“I know.” I hug her again and I hear more sniffling. They’re all crying now. Javi starts handing out the tissues as, one by one, my friends come and hug me and apologize. This was what I wanted all along. For them to treat me like a human being. Their friend. Not someone who needs TERRIBLE advice. Or interventions on her behalf. I explain all this, and they seem to listen. Really listen.
“You have to stop treating me like a child. I’m not. I’m your friend and I’m an adult. I love you, but I need to live my own life.”
They all agree, and there’s more hugging. Javi gives me a round of applause and they all join in and I do a little curtsey. Jett is watching in the back, and I can tell that he’s proud of me, but we still have unfinished business.
This is one step in the right direction.
“Now that that’s over, who wants nachos?” Javi asks, and we all raise our hands. I look over my shoulder at Jett and he gives me a little smile and a wink. I wink back at him.
We need to talk. But first, nachos.
“I’m going to tell them,” I say to Jett as my friends devour the nachos and Javi tells dirty jokes and passes out drinks. “We might as well come out of the proverbial closet.”
He just shrugs.
“That’s all you’ve got to say?”
“I don’t care if you tell them.” Sometimes I want to strangle him. But I like him too much.
“Then you’re coming with me.” I grab his hand and drag him out to the living room and stand in front of Javi’s giant television.
“We have an announcement to make.” I look at Jett and he looks like he’d rather fall through the floor than stand next to me right now. Too bad.
“Jett and I are not dating. We never were. We made a deal that we would pretend to date so that our FRIENDS would stop pestering us to go out and find someone. So. There you have it. Thank you for your attention.” I do another curtsey and start to drag Jett back to the kitchen, but Hazel blocks my way.
“You faked it? The whole thing? Why?” My other friends are too shocked to speak.
“Because you wouldn’t stop pestering me to go to the bar and I didn’t have the balls to tell you to leave me the f**k alone. So rather than confront you, I roped this poor guy into an elaborate scheme with Rules and insanity. I have no idea why he went along with it.” Other than I really, really like Fake Dating Jett.
I turn to Jett, and for the first time ever, his face is beet red. Crap. I shouldn’t have made him come with me. He didn’t ask for this. I’d just gotten mad at my friends for treating me like crap, and now I am turning around and doing it to Jett. I turn to apologize, but he mumbles something under his breath. I move closer to him as my friends start whispering to each other.
“What did you say?” He makes a growling sound.
“Because I liked you! And I wanted to be around you! And now I think I love you!” he yells and the room goes so silent you could hear a mouse sneeze.
“You think you love me?” I say, touching his shoulder.
He faces me and he nods. “Yeah, I do.”
Oh. Wow. I can’t believe it. I know I care for him, but I never imagined he cared about me that much. I look up at the boy with the dragon tattoos and the mohawk and the paper cranes. I care about him so much that I don’t know how I can stand it. He fills my head and my heart and I know that this, right here, is real.
“Well, I think I love you, too.” I’ve been realizing it slowly, day by day, moment by moment. With every paper crane he’d made me, I’d fallen a little more. With every night, I’d gotten a little bit closer.
And now here I am. In Real Love with my Fake Boyfriend.
“What the f**k are you waiting for? Kiss the girl!” Javi yells and I stare into Jett’s shifting eyes and he leans down. And he kisses me.
It’s tender and sweet. He puts his feelings behind it and it’s even better than before. I rise up on my tiptoes and put my arms around him and his arms go around me and it’s everything a kiss should be. Fireworks and confetti and cheering. The latter comes from my friends and Javi.
We finally pull apart.
“So does this mean that you will be my Real Boyfriend now?”
“Yeah, I think it does, Real Girlfriend.”
And we kiss again to seal the deal.
Chapter 20
“So there’s something I have to tell you, in the interest of full disclosure,” Jett says that night when we’re getting ready for bed. Javi has vacated the place to give us the night alone, and I’m freaking out.
This is the first time we’ll be spending the night together without the barrier of the Rules. I’d thrown them away after my friends had left. They’d made me read them out loud as I’d told them about all the silly things Jett and I had done to Fake our relationship. Now it’s just the two of us with nothing between us. Except for the fact that I’m a virgin. But we JUST told each other that we care about each other, and our Real relationship is only a few hours old. I don’t think we really need to get into that right away. Right?
Besides, Jett apparently has something he wants to tell me, so I sit down on his bed and give him my full attention. As long as we’re not talking about my virginity, I’m good.
“Okay, go ahead.” He opens his mouth, but then changes his mind.
“No, it’s nothing. Nothing we need to talk about right now. Bedtime?” I nod and he gets in and I get in with him, but this time I face him.
“So this means we can kiss whenever we want now,” I say as we lay with barely an inch between our faces.
“We did that anyway. We failed at following the Rules most of the time. You let me get away with a lot.” He grins and I smile as well.
It’s true. I let him get away with anything he wanted.
“We did kind of suck at it. How do you think we’ll do Real Dating?”
“I don’t know, but I think we should practice.”
“I think you’re right.”
I move my head forward just a bit and our lips meet and then open and then our tongues are dancing, giving and taking, back and forth. We were always good at this part. He knows just how I like to be kissed and he always tastes good. Our bodies mold together and then I’m on my back, with Jett over me. The kissing is getting intense, and I want more.
He wants more, too.
I move my hands from the back of his head, down to the hem of his shirt and he moves so I can pull it off him. Got it on the first try! Not bad for a virgin. Maybe he won’t notice?
As soon as it’s off, his lips are back on mine and the frenzy intensifies and I want SOMETHING, ANYTHING so much that I think it’s going to kill me. And then the kiss stops.
“I’m a virgin,” Jett blurts out. “I never had sex because my parents never talked about it, except to tell me if I did it, I would disgrace them. And then I couldn’t meet the right girl and I didn’t think they’d want a clumsy virgin. So I understand if you don’t . . . want to do anything. I understand.”
If he had told me he was a serial killer I might have been less shocked. But once the revelation is out, SO MANY things make sense. And then I start laughing. Probably not the best response, but I can’t help it.
Even in the dark I can see the hurt and confusion on his face. I shake my head and try to stifle the giggles.
“So . . . So am I!” And that launches me into another fit of giggles.
“You’re a virgin?”
“Yes.” And then he starts laughing with me. And we don’t stop for a long time. Not until we’re both gasping and wiping tears.
“We’re both virgins. What are the chances of that?” I say.
“I don’t f**king know.” Jett had lowered himself to his side when he started laughing because he couldn’t hold himself up with his arms, so we’re facing each other again.
“So what do two virgins who have just started Real dating and are alone in an apartment do with themselves?” I know what I want to do, but I don’t want to push him if he’s not ready.
“Well I know what I’d like to do. I’d like to see you nak*d. I’ve thought and dreamed about it, and I’d like it to happen. And then I want to look at you with the lights on. See every curve. And then I want to taste every curve, and then when you’re satisfied, I want to be with you. If you want to be with me. And then I want to draw you with nothing on you but light.”
Well, if he wanted to make a speech to ask me for my virginity, he just nailed it. It’s his. He can have it. And he wants me to have his.
“You know it’s not going to be like that, the first time.”
“I know, but maybe it will be for us. We’ve broken the rules of dating so far.”
“So you’re saying you want to try? Right now?”
“I think now is as good a time as any.”
“Do you have condoms?”
“Javi always makes sure I’m well stocked.” He reaches over me to his nightstand and pulls one out, holding it up. The sight of the little shiny package makes it feel more real. What do I want more? To stay the same, to keep the wall up? Or to let him in to every part of me?
“Let’s do it.”
“You sure?”
I nod. I’m sure. This is the most rash decision I’ve ever made, but I’m on a high from telling him I loved him earlier, so I don’t care. Rash decisions are kind of awesome.
“Then can I put the lights on?”
I nod again as he climbs over me and goes to turn on the overhead light and then his lamps. My eyes are used to the darkness, so I blink a few times. He stands next to the bed, and his intention is clear. Very, very clear.
I may know a lot about sex in theory, but doing it is another thing. Well, time to get this show on the road.
I stand up in front of Jett and kiss him. He pulls me forward, and his hands skim my back. This we know. This we have down. His hands lift my shirt and I raise my arms over my head so he can lift it off. I’m still wearing a bra and his breath hisses out as he looks at me.
Oh my God. Jett and I are going to have sex. I’m going to see him nak*d, he’s going to see me nak*d and he’s going to put his penis inside me. Penis. Cock. Dick. Penis. And just as quick as I made the decision, I want to unmake it. Rash decisions aren’t for me. I was wrong. Because I overthink EVERYTHING.
“Red light.” He stops what he’s doing as if I’ve slapped him. He raises his hands.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m freaking out. I . . . I don’t think I’m ready for this. I know I said that a second ago, but I don’t think I am. Can we just put on the brakes?” He holds my face very gently, as if he’s afraid I’m going to run away.
“Whatever you want to do is what we’ll do, princess. No pressure. That’s what got us here in the first place.” He reaches down and grabs my shirt and hands it to me, and then gets his.
“Want to go just go to bed?” he says as soon as we’re both clothed again.
Just because I stopped him and decided that I’m not quite ready to go all the way yet, doesn’t mean I don’t still want him. In fact, my downstairs is currently screaming at me. Not sure if it has a face or not, but it’s definitely making itself known. Sleeping is probably not going to happen, and I’m not the one with the hard on.