But what made things worse was that she knew she’d left a huge burden on Suave’s shoulders and her sister ended up paying the price…all for the sake of Silken’s happiness. She would never forgive herself for that.
When Silken arrived at the office eleven minutes later she wasted no time in bundling Suave into the car and rushing her off to the emergency room. There she ran into another frustration - a three-hour wait. What part of emergency didn’t these people get?
Finally, after Silken had practically worn a path in the coarse carpet with all her pacing, Suave was wheeled inside for a battery of tests – blood, urine, ECG and MRI. The good news was, they could find absolutely nothing wrong with her…which was also the bad news. Nobody could pinpoint what was wrong with Suave. And as long as they couldn’t figure it out they were not letting her back out the door.
That evening Silken did not leave Suave’s side. When her sister drifted off to sleep she was still holding her hand. When Max came, carrying a brown paper bag and a cup of coffee, she was still sitting there, the thoughts racing through her head, the guilt eating into her heart.
“Any news?” Max asked as he sank into the empty chair beside her.
Silken shook her head. “Not yet.” Her voice was hoarse from lack of use. She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying not to look as scared as she felt. What if this was a really serious illness? What if…
She couldn’t even think it. If anything happened to her sister she would just die.
“I brought you some dinner,” Max said, setting the bag on the nearby tray and putting out a Styrofoam container and a fork.
“I don’t want any.” She didn’t even have the strength to be gracious.
He shook his head. “You have to eat. You’ll have to stay strong so you can help Suave.” He lifted the lid and the smell of sweet and sour chicken rose into the air. “Now come on. Eat.”
When Max put the fork to her lips Silken opened her mouth and let him lay the succulent meat on her tongue. The sweet tang made her shudder, her taste buds shocked by the sudden stimulation. She hadn’t eaten in eight hours and as she swallowed the first morsel her stomach growled.
With Max’s help Silken got through almost half the meal but as soon as the food had taken the edge off her hunger she pushed his hand away. She had more important things to do than worry about her stomach.
She had to know what was happening to Suave.
***
It took another twenty-four hours and a second round of tests before the doctors came back with a diagnosis. Suave’s symptoms were the manifestation of a disease of the nerves, brain and spinal cord. They determined that she had Multiple Sclerosis.
“What? How could that be? Suave’s been strong and healthy all her life.” Silken’s eyes flew from the ER doctor to the neurologist. “She eats healthy, too. She’s practically a vegetarian. How could this be happening to her?”
The neurologist drew in her breath and her face was grim. “We did the second set of MRI’s with contrast. The ink allowed us to see the lesions on the brain for the first time. Those lesions plus the symptoms she’s been experiencing make it close to certain that what your sister has is MS.”
“But isn’t that a disease that can paralyze?” Silken felt like they’d just dropped her heart inside a lead box. She was glad Suave wasn’t in the room.
“Yes.” The ER doctor folded his arms across his chest. “And that’s why we have to proceed cautiously in handling this patient. Severe stress can exacerbate the condition.” Then he frowned. “I meant to ask you, has she been under any undue stress lately? That’s the primary trigger for this disease.”
Those were the worst words the doctor could have said to Silken because it made her realize that what Suave was going through was all her fault. Because of her selfish behavior, focusing on her wedding and leaving all the work pressure on her sister, she’d put her under stress and made her sick. And this time, she wasn’t sick with anything as benign as the flu. She’d heard about MS and that it was a disease that made you progressively disabled over time and there was no known cure. How could she have done that to her beloved sister?
That night after Suave had been discharged and Silken took her home to bed, she sat by her bedroom window staring out into the night. There was no way she could sleep. Not tonight when she had so much on her mind. Starting the following week Suave would have to begin getting daily injections in the large muscle in her leg. According to the doctors, this was her only hope of slowing down the disease. The sad thing was, the drug was only thirty percent effective but the list of side effects was long, the worst of which was damage to the liver.
Silken sighed. From here on Suave would be faced with a difficult life, with the best case scenario being that they kept things under control and staved off disability for several years. The worst case? It could be as bad as ending up being bedridden and suffering from depression and cognitive impairment.
And who would be there to care for Suave if that ever happened?
Through her tears, Silken stared up at the crescent moon glowing in its inky-blue sea. “Oh, God,” she whispered on a trembling breath, “why didn’t you let it be me?”
CHAPTER TWENTY
“You’re not serious.” Max felt like he’d just been hit by a freight train. “Our wedding is in two weeks.”
“Was.” Silken’s shoulders sagged and her voice sounded old, like she’d already lived a thousand lives. “I can’t marry you, Max. Not under the circumstances.” She shook her head then looked away.
Max felt like she’d grabbed his heart and ripped it out by the roots. Fighting for composure, he reached out and took her hand in his. “Silken, I know you love your sister and I respect you for that but how can you say that? This decision, it will affect the rest of your life…and mine.”
Her face still averted, she drew in a deep breath then let it out slowly. “I’m sorry but it can’t be helped.” Then she sniffed. “You’ll move on, find someone else and I…I’ll survive.”