She hadn’t thought of it that way before and she didn’t know what to make of the notion now. Her confessions had churned up the loss for her, the retelling of it bringing to mind those dark hours when the blood loss started, then being in the hospital alone. The grief when the doctor told her the baby’s heartbeat had stopped. The teeth-chattering cold after her D and C.
Would having her sister there have made the pain go away? Right now, with the memories fresh in her mind, she couldn’t think of anything that would ease the loss for her.
And oh God, why hadn’t she given more thought to how this would hurt Jonah? She forced herself to look in his eyes and confront the pain—and yes, the anger—she found there. “I should have told you then.”
“Damn straight, you should have,” he snapped, the anger seeping into his voice as well. “But you didn’t. Because that would involve me being a part of your life and your family when it’s easier to hide in your library with your books.”
She gasped at the stab of his words. “You’re being cruel.”
“I’m being realistic for the first time, Eloisa.” He paced the small stone patio restlessly, the frustration in his tone building with every step. “You talk about wanting a future together but you’ve been keeping this from me the whole time, even when we made love.”
“I’m telling you the truth now. Just five minutes ago you said nothing could break us apart.”
“Would you have told me if you weren’t afraid I would find out anyway, now that all your secrets are coming out?” He pivoted back sharply to face her, the moonlight casting harsh shadows down his angry face. “When have you ever willingly let me into your life?”
She couldn’t think of an answer. He’d led their relationship every step of the way.
He started toward her again. “All this time I’ve been wondering if you can trust me, and now I don’t know if I can trust you. I don’t know if I can be with you, always wondering when you’re going to run again.” He stopped pacing abruptly and plowed his hand through his hair. “This is too much. I can’t wrap my brain around it. I need air.”
He jammed his hands into his pockets again as if he couldn’t even bear to touch her and left. The front door closed quietly but firmly behind him.
The first tear slipped free and pulled the plug out of the dam for the rest to come flooding down. Barely able to see, she walked back into her town house.
For the past year, she’d been immersed in her own pain and fears, never once thinking about how much she must have hurt Jonah when she’d left him. Now, standing alone with the echo of that lone door click in her ears, in her soul, she realized just how fully she’d screwed up in leaving him.
She was totally alone for the first time in her life. Harry was upset she hadn’t persuaded Audrey to stay. Audrey was off enjoying marital bliss. And Jonah had left her. She had nowhere to turn.
Eloisa stood in the middle of her empty town house that had once felt like a haven and now seemed so very barren. She searched for something, any piece of comfort. Her fingers trailed over the glass paperweight, the one she’d made from shells and a dried flower, memorializing her baby’s too-brief life. What would it have been like to share that grief with Jonah?
And now because of how she’d handled things, he was suffering the loss alone as well.
She gripped the cool paperweight in her hand—and revealed a plain white card with ten typed numbers, Duarte’s number.
Perhaps there was at least one thing she could fix in her messed-up life after all. Perhaps she might as well make someone happy.
Jonah was going to get seriously trashed if his brothers didn’t stop pouring drinks for him. But then that’s why he’d come home to Hilton Head to be with his family.
Sitting on the balcony at the Landis beachside compound, he nudged away the latest shot glass on the iron outdoor table. He was still reeling from Eloisa’s revelation about getting pregnant and losing their baby. Never once bothering to contact him about something so monumental.
Anger still chewed at his gut, along with grief for the child that could have been. And having a child with Eloisa? Even the possibility had his hands shaking so hard he couldn’t have picked up the shot glass even if he’d wanted.
As much as he regretted not knowing about the life that had begun inside her a year ago, the knowledge of what happened made him realize the importance of getting things right with Eloisa this time. If birth control had failed a year ago, then it could fail again. He would not risk being on the other side of an ocean if Eloisa carried his child.
After their fight, he’d driven along the beach for about an hour until he’d calmed down enough to talk to her again. He hadn’t known what he would say or how they could work through it. His ability to trust her had taken a serious blow. But he was willing to try.
Except once he returned to her town house, he found she’d already left. Her car was gone. Her suitcase was gone. Eloisa had run away again. Jonah had hopped the first plane to the only place he could think of to go. Home to hang out with his brothers.
Sebastian clanked down his crystal glass, the ocean wind kicking in off the waves. The surf crashed. Sailboat lines pinged against the double mast of the family yacht. “You have to figure out what speaks to her.”
Frowning, Kyle leaned toward his brother with an almost imperceptible sway. “Marianna made you go to some kind of woo-woo, Zen-like couples retreat, didn’t she?”
Sebastian reached for the bottle of vintage bourbon in the middle of the table. “What makes you say that?”
“‘Figure out what speaks to her,’” Kyle mimicked in a spacey-sounding voice before laughing. “Really, dude, who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
Matthew clapped Kyle on the shoulder, the salty breeze filling their shirts, hinting at an incoming storm. “Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. There’s something to be said for learning to speak their language on occasion. The benefits are amazing.”
Sebastian smiled knowingly.
Jonah turned the glass around and around on the table, a tic starting in the corner of his eye. He wondered for the first time how all his Neanderthal brothers had managed to find great women. What did they know that he didn’t? What was he missing?
Hunger for making things work with Eloisa compelled him to flat-out ask. He sure as hell wasn’t making headway alone. “You’re going to have to ‘speak’ to me in regular-guy English if you expect me to understand.”
Sebastian’s face took on the lawyer look he assumed right before rolling out his best case. Of course the look was a little deflated by his cockeyed tie. “Okay, standard red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates are all well and good, and certainly better than not doing anything. But if you can think of something personal, something that says you know her…you’ll be golden.”
Kyle scratched the back of his head, his hair still worn short even after he’d finished his military commitment. “They really like to know we’re thinking about them when they’re not around.”
Jonah eyed his brothers in disbelief. God, they were making his head hurt worse rather than helping. “Do you all get a group discount for the couples retreat?”
“Bro, make fun all you want,” Matthew said. “You can have our advice or flounder around on your own.”
“It’s actually not that complicated,” Sebastian explained. “Marianna adores our dogs.” They both were nuts over their two mutts, Buddy and Holly. “One Valentine’s Day, I bought Coach collars and leashes for the dogs, along with a donation to the local Humane Society.”
Kyle jabbed a finger in his direction. “Remember when I got the laptop computer for Phoebe? Her squeal of excitement just about rattled every window.”
Hearing how his brothers hit just the perfect note to make their wives happy offered up a special torture for him now that Eloisa had damn near ripped his heart out. “You had me tuck the wrapped computer where she would see it while you took her on a date.”
Kyle smiled, his eyes taking on a distant air. “A late-night drive in a vintage Aston Martin convertible.”
“Wow!” Matthew whistled low. “Nice move.”
“Thanks.” Kyle refilled his glass. “I’ll give you the name of the guy who hooked me up. Now back to the computer.” He turned toward Jonah, porch lights the only illumination, with the clouds covering the stars. “Phoebe was stretched too thin teaching her online classes and caring for the baby. I offered to take time off from work to watch Nina, even offered more nanny time, but she wasn’t budging. The laptop gave her a way of working from anywhere.”
His brother had done a damn fine job at blending two diverse lifestyles. Kyle and Phoebe might well have some good advice for Eloisa…if he hadn’t walked out on her. If she hadn’t followed up by walking out on him again as well.
It downright sucked being around these guys who practically oozed satisfaction and marital bliss.
Matthew snagged the bottle from his brother. “Extravagant is cool, too, you’ve just got to mix it up some with the practical.”
Clinking the ice, Kyle lifted his glass for a refill. “What’s Ashley’s extravagance?”
Matthew’s mouth twitched with a hint of a smile. “Don’t think I can share that with you, my brother.”
“Hey.” Kyle raised his hands. “Fair enough.”
The sound of a throat clearing reverberated behind them. They all four twisted in their seats.
Their mother’s second husband—General Hank Renshaw—stood in the open French doors. His distinguished military bearing was still visible even after his retirement. His hair might be solid gray now, but he had a sharp brain that made him a major player in the national defense arena. “Hope you boys have saved at least one drink of my best alcohol for me.”
“Yes, sir.” Kyle snagged another glass from the tray they’d brought out with them and passed their stepfather—a lifetime family friend as well—a drink. “Maybe you can help Jonah here figure out how to get his wife back.”
“Hmmm…” The General tipped back his glass with only a slight wince and dragged a chair over to the table. “Well, your mother likes it when I—”
“Whoa! Whoa! Hold on there a minute, General.” The protests of all four brothers tumbled over each other.
Jonah agreed one hundred percent on that staying a secret. “That’s our mom you’re talking about. While I appreciate the offer to help, there are just some things a son doesn’t need to know.”
Matthew drained his glass. “The time we walked in on the two of you damn near gave me a heart attack.”
“Okay, okay.” The General chuckled lowly. “I get the picture.” His laughter faded and he jabbed a thumb toward the door. “Now how about you three take the bottle and clear out so I can talk to Jonah?”
Chairs scraped back and his brothers abandoned ship. The slugging and laughs faded in the hall and up the stairs.