life, he didn’t want his feelings to change, couldn’t imagine thinking of her as a friend, never kissing her, holding her, making love…
He kept waiting for the trapped sensation, the one that always came when a woman started to get comfortable, think there was a future with him. But the feeling never came with Dani and really, it was obvious why not.
Because he wasn’t trapped.
Because all she really wanted him for was sex.
And after she’d gotten enough of him, then she would go back to her old life and forget he even existed.
She didn’t care about him, about his life, what he wanted. She was using him.
He couldn’t believe he had actually had that thought. It was payback—the tables were well and truly turned. And he didn’t like it. Had no clue what to do about it. All he knew was the idea of her leaving him, going back into danger, was tearing him apart.
Shit, he was in trouble.
…
Dani had moved into the main house. She’d considered maintaining some distance—for all of about a second—but it wasn’t really an option. Zach wouldn’t let her. And besides, she didn’t want to trip over Gary and Simon and their disapproving expressions every five minutes.
“Don’t worry,” she’d told Gary as he lounged in the open doorway while she packed her bag. “I know you think I can’t look after myself, but honestly, I’ll be fine. This thing with Zach is a bit of fun—nothing serious.”
She only hoped she’d been telling the truth, but as usual as soon as the thought flickered through her mind, she squashed it down into the deepest, darkest corner of her brain. She was not going to spoil these last days. Four more to go until the physical. She wouldn’t waste them.
Peering through the glass doors, she could see Zach on the sofa, a fierce expression on his normally laid-back face. She hoped he was thinking about the plot of his book and not about her. Then she noticed the phone clasped in his hand.
She pushed open the door, and he watched her as she crossed the room.
“Bad news?” she asked.
He glanced at the phone as if he’d forgotten it was in his hand and then tossed it onto the table. “No. Just Jess checking in—she said to say hi.”
“Oh.”
“And I might be coming with you next week.”
“To the physical?”
“Well, not actually to the physical, but I’ve been invited to an awards ceremony. Jess is checking out whether it will be safe. She’ll let us know.”
That was nice. She’d been dreading leaving him, but this might give them another day or so together.
He still appeared on edge, and she leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, then climbed onto his lap, straddling his leans hips and kissing him on the mouth. For a second, he melted into her, then he pulled away.
She flinched, a little stab of fear jabbing her in the stomach. Was this it? Was this how it ended? Was he sick of her already?
She would have sworn that wasn’t the case. They seemed closer than ever. Maybe that was the problem—he didn’t want to be close. But she’d done her best not to get serious with him, to make it clear that she wouldn’t cling when it was over. She just didn’t want it to be over yet.
Leaning back, she studied him. His jaw was tight with tension. “Are you okay?”
She’d expected at simple yes, but instead he gave a shrug. “Just restless. I wish this whole thing was over.”
Including me?
There was that little stab of fear again. But really, had she thought she could keep him when no other woman had? It was only days until her physical and then this would be over anyway. At least she hoped so. Or did she?
She’d been doing her very best to enjoy the “now” and not think about the future. Because there was a big dark hole when she thought about not seeing Zach again. But she would get over him, once she was back in the order and routine of her old life. Once she was back in control.
She trailed a finger down his chest, flicking open the top button of his shirt so she could slip her hand inside, stroke the warm, satiny skin. “If you’re restless, we could go to bed. Work off some of that energy.” She flicked another button, drifted her fingers lower, but he stopped her with a hand on top of hers and her gaze flew to his face.
“We can’t spend our whole lives having sex,” he muttered.
They couldn’t? They hadn’t been doing such a bad job so far. She didn’t answer because she didn’t know what to say.
“Maybe I’d just like to get out of here,” he said. “Do something normal—like a normal couple.”
Was he talking about a goddamn date? She chewed on her lower lip. “But we’re not a normal couple, Zach. Hardly even a couple, never mind normal.”
Anger flashed across his face. “The hell we aren’t a couple.”
Dani took a deep breath. She didn’t understand him in this mood. Maybe she didn’t understand him at all. “Let me get this straight. You want to take me out for a date?”
“We could head to the coast. Have lunch…”
She didn’t want to go out. She didn’t want the real world to impinge on her little idyll. But he was looking eager now. He actually wanted to take her out. Was he bored? She didn’t think so.
“Come on, Dani. You can go put a dress on.”
“I don’t have a dress.”
He ignored her. “We’ll take Gary to babysit me, but he’s not sitting at our table.”
She gave in to the inevitable. “I’ll go shower.”
Chapter Thirteen
They’d chosen a table under a yellow striped umbrella right at the edge of the sand. Gary sat across the terrace, nursing a cup of coffee and not looking happy. He hadn’t approved of the trip but had given in when Zach had promised he’d do what he was told and come back at the first hint anything was amiss. Maybe Gary could also sense Zach’s restlessness and had decided this was the lesser of two evils.