Knowing I needed to apologize, I set down the notebook that I'd been writing in and cautiously made my way over to him. He looked away from me and murmured something about needing a shower before heading out to the airport. A slice of pain went through me at the thought of him leaving, but right now, his avoidance was concerning me more. As I walked into the entryway, he turned and bounded up the stairs.
"Kellan?"
He disappeared around a corner, but tossed out, "I'll be right back . . . just need to clean up."
I tried not to interpret that in any way other than honesty; he was sweaty and wanted to be fresh for his trip. Briefly glancing back at my parents, I followed Kellan up the stairs. He was examining himself in the bathroom mirror when I caught up to him.
"Kellan?" I asked again.
He looked over at me and I gasped. In the mirror I could see an angry red line of torn and bloodied skin. It started at his cheek and stretched down to his jaw. That's why he wouldn't look at me downstairs-that bitch had attacked him.
"She hit you?" My heart surged as I rushed up to him.
Kellan glanced at his injury in the mirror, then sighed when he realized I could see it in the reflection. "I'm fine, Kiera."
Grabbing his face, I carefully twisted his head to examine the wound more closely. "She drew blood. That bitch drew blood!"
"It's fine." He smirked. "It's not the first time a woman has cut me."
I ignored his provocative reference to our steamy tryst in an espresso stand, my eyes watery. His smile slipped away from him as he examined my face as surely as I was examining his. "Things . . . didn't go very well. Maybe you should have tagged along after all."
I cupped his uninjured cheek. "Maybe it's better that I didn't. I probably would have gotten arrested for assault."
A faint smile lifted Kellan's lips, but it quickly faded. "I'm sorry I was sort of an ass to you. I just didn't want you involved in her ugliness."
I stroked his moist skin with my thumb. "I'm not involved with her, I'm involved with you, and I wanted to be there to support you. "
Kellan looked down, his face a mixture of appreciation and concern. "I know. I just . . . I know her, and I knew how she'd be." He glanced up at me. "Especially now that she knows what you mean to me. I wanted to protect you."
I gave his chin a light kiss; his skin was slightly salty. "I'm not weak. I can handle it."
Kellan's smile was peaceful as he sat on the bathroom counter. "I know you're not weak. I think I'm the weak one. I needed to know you were safe, protected. I didn't want you to have to hear . . ." His voice trailed off as he let his thought die. "This was all about me, Kiera . . . and I'm sorry."
I could easily imagine just what Joey would have said to me-every intimacy she would have described, every bad behavior she'd witnessed from Kellan. She would have tried to drive a wedge between us, just because she hadn't been able to turn Kellan into one of her boy toys. It only reaffirmed to me just how dangerous jealousy could be.
Straightening my shoulders, I laced my arms around Kellan's neck. "You can stop apologizing, you know. I forgave you a while ago."
His smile broad, Kellan wrapped his arms around my waist. The jagged line along his jaw didn't look quite as bad with his eyes glowing with happiness. "Yeah?"
Stepping closer to him, I shrugged a shoulder. "Of course. You and I aren't always going to agree; we're not always going to get along." Careful to avoid his cut, I grabbed both of his warm cheeks. "And . . . I am so proud of you for telling me the truth when you really wanted to lie. That means more to me than . . . well, that means everything." My throat closed up on me, and I had to swallow to relieve the pressure.
Kellan's eyes searched mine as he nodded in my hands. Moisture pricked my eyes as I thought of the many lies that had speckled our relationship. Honesty, while painful at times, was the best thing we could do for each other.
Before the emotion of the moment could sweep me away, I made my mood brighten and asked him, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Kellan gave me a long, drawn-out sigh, reminding me that neither one of us slept last night. I stifled a yawn after that realization. "She wanted to meet here at the house, but I told her I'd meet her around the corner. I wanted to beat her there so she didn't show up here anyway, so I didn't have time to go to a bank. I didn't have enough cash, and she freaked out when I wrote her a check for the rest. I offered to drive with her to a bank, but she smacked me, and I told her to f**k off. I went for a run after that to blow off some steam." Bitch. He rolled his eyes while I narrowed mine. "She's a touch crazy. I don't know how I ever lived with her."
I was more wondering how he'd ever slept with her. But he was already irritated, so I didn't say it. Kissing my head, he murmured, "I just want to shower now, get ready to go."
I stepped back so Kellan could step away from the sink. I hated that he was leaving today and I wasn't. I wished he could stay. I wished I could leave. But wishing doesn't change anything, and we would both have to be patient. Kellan turned on the water as I shut the bathroom door. I took over his spot on the counter and watched him adjusting the temperature of the shower. Hopefully the hot water had refilled since my epically long shower earlier.
When the water was perfect, Kellan took off his shoes, socks, and T-shirt; the damp shirt clung to his skin as he removed it. Once it was visible, my eyes fixated on the tattoo over his heart. It was a good thing Joey hadn't seen my name etched into his skin. Kellan might have received more than a bloody line across his face. But Kellan didn't often show his tattoo to the world. It was ours, private. I would really miss seeing the scripted letters when he was gone. Just one of a thousand things I would miss.
Kellan's fingers paused on his track pants. Roused from my melancholy thoughts, I glanced up at his face. He was frowning. "Am I making a mistake?" he whispered over the sound of the shower.
With no frame of reference, I wasn't sure what he meant by that. Seeing my lost expression, Kellan clarified. "Making an album, going on tour . . . am I making a mistake?" The room filled with steam as I hopped off of the counter. Kellan grabbed my hand when I stepped in front of him. "All I want is a quiet life with you," he continued. "What I just signed up for . . . isn't exactly a quiet life."
Wondering how to comfort him-when I often thought the same thing-I reached up and ran my thumb over his healing wound. "Kellan, your life will never be quiet, no matter what you do." He laughed at my reference, the confusion on his face lifting. I placed my hand on his chest and looked him square in the eye. "You belong on a stage. It's what you were born to do."
Even though it was contradictory to the peace and quiet we both wanted, I knew without a doubt that my statement was true. Kellan was doing what he was supposed to be doing. He was living out his destiny. But that didn't have to mean that we would give up on a peaceful life together. It just meant we had to be flexible. Giving him a soft kiss, I murmured, "We will just have to find moments of quiet in the chaos, and we're pretty good at that."
Kellan returned my soft kiss. "Yeah . . . we are." Tilting his head toward the shower, he raised an eyebrow in question. I knew what he was asking: Want to join me? A large part of me wanted to say yes, but we had important things to do today, and I had two ever-watchful parents downstairs that we were trying to impress with our restraint. And I was pretty sure there wasn't near enough hot water left in the tank.
Shaking my head, I gave him a final kiss, then gathered up his laundry. He frowned at me, then shucked off the rest of his clothes and put them in my arms. "Thank you for the pep talk," he said, leaning over to kiss my cheek.
I tried to keep my eyes on his face, I really did, but I couldn't resist a peek or two at his body. "You're welcome."
My cheeks flushed as I watched him step into the shower. He swished the curtain into place and started humming a song. I paused with my hand on the doorknob, listening to him; I could listen to him all day. Suddenly, he sucked in a sharp breath and swore. I glanced back at his shadow through the pale curtain. "You okay?"
He stuck his head out; his messy head of hair was completely slicked back and looked darker than it usually did, almost as dark as Denny's. "Yeah . . . damn scratch stings."
I wanted to frown at the pain that bitch had given him, but the petulant look on his face was so adorable that I ended up giggling instead. He wasn't amused by that and ducked back into the shower. "I could set some bandages out for you if you like?" I asked, a merry lilt to my tone.
Kellan let out a loud exhale. "I'm good, thanks."
"Big baby," I mumbled, opening the door.
Mom was coming up the stairs when I emerged into the hallway. Her face brightened as she saw me. Her long, elegant finger pointed to a section of the glossy magazine that she had in her hands. "I just found the most beautiful bouquet in the world. You have to take a look at this."
Arms full of Kellan's sweaty clothes, I tossed on a smile. "Sure, Mom . . . no problem. Let me just get these in the laundry first."
She nodded enthusiastically as she followed me into the bedroom.
When were she and Dad leaving again?
Chapter 4: Goodbye for Now
I was in the guest room with my mom when Kellan finished in the shower. She was explaining the pros and cons of having an all-white bouquet. Mom was so absorbed in her debate, she didn't notice Kellan walking into our bedroom with only a tiny towel around his waist. Then again, seeing him wouldn't have changed the conversation any.
For a moment, I wondered if I should ask Kellan to come in here so he could give his opinion on the floral arrangement. I didn't, though. For one thing, he needed to get ready to go. And secondly, I didn't think Mom really cared about his opinion. She certainly hadn't asked him anything about it so far. For some reason, all of the wedding details were being heaped solely on me, like only I had a say.
That wasn't true, though. I didn't have a say. I'd told Mom multiple times that I wanted a simple, short, private ceremony . . . if I had to have one at all. My impromptu marriage at Pete's was perfect, and I was fine with going to the courthouse to casually sign the papers that would make it official. Then we could have a small, quiet reception with a few friends and family. Mom wouldn't hear it, though. She was deadset on a gigantic shindig.
Kellan came into the guest room when he was dressed. He was reading something on his phone and grinning ear to ear. Mom stopped telling me that wildflowers weren't really classy enough for a wedding and looked up at Kellan. The scratch from Joey looked better now that his skin was clean and full of moisture. The red line was unmistakable, though, and Mom looked over at me after spotting it.
Ignoring her silent question, I asked Kellan, "What is it?"
His smile still huge, Kellan tucked his phone in his pocket. "That was Gavin. His plane is just about ready to take off. He wanted to thank me for meeting with him . . . finally, and let me know that I could visit him anytime I wanted." He let out a small laugh and looked at the floor. "He said he . . . he loves me."
Kellan peeked up at me and his brows were furrowed, like he couldn't comprehend why anyone on this earth would love him, especially a parent. Being loved was still a new experience for him. Or at least, accepting the fact that he was loved was new. Kellan had known love-his band certainly loved him, Denny loved him-but Kellan's view of himself was so skewed for so long, he hadn't recognized the love right in front of him. It took me entering his life and turning it upside down for him to see it, for him to really feel it. But a lifetime of feeling unwanted was hard to shake, and he still struggled with it on occasion.
Standing, I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Of course he loves you. You're his son."
The small smile slipping off of his face, he whispered, "That doesn't mean anything."
My heart breaking, I brushed a damp strand of hair off of his forehead. Leaning up, I murmured into his ear, "I will always love you, Kellan. Your heart is safe with me."