His jaw clenched, muscles straining around his shadowed jaw. “Don’t, Emma. Don’t psychoanalyze me.”
“I’m not trying to do that.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
“I’m trying to know who my boyfriend really is. I want to know what you’re capable of doing. How far are you willing to go to get your way?”
How far do I have to fall with you? And how do I know you just won’t leave me behind?
Gabriel sighed. His shoulders relaxed, loosening the tension that wound him tight. “I won’t let Embry use our past against us, Emma. She’s already done so much damage. Every time I think about how close I came to losing you because of her…”
“What will you do then?” I asked softly.
“Her family conglomerate works with mine. Even if she wanted to risk our business association, her father would never let her. The needs of the many will definitely outweigh the needs of the one—no matter how beloved. I seriously doubt Embry would even risk it knowing the position her father would take.”
The idea of a father putting wealth and connections above his daughter made me sad even though I wasn’t surprised. “Money first?”
“Always.”
I nodded, familiar in theory with how his set always ran. Money above people, places, and things unless those people, places, and things served even more money.
“So that’s what you meant about consequences?”
“Of course.”
“I see.” I inhaled deeply, praying I hadn’t completely ruined us by doubting him. “I apologize for suspecting you of worse.”
“Do you really?”
“Yes.”
“Truly?”
“Yes, Gabriel.”
“There are no more ideas lurking inside that clever mind painting me as some kind of Bluebeard or Jack the Ripper type?”
I shook my head. “No. I swear!”
“Apology accepted then. Lucky for you, I’m a forgiving soul. That and I want you like the devil.” Gabriel’s hand slid towards mine, but he didn’t try to link our fingers together. “What else, Emma?”
“Maybe we’ve talked too much tonight, Gabriel,” I murmured, hedging at continuing any further.
“No. We need to get it out now.”
There was so much, especially why hadn’t he done more to me when we made love earlier. I couldn’t broach that yet. Not when there were other important things to get through.
“Okay, then…but you’re not going to want to hear it.”
“Try me.”
“I want you to call off the people following me.”
Gabriel’s answer came quick as a serpent’s bite and just as final. “I can’t do that.”
“What you mean is you won’t.”
“Fine then. I won’t.”
I bit back my initial urge to groan in frustration. Instead I moved my position on the bed until we faced each other. “That’s unacceptable, Gabriel.”
“Emma, I’m not having you followed because I see you as my possession.”
“Really?” My skeptical lift of brow didn’t do much to nullify the disbelief in my tone.
“Really. I can’t take a chance with your safety, Emma. Being with me automatically makes you a target.”
“From who?”
“Take your pick. Kidnappers, disgruntled ex-employees, terrorists, anyone looking for an easy score—they all exist, Emma.”
That wasn’t something I considered. At all. “And you do this with everyone?”
Gabriel uttered his answer with delicacy. “Anyone who I’ve been serious with.”
Damnit! I hated the surge of jealousy that burned my heart at those words. I kept it a point to breath evenly, to not let my weakness overcome my better judgment more than it already had.
“And did they have a problem with being followed all the time or is it just me?”
“They didn’t have an issue with it.”
“Why not?” I shot back, my plan to keep cool blown to hell. “Was it because you loved them so, so much?”
“I never loved anyone but you.” My mouth snapped close. Gabriel gave me an evil grin. “Shut you right up, didn’t it? Now to answer your question, it’s because they understood security, in one way or another. It’s safety, Emma. Not spying.”
“So you never followed up on where your girlfriends went?”
“I didn’t have to. I trusted them.”
His beautifully blue gaze was clear of guile. I believed I understood the meaning lying beneath the surface of his words. “Because you knew they could never hurt you because you didn’t really love them?”
“That’s right.”
“I see.” I looked down at my lap. My furrowed as I sifted through those two words.
“I don’t think you do, Emma.”
“You’re right. I don’t.”
“Emma, I want this to work more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I know I’m asking more than what’s fair by it being this way, but I can’t take a chance with your safety.”
Feeling fidgety, I ran a hand through my hair. “You’re not going to budge on this?”
“I can’t.”
“I get it.” I just hoped I didn’t regret caving. “Okay then. We need to make it fair.”
“Fair how?”
“You have me followed so I want a team to follow you. And they report solely to me despite being on your payroll.”
Gabriel’s urbane smile hinted at a well of dark amusement. “And if I do that, will you be okay with this aspect of our relationship?” He looked cautious, as if he didn’t believe that would be enough to satisfy me.
“I don’t like it, Gabriel, but I do trust that you believe it’s a necessary evil.”
“It is, Emma. If I could have it any other way I would.”
I held up one finger. “Fine. Ground rules—your team does not interfere with my life. I don’t see them and I don’t know they’re there unless someone’s trying to hurt me. They’re not following me to be your guard dogs, got it?”
“Explain please.”
Negotiations instantly brought out the businessman in him. I doubt Gabriel agreed to anything unless he knew all the angles. I needed to take a page from his book.
“They don’t make a move to keep men away from me on principle. They’re not there to exercise any jealousy or territorial tendencies on your part.”
Gabriel blinked once. His voice, when it came, was careful and devoid of emotion. “Do you plan on meeting many men when I’m not around? If you are, I’m afraid that jealousy will be very much on the forefront of our interactions, Emma. Non-negotiable.”
“No! Gabriel, I’m not that kind of girl and I damn sure don’t want to be made to feel that I am, understand?”
“Perfectly.”
I needed to reassure him, despite not being asked to. “Just so you’re clear—I’m faithful and monogamous. Pretty much boring these days, I know, but that’s just who I am. No threesomes, swapping, or any of that stuff for me. Is that something you can deal with?”
“More than you know.” He nudged me with his foot. “Does that surprise you?”
“A little.” I figured he’d always juggled one or two lady friends at a time just because he could.
“Not all members of the ‘S&M kink club’ are into sharing. Some like it, others don’t. Just so you’re clear—I fall in the latter category. I don’t share. Ever. We’ll be boring together that way.”
“Will we?”
“Absolutely.”
Now was my chance to bring up what had been bothering me. I rushed forward and hoped for the best. “No, I mean will we be exploring this side of you together?”
Gabriel didn’t answer me immediately. Instead, he observed me for a long uncomfortable minute. I imagined he took in my flushed cheeks and bright eyes with uncanny assessment. “It’s my sincerest wish.”
“Then why was tonight like it was?” I gestured toward the bed just in case I wasn’t being clear enough.
“Emma, Emma…” Gabriel murmured softly. “You’re killing me. I lost count of how many times you came, but now I hear you weren’t satisfied. This is a mortal wound to my impressive ego. However will I survive such a blow?”
“It’s not that,” I explained lamely when it was exactly just that. His amused expression dared me to continue lying. “Okay, it’s that. Not entirely, but enough.”
“Do go on.”
My God, how did he keep getting the upper hand on me? All of this wasn’t supposed to come out like that. Nor was I supposed to be so insecure about it. This was why I was always so mulishly quiet around him. I could never become fluent in his language of innuendo and command. I just knew how to speak bluntly.
I swore it put me at a disadvantage every single time.
“Is Embry right? Do you believe what she said about me?”
“Do I believe you’ll never be comfortable or even into my deviant side? I hope not.”
My hope plummeted. “But you’re not sure.”
Gabriel regarded me, seemingly wondering if he could get away with not answering. “No, I’m not sure.”
“I see.” I looked back down at my lap, feeling the world had taken an unsafe turn. What was the point of going this far, of letting this man back into my life, if we were doomed to fail? Our incompatibilities seemed to stretch beyond social class and balance sheets, deep into the core of who we were fundamentally.
I suddenly wished all we had to overcome was social class.
“Emma, look at me.”
I thought of ignoring Gabriel, but his command pulled at me hard. I didn’t want him to see the anxiety and fear rioting in my gaze, but it was there. Gabriel would see me how I really was behind the bravado. Helpless to my own weaknesses, I raised my head and faced whatever would come.
He sat up and reached for me. His lips kissed my temple sweetly, reverently, before Gabriel guided my head to lie against his chest. His heartbeat dictated my world.
“It’s not an indictment against you. My love for you isn’t tied into that,” he said in a gentle whisper. “I would never consider ending our relationship because of what you will and will not do. I mean that, Emma. Embry doesn’t know me as well as she claims to. Don’t let her words infect you, baby. It’s what she wants.”
“I wish I could forget about it—”
“You can.”
“But it’s not that simple.” I tried to lift my head. He just kept his large firmly hand in place until I stopped. “You considered marrying her. She must know you well enough for you to make her your wife.”
“Embry was compatible enough to fit into my life, yes. But she’s no longer in it for a reason.”
And I was that reason. So why wasn’t I secure and satisfied with my place?
Because you’ve never believed he’d want you long enough to make a permanent place for you my thoughts echoed. Especially since he’d have to go through so much trouble to fit you into his life.