“My heart goes out to his wife and family, of course. But at Kruger-Brent it’s business as usual.”
No one watching her would have guessed that she had once loved Max with all her heart. That they’d grown up together, as Lexi herself used to say, like two sides of the same person.
It was getting cool. Gabe finished his beer and walked inside his pristine, state-of-the-art apartment.
He’d never felt more lonely in his life.
Lexi woke at five A.M., sweating.
The dreams were getting worse.
She was six years old, walking along the street in Dark Harbor with her father, pushing a doll carriage. Max, adult and naked, ran up to the carriage and snatched the doll. Except it wasn’t a doll, it was a baby. Their baby. He wrapped his hands around its tiny, fragile neck and started to choke it.
Lexi was going into labor. Gabe was pushing her through the hospital corridors in a wheelchair. He spun the chair around and said: “I know you’re lying to me. Tell me the truth about Kruger-Brent and I can save you.”
“Save me from what?”
Blood started gushing from between Lexi’s legs, torrents and torrents of blood, till the hospital floor was no longer a floor but a thick, viscous red swimming pool. She was drowning, screaming for Gabe to help her, but he couldn’t. “I love you. But I can’t go on.”
Weakly Lexi crawled out of bed and into the shower. Her appointment wasn’t till this afternoon. How am I going to make it through the next ten hours? She rubbed shower gel all over her wet skin, washing not because she was dirty but because it was something to do. Cupping her breasts in her hands, she marveled at the weight of them. The baby-it-was about the size of a pinhead, but already her boobs were preparing to feed the five thousand. She wondered how long it would take them to go back to normal afterward. Days? Weeks? Her usually washboard-flat stomach now had a slight but pronounced curve to it, but it looked more like middle-aged spread than pregnancy. This wasn’t her body. It was the body of a stranger. Soft. Maternal. All the things that Lexi was not. Could never be.
She thought about Gabe. Maddeningly, the tears started to well up. She tried not to think of “it” as a baby, still less as Gabe’s baby. Even so, the knowledge that she was about to destroy the last piece of what they’d had together…
Lexi put her head in her hands and sobbed.
Goddamn these stupid hormones.
All Lexi wanted was for the nightmare to be over.
“I see this is your second scheduled appointment with us?”
Lexi glared at the abortion-clinic receptionist. Are you asking me or telling me?
“You canceled a previous procedure on…” She scrolled down her computer screen. “On the tenth. Is that right?”
“Yes.”
“And what was the reason for the cancellation?”
Gee, well, let me think. I’m throwing away my last chance at natural motherhood? I’m killing the child of the man I love, the best thing that ever happened to me, not to mention my own baby? I’m scared of hemorrhaging to death on the operating table like some kind of sacrificial lamb, being punished for all the sins that no one knows I’ve committed?
“I had a business meeting.”
The receptionist raised an eyebrow.
“An important business meeting. It couldn’t be rescheduled.”
“Right. So you’re quite sure about this afternoon’s procedure?”
“Quite sure.” Lexi signed the consent forms. “When can I go to my room?”
“As soon as you’re ready, Ms. Templeton. One of our nurses will show you through to the patient suites.”
The girl sighed as she watched Lexi disappear through the double doors. It didn’t matter if it was a panicked teenager or a world-weary CEO, and it didn’t matter how tough a front they put on. Abortion was always sad. Part of Lexi Templeton’s heart would break today, never to recover.
Next week, the receptionist decided, she would look for another job.
The captain’s voice rang out through the cabin speakers.
“I appreciate your patience, folks. We’ve been asked to circle around for just a few more minutes. Should have you on the ground shortly.”
A collective groan from the passengers jolted Gabe awake. Through his tiny plastic window he could see New York sprawled out below. He wondered for the hundredth time what the hell he was doing coming back here.
You know why you came.
Because you had to.
Your heart never left.
“We’re running a little behind today.” The nurse smiled sympathetically as she bustled about Lexi’s room, drawing back the curtains and refilling the pitcher of water. “You’ll probably go down to the operating room at around four. Can I bring you some magazines? I’m afraid we can’t offer you anything to eat.”
Lexi smiled wryly. As if I could eat! Maybe something to read would help distract her.
“Do you have today’s Wall Street Journal?”
“Er…no. I’m afraid not.” The nurse looked apologetic. “We have Vogue and InStyle. I think we may have the new Us Weekly. Would you like to see that?”
“No thanks.”
Mindlessly, Lexi grabbed the remote and turned on CNN. Four o’clock. Three whole hours. She’d have written a check for a million dollars to jump the line and get it over with now. What use was it, having money, if it couldn’t get you what you wanted?
Gabe jumped into the cab. It was filthy and smelled of stale tacos.
“Park Avenue, please. The Kruger-Brent building.”
“They ain’t there no more.” The cabdriver turned around. A blubbery whale of a Mexican, he had sweat patches under his arms the size of dinner plates. When he spoke, he blasted Gabe with taco breath. “They went bust, remember? You don’t watcha news?”