I’d never forgotten that, even if I’d wanted more than anything else to believe it wasn’t true. Years later, just a few months before she died and after years of living with her hate, she used one of the last times we’d be together to make sure her lesson had been learned.
My mother sat in her favorite red chair in our living room after working a twelve hour shift at the diner while I laced up my boots to go out for the night. Her blue eyes looked dimmed, as if the light in them was gradually going dark. Years of working long hours and not taking care of herself had taken their toll, but I wondered if it was more the anger and hatred she kept alive inside her that was slowly killing her.
“I know you met with him last week. Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked in a voice full of bitterness.
I tugged my laces, pulling them tightly away from my boot. “Because I knew it would bother you.”
“What did he say? What excuse did he have for waiting until you’re seventeen years old to finally want to see you?”
“No excuse. He just wanted to see how I was.”
“I bet he thought he could buy your love, didn’t he?”
I looked up to see her eagerly waiting for my answer. Shaking my head, I told her the truth. “He didn’t seem to think anything. Just wanted to meet me.”
“Don’t believe what he says, Kane. His words are all lies. Remember how we’ve had to live all these years while he lived in that big house with the sons he loved.”
Her words registered in my mind, but I felt no anger at the thought of Cassian and Stefan March at that moment. After years of her trying to school me in hating them and me being the willing student, I felt nothing for my father or his sons. He called them my brothers, but they weren’t my brothers. They were his sons.
I remained what I’d always been. My mother’s son. Kane.
“When I’m gone, he’ll want to know you more. He’ll want you to suddenly be his son. Don’t forget all the birthdays when it was just the two of us. Don’t forget every Christmas with not even one gift from him under the tree.”
I wanted to tell her those were the things I wanted to forget. That even though I tried, I couldn’t hate him and his family like she wanted me to. I said nothing, though.
“Do you remember that school counselor when you were in fifth grade who told you that you had to fight against your demons? Do you remember what I said to him that day in his office with him and the principal sitting there passing judgment on you like you’d done something wrong in acting in your nature?”
“Yes, mom.”
“What did I say, Kane?”
I swallowed hard and repeated the words she’d said in my defense as those two men glared down at me like I was some animal to be hated and feared. “His demons are what he is. That he doesn’t act like you think he should doesn’t mean who he is needs to be fought against.”
“Exactly. I worry when I’m gone you’ll forget who you are because your father will swoop in and show you a world where someone like you wouldn’t fit in if he didn’t change.”
My demons were as much a part of me as my black hair and blue eyes, so her fear that I’d become a different person without them was just useless worry. No matter how much I wanted to shed them, they were who I was.
I finished tying my boots and stood from the couch to walk to where she sat. Leaning down, I kissed her goodbye like I did every time I went out. “I’ll never be anyone but your son, so don’t worry.”
My words sounded dismissive, but I’d meant them more as a simple truth. Those demons would never leave me, and no matter what happened, all that she’d taught me would stay with me forever.
Abbi stirred in the bed, and I looked up to see her gazing down at me. Those big blue eyes that made her look so innocent had fear in them. She should be frightened. Even now, my demons made me want to take her in my arms and bury myself in her.
Bringing her back here was a mistake.
I LAY on my side and stared down into his almost hypnotic blue eyes. “What do you want, Kane? You must want something or you wouldn’t have brought me here.”
He said nothing but shook his head, even as he never took his gaze from my face.
“Do you do this with a lot of women? I still think this is kidnapping, by the way.”
The corners of his mouth hitched up slightly, but still he said nothing. It was like having a staring match with a cat. Kane merely looked up at me from his place on the floor, which confused me even more. This was his home, yet he chose to sleep on the floor?
Not much of a captor. That was a good thing. Maybe he wouldn’t hurt me.
“Please talk to me. You have no idea how strange it is to be in some man’s bed with him silently staring up at you when you ask him question after question.”
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out at first. Pressing his lips together, as if to stop himself from saying something, he finally smiled and said, “I don’t say much. I think you noticed that the first time we met.”
As he spoke, what I noticed was how perfect his mouth looked. Lips just full enough to be sensual, they made me think of what they’d feel like if he kissed me.
“You seemed to say a lot earlier when we were in the car.”
“Uh huh.”
The mention of our time together after leaving The Carousel Club made me remember I hadn’t returned to get my things there. “I didn’t get my purse and clothes! They’ll be gone by now. The last of my money was in my purse.”
He said nothing as I began to sob but pointed at a chair near the door where my purse and clothes sat.
“You got my things?”
Another nod but nothing more.
I couldn’t figure out what he was up to. He’d said he didn’t want anything from me, but who acted like this without wanting something? I was basically his prisoner here in this tiny apartment he called home, yet he was the one sleeping on the floor.
I looked back at him, this time noticing his gorgeous body above the blanket that only covered his legs. Tattoos covered his muscular chest and arms, and a single line of words crossed his lower abs just above his hipbones. As I studied it, I realized the words read DO NO HARM.
What an odd thing to tattoo there.
“Do you want to come up here instead of sleeping on the floor? That can’t be comfortable.”
“No. I’m fine here.”
Something made me want to comfort him, even though he’d given me no real indication anything was wrong. It just made me feel selfish to let him sleep down there on the hard floor alone.