Was I truly any better? I'd brought Nina into my world believing I was keeping her safe, but it had been my own selfishness more than anything else. I was no different than I'd ever been. I wanted something and used my money to get it. Typical Stone behavior.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the door to the private room open. "Get out! I told you I didn't want to be bothered, Chase."
"It's not Chase. It's me, Tristan," a woman's voice said quietly.
I turned to see Brandi standing with her back against the door, frightened by my barking. I wasn't in the mood to hear her sad stories about that asshole ex or current or whatever the fuck type of boyfriend Chase was to her now.
"I want to be alone, Brandi."
"I know. I just wanted to check to see if you needed anything."
She moved cautiously from the door as I turned back to stare at the TV. Taking a seat next to me on the couch, she touched my arm softly. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I lied. "Just want to be alone."
"Sometimes when things are bad it's good to talk to someone. You've done that for me more than once. Maybe if you talk about it you'll feel better."
I drank the final gulp of scotch in my glass, enjoying the warmth as it sat in my mouth for a moment before I swallowed. "There's nothing to talk about."
Brandi shifted herself to face me and took my hand. "I hate to see you like this, Tristan. I can't believe someone who has so much could be so sad."
"Well, believe it."
I felt her squeeze my hand and looked over to see her grinning at me. "I have something that I think might make you feel better, at least for a little while."
"Brandi, don't," I said flatly as I pulled my hand away.
"You know you'd feel better. Just a little. Chase said it could help."
I knew what she meant and I should have told her to leave. I knew that. But as I sat there thinking about Nina and what I knew I had to do, all I wanted was some relief from the pain. A tiny reprieve from my sentence.
Brandi slipped a small box from behind her back and spread out three lines of coke on the coffee table in front of us. She snorted the first line and sniffing, flopped back on the couch and pointed toward the rest of it sitting there waiting for me.
"Your turn."
Leaning forward, I looked down at the white powder that had given me so many nights of good times. Clean since the crash, I hadn't even thought of getting high, but now as it sat there waiting to give me the relief it always had, I could think of nothing but the feeling I'd have in just a few minutes.
Blocking my left nostril, I inhaled a line and closed my eyes. A rush coursed through my head and instantly I remembered why I loved coke all those years ago. In minutes, I was on top of the world—powerful, free, and happy. Truly happy, like the way I felt every time Nina told me she loved me.
One more line and everything that had tortured my mind for weeks was gone, replaced by pure bliss. My heart raced and my body felt like it could run a marathon. Brandi was a novice, so it didn't take more than a line for her to be bouncing off the walls. She seemed to be talking a hundred miles a minute about how she wished Chase was like me, but I wasn't listening. I didn't care about her problems.
All I cared about was that mine had vanished, at least for the moment.
Brandi's hand fastened on my crotch, and she licked her lips in an attempt to be seductive. "Tell me you don't love fucking when you're high, Tristan. Nobody would have to know. You know it would be great."
I didn't want to fuck Brandi. That would only make me feel worse. I had someone I loved already. It didn't matter that I couldn't be with her. I still loved her.
"Get your hand off your boss's cock, Brandi. If Chase doesn't fire you, I will. You're ruining this."
She wasn't going to be that easily convinced. Sliding her palm up and down my zipper, she cooed, "You're not my boss, Tristan. You only own the place. I guess that makes you my owner. Oooh, I like that."
"You know he's got cameras all over this place. Look around. At least smile for your boyfriend as you try to fuck someone else in front of him," I snapped, already hating how this was turning out.
Brandi rubbed her body up against my arm like a cat in heat. "Mmmm, that would be hot. Come on, baby. It will help you forget whatever's making you so sad."
Her lips pressed against mine, and all I could taste was the flavor of her spearmint gum. She jabbed her tongue into my mouth as her hands attempted to pull my shirt out of my pants, but I didn't want any of what she had to offer. I pushed her off me, and she fell back against the arm of the couch, her legs wide open.
"You know you want it, Tristan. Just let it happen. Don't fight it."
The door flung open before I could repeat that I didn't want her, but it was too late. There in the doorway stood Nina watching Brandi rub her pussy through her shorts as she did her best to convince me to fuck her.
"What the fuck is this?" Nina asked, her voice full of hurt.
Brandi leaped off the couch and began explaining how she had just wanted to help me feel better. It only made things worse and made me look guiltier.
Nina turned to face her and put her hand up in front of Brandi's face. "I so don't want to hear another fucking word from your mouth. Get the fuck away from me right now before I totally lose my cool."
Brandi was cheap, but she wasn't stupid. Nina had barely finished speaking and she was running from the room, nearly getting her four inch heels stuck in the door as she slammed it shut behind her.
"Tristan, what is this? Why haven't you been home in two days? What's going on here?" Nina rightfully demanded to know.
I leaned forward to pour myself another drink. "Nina, go home." I couldn't explain to her why I was sitting there with a woman I didn't give a damn about instead of lying in bed with the woman I loved more than anyone or anything in this world.
She wasn't going home, though. That wasn't her style. My mind was still racing as she sat down next to me, but my high was quickly fading, leaving the reality of what I had to do pressing down on me like a weight on my chest.
"I'm not going home. I know we've been dealing with some things, but I can't believe you're just planning on never coming home again. Have you been here every night?"
I looked away, unable to face her when I saw the tears in her eyes. First, I'd been a selfish prick and fallen in love with her, all the while telling myself I'd been keeping her safe. Now, I had to tell her the truth. It didn't matter if she left anymore. Whatever I'd thought I could give her was over now.