"And there is beer and wine at the zoo. Allie and I already bought your ticket. We had such a great time last year when we went, remember? Come on, animals and alcohol? What could be more fun?" I could tell she wasn't going to take no for an answer. Remembering the good time we had dancing to live music and getting free wine samples at the adults only event last year made me smile.
"All right. I'll get dressed and we can go."
"Sweet! We'll come pick you up!" I could hear her grin through the phone. It was hard not to smile back when I thought of how big her smile could be. When I set down the phone, I felt optimistic for the first time all day.
The zoo grounds were hot and humid. It had rained early in the morning, but the sun came out around noon and instead of drying up the water, had just turned the outdoors into a sauna. It wasn't quite to summer levels of heat, but it bordered on uncomfortable. Even the animals looked just a little too warm as we wandered around the zoo, sipping on our plastic cups of wine from the local winery.
I told my two best friends the sterile version of what happened. I had practiced it in the mirror, so I could say it without crying. I had left Dubai because the sheik's son had tried to assault me. Owen and I were broken up. It just wasn't working out. Both women nodded sympathetically, keeping quiet until I changed the subject.
We wandered aimlessly, following the crowd, until we came to an animal enclosure. Adults were playing with the child-sized plastic peep hole, popping their heads up into a bubble in the middle of a prairie dog town.
"I still can't believe you Iowa folks think this counts as a zoo exhibit," Marissa said shaking her head as she peered into the prairie dog exhibit. "Seriously, back home, those things are freaking everywhere."
"Yeah, yeah, Ms. New Mexico, but they aren't here. At least I've never seen them," Allie replied. It was a zoo tradition for the three of us to stand here and say these lines. It was comforting to hear them sound exactly the same, like nothing had ever changed.
"It would be like having an exhibit on geese. I'm just tickled pink that you Iowans put them in a zoo." Marissa leaned against the glass as we watched the little rodents scamper in and out of their holes, their high-pitched chirps almost making a song.
"I think I'd like an exhibit of geese," I said as I drank my wine.
"You would," Allie said, shaking her head. I grinned at her. She knew how much I loved walking the river in the spring and looking for baby goslings. It was something I looked forward to every year.
"Let's go look at the tiger. That's at least a real animal." Marissa shooed us away from the exhibit, pretending not to glance behind her as we left. Marissa had moved out to Iowa five years ago from New Mexico after a bad breakup, but she still considered New Mexico her home. I knew the prairie dogs were actually her favorite animals here, but that she would never admit it in public.
We dutifully walked toward the tiger enclosure, laughing as we joined a couple watching the tiger. In the big cat's pool, someone had placed what looked like an empty beer keg. The tiger was having the time of his life playing with the giant floating toy. I could see puncture marks through the metal and was glad he was on the other side of the glass.
The tiger crawled out of the water, then turned around and pounced on the floating keg. The keg, of course, bobbed and dunked him into the water with a delightful splash. The tiger popped to the surface a moment later with a look of surprise on his face.
"Aw look, the big kitty made Kaylee smile," Marissa said in a baby voice before she laughed and put her arm around me. I almost punched her, but I knew she was only trying to help me have a good time. The tiger had gotten a hold of the rim of the barrel and was pulling it out of the water, playing with the steel drum like a kitten with a new toy.
"I think he's adorable. You know I've always liked cats," I said nonchalantly. Allie grinned at me. I finished the last of my wine, glad for a moment to feel normal. This was how my life was supposed to be. I loved spending time with my friends, visiting the zoo, and having a good time. For a short minute, I was able to forget that my heart was broken and for that, I loved my friends even more.
"Well, I'm out of wine," I stated, staring into my empty cup. Marissa raised her eyebrows, and Allie shook her head when I didn't move to do anything about it.
"So, go get more. That's the beauty of Zoo Brew. I don't think they've run out of alcohol yet." Marissa pretended to check her watch, making me laugh a little.
"Alright, you two want seconds?"
Allie and Marissa both held out their empty glasses, their eyes back on the tiger.
"Hey! I am not your waitress! This is a self-serve kind of a place ladies," I chastised. They both fell over in a fit of giggles at their supposed cleverness. I shook my head at them, glad to have them in my life. This day was actually becoming enjoyable because of them.
Marissa hooked her arm around mine, and Allie repeated the motion on the other side. "We're off to see the Wizard..." Marissa began to sing, her voice horribly off key.
"Tiger here can be the Cowardly Lion," Allie said, blowing the tiger a kiss as we began walking back toward the wine tent. "I want to be Dorothy. Marissa, you're the Scarecrow."
"Why am I the Scarecrow?" Marissa pouted.
"Because you got no brain, sweetie," Allie said matter-of-factly. I snickered as we turned the bend, walking directly toward the penguin enclosure. My heart stopped as one of the little birds waddled out and dove into the cool water.
"What about Kaylee?" Marissa asked, oblivious to the fact that I had stopped walking and was staring at the black and white birds.
"She's the Tin Man," Allie said softly, following my gaze and understanding immediately, "because she's lost her heart."
Owen tossed a small sardine to one of the penguins, the little bird catching it in it's mouth. Two more hurried up to him, all begging and splashing for the fishy treats. Owen chuckled and handed me the bucket of stinky fish. His eyes were bright with amusement as he watched as the penguins waddle over like I was their new king. He laughed, one of the black and white birds deciding my boot looked like a tasty treat and pecking at it voraciously. They piled on top of one another, their funny bodies wiggling as they asked for more. Owen smiled at me like this was the best day of his life.
My lower lip started to tremble, and tears gathered at the back of my eyes. I could practically see him there, laughing in delight at the funny, flightless birds. They were his favorite animal. A single tear broke through the dam, and suddenly I had buckets of tears pouring down my face. The crack in my heart had finally broken wide, and there was no pretending it was fine now.
Allie and Marissa exchanged a quick glance before practically dragging me off to a park bench hidden behind some trees where we wouldn't be bothered. I couldn't see the penguins anymore, but it didn't matter. The damage was done.
"What have I done? I've lost him," I sobbed into Allie's shoulder. She tucked her chin against my head, holding me to her like a small child as she smoothed my hair. "I should have stayed. I could have stayed and been okay."
"No, honey, you couldn't have." Marissa removed me from Allie's shoulder long enough to make me look at her. "You did the right thing. You couldn't have stayed there."
"But...but.." I couldn't find the words. My nose was running, and I couldn't breathe for crying. Marissa waited until I was calmer before she continued being my voice of reason.
"Kaylee, you did the right thing. You weren't meant to be a part of that desert world. And that's okay. You belong here." She handed me a napkin so I could blow my nose.
"But I love him. I really do."
"I know. Sometimes a fish and a bird fall in love, but that doesn't mean they are going to build a nest and have little fish-bird babies," Marissa said softly. Allie snorted at Marissa's bad analogy, and Marissa gave her a dirty look. "You know what I mean."
A strand of hair fell across my face and Marissa gently tucked it behind my ear with a soft smile. "What's important is that you were happy. I know the 'tis better to have loved and lost' thing is cliché, but it's still true. I know it hurts right now, but it's going to be okay."
I looked at her, tears still streaming down my face. I felt so lost, even with my friends on either side of me. Marissa sighed. "I can throw some more cliches at you if it will help you feel better."
I knew she was hoping to get a smile out of me, but I couldn't find one to give. Allie gave me a squeeze.
"It sucks right now. And it's gonna suck for a while. It will get better though. You'll get your happy ending someday, I promise." Allie gave me a hug. I knew they were trying their best, but there were no magic words that could fill the hole in my heart. I wished to heaven there were, but I knew it was just going to take time.
"I'm going to go get you some more wine. I think you can use some drunk time," Marissa said, putting a hand on my shoulder as she stood. She gave me a squeeze and headed off in the direction of the wine tent. I leaned my head back against Allie's shoulder, her blonde hair mixing with mine.
"After this, we'll head back to my place and drink crappy wine, watch crappy movies, and eat good ice cream. Okay?" Allie kept smoothing my hair with her hands, and I closed my eyes to her soothing touch.
"No skimping on the ice cream."
I felt her smile as she looked down at me. "I would never even dream of such a thing."
I sat up, remembering all the cleaning and baking I had done. There was no way I was going to eat all those cookies myself. "How about we do it at my place? It's actually clean for once."
Allie nodded and let me put my head back on her shoulder. She resumed gently stroking my hair as she whispered, "Sure, Kaylee, anything you want."
Chapter 21
My head buzzed as I sat up, the room unfamiliar. Slowly, I realized I had fallen asleep on the floor in front of the TV. The menu of a DVD was on loop, the instrumental song starting over every twenty seconds. I hit the power button, the pain in my head decreasing as the annoying song went away.
I glanced at my watch, glad to see it was a little past ten instead of hours before dawn. Maybe my jet lag was finally wearing off. Marissa was snoring peacefully on the couch, the slight wheeze and chuckle rather endearing. I looked around for Allie, finally finding her curled up in the papasan chair, a blanket draped over her head. I smiled at my friends, then frowned as I looked around at the mess they had made.
Pizza boxes littered the floor, empty beer cans hiding among them. Three empty wine glasses sat on the coffee table, a row of shot glasses lined up neatly beside them. How the shot glasses got there was a complete mystery to me, but I was sure I would hear about it once the girls woke up.
I picked up the pizza boxes, stacking them in a pile by the door. I went to my room and threw on the first pants I found, and a light blue shirt. I stepped outside, humidity hitting me in the face like a wet towel. I was glad I had good air conditioning in my apartment. It was already hot and muggy, the sky threatening to burst at any time.
Back inside, Allie and Marissa were up and putting the glasses in the dishwasher, moving slowly but nonetheless getting things done. Allie gave me a big grin as I came back inside, then she grabbed her stomach and looked a little green. Marissa laughed at her, but the motion made her grab her bright red hair and grimace.