And every time he deserved it less.
But the worst part of it was that he knew he was going to take it anyway.
His mouth never leaving hers, he laid her back on the blanket. He wanted to look at her, this beautiful miracle in his arms. Shifting so that he could run his hands over her shoulders, slowly down her arms, he drank in the sight of her.
Firelight made her skin glow, but she didn't need it, didn't need anything other than the fire that was already inside of her.
“I'm so damn lucky you're here.” His statement was out there before he could think better of saying it.
She blinked up at him, her big brown eyes warm with arousal—and love. “You are?”
Her response took him by surprise, the fact that she didn't know it already.
And it made him want her even more. It made him want to show her how lucky he was, rather than just tell her with words.
The surf crashed around them as he slowly stripped off her clothes. The moon shined down over them as he ran kisses over her skin. The fire flickered as she cried out with pleasure in his arms.
As he made love to Janica Ellis, the warning bells and lights clanged and chimed and shined as loudly as they could, trying to remind him that the higher the heights, the bigger the fall. But with Janica moving beneath him and the stars up above in a cloudless sky, he couldn't stop himself from feeling greater pleasure—and deeper peace—than he ever had before.
Chapter Seventeen
“Go back to sleep,” Janica murmured as she felt Luke shift against her the following morning.
In the past few days she'd learned that her lover was an early bird. No matter how late they went to bed, no matter how little sleep they got, he was up with the sun.
The only thing that made it slightly palatable was the fact that other parts of him were up too.
“I'll let you sleep again soon,” he said, but she was already shifting her hips against his.
Her pussy was deliciously sensitive as he moved into her. She gasped at the wonderful feeling of fullness and he stilled behind her.
She knew he was worried that he was hurting her. His concern was so sweet.
And so misplaced.
“Don't hold back.” When he still didn't move, she actually found herself begging him. “Please, Luke. Please.”
And then his hand gripped her raised hipbone hard, his fingers digging into her skin right before he thrust into her so deep, so fast that his weight would have pushed her off the bed if he hadn't been holding her steady.
“More,” she pleaded. “Give me more.”
A second later he had her on her stomach, gripping the sheets with clenched hands as he drove into her from behind. She took everything he had to give and her body silently begged for more as she lifted her hips up off the bed for even deeper penetration.
“Jesus, Janica,” he groaned and she was almost too far gone to feel his teeth sink into the curve of her neck as they both exploded with pleasure.
She loved it, loved knowing that she was the only one who could make him lose control like this. She fell back asleep with a smile on her lips.
She wasn't surprised that his side of the bed was empty when she finally woke up. After a shower she walked out of the kitchen to make herself something to eat and found a note on the counter.
“Heading out for a run. Hoping I still have the energy.”
She smiled at the note and enjoyed the thought of seeing him return sweaty and out of breath. It was one of her favorite looks on him.
But as she grabbed a banana off of the counter and peeled it, her smile fell away. Making love on the beach in front of the fire with Luke had been way beyond her wildest fantasies. She'd felt special. No other man had ever made her feel like that.
And yet...
She couldn't stop thinking about their conversation about Lily and Travis and how they'd found true love together. Their siblings were the last two people on earth that should have ended up blissfully happy together. Instead, they had disproved every cynic.
More than once during the past five years, Janica had been, well, not jealous, exactly. But wanting. Wanting what her older sister had. Wanting someone who would walk through flames for her.
Could Luke ever be that person?
Could Luke ever love her? If they left Big Sur and went back to San Francisco, back to their lives, was there any way they could still be together? Or would she forever exist for him in this little cabin by the beach, and only there?
She put the banana down without taking a bite.
She rewound through the past three days and nights, through laughter and loving. And uncertainty, too. Because they were wading through deep, confusing waters together.
After they'd made love out on the beach, when they'd gotten chilly lying naked in each other's arms with only the corners of the blanket to pull up around them, they'd gathered up their things and Luke had gotten a bucket and poured sea water over the bonfire.
Fear had hit her, a punch straight to the solar plexus, as she watched the beautiful flames smolder, smoke, and then sizzle away to nothing.
Please, she'd silently prayed up to the stars in the dark night sky above, don't let that happen to us.
This wasn't like her, sitting around worrying, acting scared. It also wasn't like her to neglect her business, so she picked up the phone on the counter and checked her messages. If it were anyone but Luke, she would head straight back and not leave her office for a week.
But she couldn't even think of leaving him. He was too important. And he still needed her. The demons he'd been fighting that first night in her apartment were still there, just pushed into the background.
Besides, wasn't that supposed to be one of the perks of having her own business? That she could walk away from it and trust her excellent employees to take care of things if she really needed to?
Fortunately, today there was nothing too pressing for her to deal with. Just a friend in the business who was wondering if she knew anyone who could fill in as a volunteer for “A Day in The Life of a Fashion Designer” at a teen center in Monterey.
She was just finishing up her conversation with him, saying, “No. It's no problem. I'll be there soon,” when Luke walked in the door.
“You're leaving.”
This was the second time he'd assumed she was halfway out the door. And both times he'd looked pretty darn devastated.
Interesting....
It shouldn't have made her so happy to see how upset he was. But it did. Which was why she let him hang there for a little while longer with a simple, “Yup.”
His jaw tightened, a muscle jumping in the hollow beneath his cheekbone. “This morning. I shouldn't have—”