“Well, I don’t give a shit,” I say as I walk past him and back toward the living room. “In fact, do me a favor and …” I pause, thinking about what Sienna begged me not to do. “Well, just try to keep her on her side of the fence for a while. Don’t tell her I said that, just—”
“I got you,” Seth cuts in. “Don’t worry about it. But you know she’s going to throw a bitch-fit if you back out again.”
I slam the palm of my hand against the wall at the end of the hall and whirl around at Seth, my breathing deep and uneven, my jaw rigid. “I’m not going to back out!” I roar, the memory of my fatal decision to back out of China filling my head, but I calm myself fast when I realize what I’m doing.
A long, deep breath settles in my chest and I hold my eyes closed for a tense moment until I let the breath out and the anger along with it.
“I’m sorry, man,” I tell him, my voice coming out calmer.
“Nah, don’t be,” he says in a nonchalant voice. “I understand. You know that. And I wasn’t talking about Norway. I just meant—”
“I know, Seth. I know what you meant. I just … reacted.”
He pauses, letting me gather myself the rest of the way.
“So it’s a no-go next week then?” he asks.
I shake my head and plop down on a kitchen chair, sprawling my mud-crusted legs out before me. “No, I’m not going to do anything without Sienna. I want to spend all of my time with her while she’s here. After that, things will be back to normal.”
Seth remains silent, though I’m pretty sure of what he’s thinking because it’s all over his face. He knows I’m not looking forward to when Sienna leaves and things get back to normal. But it is what it is.
“Luke, man,” Seth says, looking at me with a concerned face, which is rare for Seth. “Look, you know that getting into your shit isn’t usually my thing, but you’re my best friend and I’d be lyin’ if I said I haven’t been worried about you since Landon died.”
“I know you have and I appreciate it, Seth, but I’m fine.”
“I’m not so sure you are, bro.” He cocks his head to one side. “It’s not just about you hangin’ back a lot when the rest of us go out doin’ stuff, but even when it comes to jumping, when you do go with us, it kinda seems like you’re—”
He stops and looks behind me instead of at me anymore.
“Like I’m what?” I ask, wary.
His big shoulders rise and fall with a heavy breath of preparedness.
He reaches up and scratches the back of his shaved head and says after a long hesitation, “I dunno. It just seems like you don’t enjoy it anymore, like maybe you’re doing it out of obligation—sorry man, I’m not tryin’ to—”
I put up my hand.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say with forgiveness. “Like I said, I appreciate your concern, but I really am fine. And yeah, I can see why you’d think I don’t enjoy jumping as much, but I’ve just had a lot on my mind, that’s all.”
Seth nods, leaving it alone.
“Maybe you can talk Sienna into staying.” He changes the subject with a small, suggestive smile.
“Maybe so,” I say, wincing as I pick small clumps of dried mud from my leg hairs, “but somehow I don’t think she can.”
“She may surprise you,” Seth says. “You’ll never know unless you say something. Shit, man, try it out—imagine how liberating it’ll feel!”
I don’t share his positive outlook, or his enthusiasm, and I find it odd that he’s actually advocating a relationship outside of sex with Sienna, seeing as how he’s so anti-relationship himself and just moments ago he was telling me to be careful.
“All right.” Seth gives up. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”
“Thanks.”
A moment later I ask, “So what’s goin’ on with you and Kendra?”
His dark eyebrows harden. “Nothin’. Why do you ask?”
I shake my head with disbelief and look away, not putting too much effort in hiding my knowing smile. Seth should be used to it by now—I’ve been on him for a couple weeks about his secret feelings for Kendra, and he’s been denying them ever since.
“Gotta get off my back about her,” he says, but he can’t look me in the eyes. “She’s too wild. I like my women sweet and tame.”
I scoff. “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.”
“Whatever, man,” he says, and then glances down the hallway as if to make sure Sienna isn’t in earshot. He turns back to me with a suggestive grin. “So have you banged her yet?”
“Get the fuck outta here, Seth.” I can’t help but laugh a little—he can always get one out of me if he tries hard enough.
Seth crumples his nose up tightly, his top row of white teeth pressing over the top of his bottom lip, and he pumps his fist in front of him. “Fuckin’ score!” He laughs himself all the way out the front door.
It wouldn’t have mattered if I told him nothing had happened between me and Sienna beyond kissing, as he wouldn’t have believed it anyway.
Sienna
An angry rumble of thunder and the heavy pounding of rain battering the roof wakes me early the following morning. Shuffling the sheet from my head, I open my eyes slowly to the dim gray light of dawn blanketed by clouds. More thunder rolls amid the sky; I can hear the distinctive sound of waves crashing against the shore through the open screened window above the bed.