“Jake...I love you, too.” It was that simple. And in that moment, very clear.
Our hands worked feverishly then, pulling at buttons and zippers, clothes dropping to the floor. I looked down, watching Jake’s hands as they squeezed my br**sts, sending waves of heat that coalesced deep inside me, a resounding thump of arousal making me gasp with pleasure.
“Oh, Jake...I’ve missed this.”
“I’ve missed this, too...and you, Abby. It’s been so hard without you.” His mouth came down on mine again, all of our pent up longing expressed in that kiss.
His body was pressed against mine, his erection against my stomach, hard and insistent. I wrapped my fingers around him, stroking him slowly as he thrust his h*ps forward against my hand. I felt him moan against my mouth, the sound full of the longing I felt as well.
We moved together to the bed, not letting go of each other. I felt the mattress against the backs of my legs, Jake wrapping an arm around my back as he lowered me gently to the bed.
There was no hesitation between us then. We moved together as one, our bodies melding, swirling together, exploring each other as if for the first time, reveling in what seemed like uncharted territory.
Finally Jake entered me, filling me completely, sliding himself gently into my body. I accepted him the same way, letting our bodies learn again what this coming together felt like.
He held himself still inside me, both of us savoring the pleasure of just being together, of being connected again. I watched his face, felt the emotion flowing between us, his eyes mirrors of mine.
Jake began moving, slowly, the delicious friction of him sliding against of me building to a rapid crescendo. We were locked together, riding out the waves of passion and pleasure that coursed through our bodies, coming together, sharing the experience until the very end.
He held me then, wrapped in his arms, against his chest. I fell deeply asleep listening to Jake breathing, to the sound of his heartbeat, secure and safe.
I woke sometime during the night. Jake was turned away from me, clutching a pillow to his chest. I watched him sleep, the light from the moon casting silver shadows over his face.
Curled against his back, I felt the gentle movement of his body in sleep. I slipped my arm around his chest, sliding it beneath the pillow. In his sleep, he pushed the pillow away, holding my hand, murmuring something that sounded like my name.
I drifted back to sleep, wondering what I’d just done. I loved Jake. But was that enough.
I’d come back from a long-overdue trip to the store late Saturday afternoon, laden with cat food and treats for the Big Guy to try to quell the guilt I felt for ignoring the cat, to find a message from Chase on my answering machine. He wanted to know how I was...and, as usual, where I was...and would I call him.
I thought about it for a long time. My skin still tingled from being with Jake, the memory of his body against mine. My body’s response.
But there were things I needed to know from Chase, questions I wanted answered. I felt like I was going into battle. And I didn’t like that feeling.
The phone rang several times before a breathless Chase answered.
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Hell no, you could never catch me at a bad time. Just got out of the shower. I’m nak*d, dripping water all over the bedroom floor.”
In spite of myself, I pictured Chase sans clothes, his skin glistening, hair damp. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and tried unsuccessfully to banish the image from my mind.
“I got your message.” My voice sounded breathy.
“I want to see you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me. I’m trying to give you space here.” His voice was low, that honeyed voice that did things to me.
“But I miss you, Abby. I miss you very much.”
“I know.”
There was a pause and when Chase spoke his voice had a different tone. There was an edge to it...the one that I’d come to realize meant that he was angry.
“Stacy said you and she had a little meeting. She wouldn’t tell me what you talked about, said she wasn’t playing middle man in my affairs.” He made a sound that could have been a laugh or sound of disgust.
“I’d like to know what you talked about, if it concerns you and me.” His voice was tense.
“I want to see you, Chase. When?” My voice was choked with emotion. I missed Chase, his warm smile, his arms around me. I closed my eyes again, overcome with longing, and the confusion that seemed a perpetual part of my life now.
“You can come to the condo right now. Stacy can handle the club tonight. You’re more important to me at this point. You know that.”
On the drive to Chase’s condo I tried to get my emotions under control. I knew, if he touched me, all I’d want to do would be to fall into that abyss with him, to try to forget the confusion in my head and the pain in my heart by the sheer physical intensity of sex with Chase.
Spending the night with Jake may have been a mistake. I lost all objectivity, again, my emotions tangled...cloudy...when sex got involved. It was so easy to forget one when I was with the other. Each of them drew me, each in such vastly different ways, both with a force I found hard to resist.
But I’m not cut out for this kind of emotional tug of war. And neither man was willing to share me. Something had to change; I had to make a decision.
Because deep down I knew neither would wait forever for me to make my choice.
But I needed to see Chase, if for no other reason than to see him one last time. I owed him that much.
Chase met me at the door, dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt, his hair still damp. I longed to run my fingers through his hair, feel his arms around me. He reached for me, but I moved away.
“No, Chase. Not yet.”
“Why? Can’t I even kiss you?” He frowned at me.
“What the hell, Abby? Am I suddenly a pariah?” He turned away, running his hands through his hair. He strode across the living room, pacing in front of the windows, the lights of the city spread out behind him.
I followed him hesitantly, aching for his touch. Instead, I sat on one of the big cream sofas.
“Chase, please. Sit with me. I want to talk.”
He stood for a moment, facing the windows before sitting down next to me. He blew out a breath, turning to face me.
“So it’s like this now? We’re going to have a civilized conversation, you’re going to tell me we’re through but we can still be friends?”
“Yes...I mean, no. Yes, we’re going to have a civilized conversation; no, I didn’t come here to tell you we’re through.” I shook my head. Did I come here to tell him that?
“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I want to ask you a question and I want an honest answer.”
Chase raised an eyebrow. “I’ve been honest with you. Ask anything you want; I’ve got nothing left to hide.”
I took a deep breath. “Have you been seeing other women while you were with me? I mean, after the first time at the club?”
Chase’s mouth was a thin, tight line. I knew he was angry but there was no stopping me now.
“Stacy said you’d have a different woman at the club every night.”
“It’s interesting what Stacy decides to say these days.” He passed a hand over his eyes.
“Yes, Abby. There have been other women. There were others after you came to the club with Jake, after you came back by yourself...there have been a lot of women.”
His eyes were intense, focused on mine. “But not since the weekend we went to Paradise Ranch...not since the night I told you I wanted you with me.”
He spread his hands on his thighs. “You think I’ve been cheating on you? Is that where this is headed?”
“I don’t know, Chase. I’m trying to find answers. I’m so confused. And it’s hard.”
I took a deep breath. “You didn’t think I should know? Or you just didn’t want to tell me?”
His sudden laughter caught me off guard. “Abby, I’m trying real hard to be patient here. But considering the situation, you’re going to cross a line with me.”
Chase stood, pacing again. “You were seeing Jake while you were seeing me, remember? I don’t think there’s really any difference in our situations, do you?”
I frowned up at him, a tiny flame of anger blossoming in my chest. “Yes, I do. I wasn’t in a relationship with Jake, he is...was...my Dom. You knew that. And that’s different. But you called me ...just like you’d have called any other woman who caught your eye at the club. Isn’t that how it happens?”
He shook his head. “Don’t attribute thoughts to me that I didn’t have. Don’t think for me, Abby, ever.
“I called you for one reason. I was...fascinated...obsessed, I guess, with you, from the moment I saw you. And what happened between us during that session at the club, well, if it was intense for you, think what it was like for me.”
I frowned. Chase had told me in great detail how intense it had been for him, binding me in the soft white ropes, tying the intricate knots, how much he had enjoyed that part of our session. But he’d never told me anything beyond that, about how the session ended, about hav**g s*x. And that night, I had been so focused on Jake after the session, and so exhausted, I hadn’t registered anything else.
He stopped pacing, standing in front of me. I looked up at him, saw he was breathing hard.
“Abby, do you know what it was like, being there with you, knowing that I was the one who made it possible for you to experience all that? I don’t say that to brag, but I do say it as the humble guy who seemed to get it all right for you, to send you someplace I wished I could have followed. As a Dom, it was the most intense session I’d ever had. It’s what that type of relationship is all about...giving someone so much in return for what they give me.”
Chase crouched down in from of me, taking my hands.
“As a man, experiencing that with a beautiful woman...with you, Abby, it was beyond description. From that moment, I knew I wanted you.”
He looked down at his big hands holding mine. There was a moment of hesitation and then he let go, standing, his long legs striding across the room again. Pacing like a caged animal.
“And it only got worse...or better...or more intense, I guess, the more I saw you. And truth be told, it scared the hell out of me. Still does.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“It’s like Mandy, all over again. Only ten times worse.”
Chase finally stopped in front of the window, looking down on the city below him. There was a long pause; his voice was low when he spoke.
“My first reaction, when things scare me...things I can’t control, like my feelings...is to either drink myself stupid, or find a woman. I’m past the drinking, for the most part. But the women...well, they’re harder to give up.”
He turned back, watching me a moment before coming to sit next to me on the couch.
“There have been women, Abby. I slept with them. Do I regret it? Yeah, I do. I’m not proud of how I acted. And I regret not telling you.”
We sat for a moment, before Chase turned to me. There was a look on his face, something I’d never seen before. Doubt, maybe? In himself, or me, I couldn’t tell.