Slamming on the brakes, he just missed the car in front, which had come to a halt. Lorelei stared at him, concerned. Damn it, he loved her. When the hell had that happened? When she’d laughed at his discomfort on the Muni? When she’d kissed him and then gone into anaphylactic shock? When he’d walked into the ballroom at the Four Seasons and she’d looked so sexy he’d wanted to blind every other man in the room so they didn’t look at her? Didn’t matter. It had happened and it was his worst nightmare. He’d rather move back in with his mother than admit to anyone he’d broken the number one Liam Manning rule—don’t fall in love.
“If you want to take me home we can do dinner another night,” she said.
Had she read his mind? Did the horror of his realization that he loved her show on his face?
“I mean, I know seeing your mother has upset you. If you want to call it a day, take me home.”
Seeing his mother again now seemed the least of his problems. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a poor date. It’s…well…I haven’t seen her since Marcus’s funeral. I thought she’d moved to Arizona.”
“I understand, Liam. Seeing her probably brought back all the bad memories of your brother’s passing.”
“Yeah.”
He gave himself a mental kick up the ass. Is this how he wanted to end it, with him being petulant and her trying to console him? Thinking he’d broken it off because she wasn’t loving enough to comfort him?
He glanced over again. Her hands were folded in her lap, one hand rubbing the back of the other rhythmically. No, this wasn’t how he was going to leave her.
“This traffic is a nightmare. Let’s get off the highway and grab a bite to eat. I probably just haven’t eaten enough today.” He gave her his best smile and was rewarded with a lightening of her whole demeanor. Her shoulders straightened and her head rose a notch. She reached over and rubbed the back of his hand on the stick shift.
If she was going to start touching him in the car they’d have to take the bus next time. The fact that he’d consider getting on the bus again with her showed how bad he had it.
He was so screwed.
Chapter Thirteen
Liam slammed the door to his apartment and headed straight to the liquor cabinet. He poured himself two fingers of whiskey and tossed them back in one. The amber liquid burned down his throat, hopefully incinerating the L-word he could feel lodged in his chest. Dinner had been a disaster. Lorelei had tried too hard, and he hadn’t tried hard enough.
When he’d dropped her at her apartment, he could sense her relief when he declined her invitation to come up. After pouring himself another drink he wandered back toward the computer room. The hum of the servers usually soothed him, taking away his tension. He was back in his world, only now something was missing.
He checked his emails. David had sent a message asking if Liam wanted to perform the first penetration test on a new client. Usually it was his favorite job; it kept his skills up and allowed him to test his mettle against competitors’ firewalls. It was like proving himself each and every time. He replied to David, telling him to do it.
Picking up the photo on his desk of him and Marcus, he stared at his brother’s face. Did he really know what he’d asked when he made Liam promise to finish his novel? Marcus had loved him all his life—there was no way he’d deliberately put him through this hell if he’d known. It was Liam’s fault. He never should have picked Lorelei. He should have stuck true to form and chosen some egotistical, coldhearted model too interested in her own career to even think about worming her way into his heart.
It was too late now, though. He put down the picture and opened the writing program. He poured out all his frustration and malaise into the book, putting the characters through the same torment he himself was experiencing. His fingers flew and before he knew it two hours had passed and he’d written an entire chapter. One more to go, the resolution, and happy ever after, because Marcus had insisted it had to have a happy ever after ending. The ending his brother had so cruelly been denied. At least Marcus had had four happy years with Crescy.
The problem was Liam couldn’t work out how he was going to give the fictional couple happiness when his own situation was so bleak. He leaned back in the chair, staring at the blinking cursor that taunted him with his inability to write his way out of the mess of his own life.
There was no hope, no future for him and Lorelei. Even if all the deceit and treachery could be forgiven, she wanted children, tons of them by the sound of it. And to be honest, he couldn’t imagine her without them. To see himself as a father, however, was too much for his programming to compute. Lorelei had probably worked that out herself as well. Which was why they had parted so distantly tonight.
So, the big question was, should he see her again or just let the flame burn out? He had a trip to China he needed to make; he’d been putting it off but he could go as early as next week. That would give them the distance needed to cool off. Of course, he’d mentally promised Lorelei a trip to Antigua. She and Mandy could go there while he was in China and by the time both returned to San Francisco they’d be ready to get on with the rest of their lives, their separate lives.
Lorelei didn’t need to know about the book or his cracking the dating site. The writing was so dreadful it would never be published anyway. Marcus had completely overestimated Liam’s ability to write a book based on a few fake dates, although the emotion had been real. Too real.
Liam stretched and wandered into the sitting room. He stared out the floor-to-ceiling window at the lights of the Bay Area. His gut wrenched in knots and his chest hurt when he tried to take a deep breath. Was this how it was going to be whenever he thought of Lorelei?
He shook his head. Get back to work. Delving into cyberspace had always been a panacea for him growing up. It had to work now. He would retreat back to his world where emotions were displayed with colons, brackets, and other seldom used punctuation.
Before he was halfway back to the computer, there was a tentative knock on his door. He hesitated for a minute, glancing at the clock. It was almost midnight. David was still in DC, although he was scheduled to come back tomorrow. Was it Helen with a problem? He really didn’t want to sit around chatting with her. She always gazed at him like the sun shone out of his ass. But if his best friend’s sister needed something, he’d better help.
With a weary sigh he opened the door, expecting to see the stringy blond hair of his next-door neighbor. Instead, Lorelei stood there, her brown hair tumbling around her shoulders. She was wearing a trench coat, black stockings, and high heels, and by the way she was clutching the lapels together he guessed not a heck of a lot more. His pulse rate soared and all his reasoning of the last hour about ending things with her now fled out the open door.