She took pity on him. How could she not?
“Oh yes you should have,” she said with a smile. “In fact I'd be begging you to do the exact same thing to me again right now if we weren't going to be late.”
“What are we late for?”
He was clearly confused, but just as clearly relieved that she wasn't leaving.
Laughing, she said, “We've got a hot date with a teen center in Monterey. You'd better get yourself into the shower before I drag you there myself.”
But when he held out a hand to her and said, “We'd better get clean, then,” even though she knew they were barely going to make it to the teen center on time, she couldn't resist joining him.
* * *
Janica was fantastic with kids.
She was fantastic with everyone, actually. In the first half hour she'd managed to teach Luke enough for him to work with the kids one-on-one as they cut and stitched fabric.
Hours later as they ate clam chowder out of bread bowls at a restaurant on the wharf, he said, “Looks like you've done a lot of volunteering with kids. I'm really impressed.”
“Right back at you,” she said. “I don't think any of them knew you were really a stuffy doctor.”
He knew he hadn't caught his hurt reaction in time by the way she looked at him and the fact that she covered his hand with hers.
“Sorry, I was just teasing. I really appreciate you helping out today. I know it's a lot of work. If you're ever looking to get out of the ER, you should consider being a pediatrician.”
“I loved working with the kids, teaching them what you were teaching me, too.” And he had, but that wasn't the full truth. “What I really loved was being with you.”
“You loved being with me,” she repeated in a hollow voice. “Is that it?”
He frowned, his frown deepening as her face lost all color. God, he hated doing this to her. Especially when he'd known all along that he couldn't give her what she wanted.
“Janica.” Fuck. He didn't have the first clue what to say to her.
Because he didn't have the first clue about what was going on inside his own screwed up head.
“I need to get some air,” she said, pushing away from the table.
She was fast enough that he couldn't catch her until she was halfway down a public dock. She didn't stop when he called out her name several times and he had no choice but to grab her arm and force her to look at him.
“What's wrong?”
“Me. I'm what's wrong.”
“No. You're perfect.”
“Then why don't you love me?”
He crushed her mouth beneath his without thinking. He kissed her savagely, ruthlessly. They were both panting when he finally drew away from her bruised and swollen lips.
“I'm hurting you,” he said, the words low and raw. “Just like I knew I would. I don't want to hurt you, sweetheart.”
“I know you don't,” she said, and then she surprised him by taking his hand and saying, “Let's go back to the cabin and you can make it up to me.”
He didn't deserve her. Didn't deserve how open and loving she was.
And yet, even knowing that, even knowing he was hurting her, wasn't enough to make him give her up.
Chapter Eighteen
She felt nervous. God, how she hated feeling nervous. They hadn't said a word to each other the whole drive back home. And now they were standing in the cabin staring at each other, like two strangers who didn't know how or where to start. It didn't matter that they knew each other's bodies intimately. Somewhere along the way, their relationship had changed from being purely physical.
Moving straight into the gray area.
A gray area where it felt like her heart might break at any moment.
Where there was more than a slight chance that it already had.
“This shouldn't be so complicated,” she said, forcing herself to reach for the zipper on the front of her dress and pull it down, just as she would with any other guy she wanted to sleep with. “I'm a girl and you're a boy and we want each other.”
But even as she said the words she knew it wasn't Luke she was trying to convince.
She was trying to convince herself.
“Janica, stop.”
Her fingers stilled on her zipper. He moved across the room, his eyes dark with desire and something else that she couldn't read. And then the next thing she knew he was lifting her in his arms and walking back to the bedroom. Gently, so gently she could hardly believe it, he laid her down on the bed.
She felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest.
“You don't have to do this.” But he didn't stop the slow shift of her dress off of her shoulders, not even when she added, “Please don't do this just because of what I said on the wharf.”
His mouth was hot on her shoulder, his lips teasing her skin, and then he was shifting her dress down further, down over her breasts, past her nipples. The pads of his thumbs brushed over her first, followed by his tongue, swirling, tasting.
His sweet touch felt so good she lost her breath.
A while later he lifted his head from her chest. “What were you saying?”
She looked up into his eyes and she was surprised to see the playful glint in the green depths. But, for the first time in a very long time, she didn't want to laugh away her feelings.
“You don't have anything to make up to me, Luke. It's been my decision to be with you. Because I want to.”
The sentence was barely out of her mouth before his mouth was back on her breasts, hot and demanding. From one to the other he nipped, kissed, sucked, until she was nearly delirious with pleasure.
Finally, he looked up at her again. “Anything else?”
What had she been about to say? Lust, arousal had her brain all fogged up.
Still, she managed, “It's okay if it's just sex.”
It wasn't. Not at all. But she felt she needed to say it. That maybe then she might be able to believe it.
His hands were gentle, but her dress was still gone by the time she blinked, her panties going a moment later. Moving down between her thighs, he lifted her legs up, one over each shoulder. Her body wept with need for this complex, beautiful man between her legs.
A muscle jumped in his jaw and his eyes were dark. “This isn't just sex.”
She barely had time to process his words when he ran his tongue over her in one long, steady stroke across her labia and over her clit.
Her hips bucked up into his mouth and he held her closer with his hands on her ass, sucking her in between his tongue and the roof of his mouth. Just like that, she came, exploding into him. Spasms of ecstasy racked her body, and it was too much, too much pleasure. But when she tried to shift away, he wouldn't let her go, wouldn't let her escape the almost painful pleasure of his tongue, his lips, the slight scratch of his teeth against her incredibly aroused flesh.