His stomach rippled, muscles dancing beneath ruined skin as he undid the button and pulled down the zipper. He let the material whisper down his legs before kicking them away. He stood proud and naked. So different to when I first met him.
My mouth watered to lick every inch. To taste him. To drink him in forever.
His hands twitched by his sides. “Take your bra off.” His voice was dark, husky, heavily accented—the Russian dialect he tried so hard to hide coming through.
Sitting up, I pulled the dressing gown off and unhooked my bra. It came away; I let the cups fall to the bed.
Roan’s eyes fell to my chest, licking his lips. He groaned and cupped himself. His c**k jerked in his touch as he stroked sensitive flesh. “You’re the only woman my c**k reacts to. All my life, I’ve been alone. I was taught to hate sex. That it would fog my brain—ruin my focus for their missions. But now I look at you and I’m glad. I’m glad my c**k only reacts to you. Because it means I f**king own you and you own me in return.”
The passion in his tone kept me locked in his spell. My brain kept poking at grief, kept trying to suck me back into tears, but Roan trapped me with him. I needed it. Desperately. I needed to remember how to be myself. How to survive.
“You’re the only man I’ve been attracted to. I wanted you the moment I saw you. You scared me, terrified me, but beneath it all I saw who you are now. I saw a man I could love. I’m yours, Roan.”
His eyes snapped closed; his entire body shuddered. “Fuck, call me that again.” His voice resonated with lust.
I didn’t know if he wanted me to tell him I loved him or call him by his name. So I did both. I threw myself into the truth and embraced my future with this scarred fighter.
“I love you, Roan Averin.”
His body, so cut and etched in muscle, rippled with need. His eyes wrenched open and for once I saw a sliver of blue in the white depths. I saw ragged passion and undiluted awe. “You f**king own me, Hazel.”
“I don’t own you. I’ll never own you. You’re free. You fought your past and you found your way to me.” My voice cracked with tears—but these tears were pride and gratefulness that he’d been able to fight.
“Fucking hell,” Roan growled. “I need you so much.” Letting go of his erection, he pounced. The bed shifted as he landed on top of me. Supporting his weight on his elbows, his lips crashed against mine, pressing my head into the mattress.
He commanded me to open wide, to accept his brutal kiss. His mouth consumed me. Every slide of his tongue fought and parried. Danced and worshipped.
I moaned as his hand trailed down my ribcage, spreading a wake of fire. Caressing my hip, he dipped inward, pushing my legs apart.
“I want you. I need to be inside you.” He kissed me so hard my teeth bruised my lips. “I can’t be gentle. I’m—sorry. I can’t be—”
My body shattered as he pressed two fingers deep inside me. Drawing wetness and sending exploding pinwheels through my heart. “It’s okay. I under—”
His mouth landed on mine again, swallowing my words. His fingers thrust in a perfect rhythm building me higher and higher. An orgasm gathered behind my eyes, in my heart, my chest, my core.
Every stroke and tease from his long, strong fingers sent sweat dewing on my skin. The sun streamed through the windows, capturing us in a spotlight of heat.
“God, I want to be inside you. Hard and deep. I want to claim every inch of you,” Roan panted, biting my ear.
“Do it. Take me.”
I wanted him now while I existed in this perfect selfish world where nothing else mattered. I’d put barriers up, segmenting the grief I knew was waiting for me.
He laughed, strangled with hunger. “God, you’re too f**king potent. I can’t think straight. I can’t control myself.”
I whimpered as the tip of his c**k replaced his fingers, nudging, sliding in just a little.
Turning my head, I bit the billowing sheets, trying to keep my hands away from him. I wanted to pull him deeper, force him to take me fast. The fundamental human need to touch drove me nuts—knowing I couldn’t risk it. He strained himself so much already. Every muscle vibrated, his eyes tight and dark.
Roan hovered, teasing me. His h*ps rocked, giving me a small amount of his erection. He breathed hard, panting with stress. “Make me take you. Make me f**k you.” He thrust a little, twisting my mind with want. “Take me, Zel. Take all of me. Let me prove you have nothing left to fear.”
I stopped biting the sheets and looked at him. Really looked at him. No more barriers, no more smoke or secrets—he let me see just how hard touching was for him, but he wanted me to do it anyway. Every part of him wanted to kill me. The violence was an aura around him, beading on his brow.
He suffered to protect me.
He willingly battled pain to find salvation that might never come.
My heart couldn’t handle his agony. “It hurts you.” I shook my head. “I can’t. Stop. We can try another day.”
He growled, dropping his head to bite my neck. The sharpness of his teeth made me freeze.
Has he lost control?
My fingers itched for my knife. I said goodbye to Clara today and as much as I missed her, I wasn’t ready to leave this earth.
The realization that I wanted to continue living—even if it meant without her by my side caught me by surprise. It shot me with fight and adrenaline. Reminding me that others needed me.
Roan needed me.
His son needed me.
Instead of guilt, peace settled.
Then my back bowed as Roan pressed in a little more, stretching me. “I won’t go any further until you make me. Touch me.” He kissed my cheek, smothering me in the scent of smoke. “Touch me. Please. You’re safe.” His voice was ragged and strained.
The offer was too tantalising. I wanted to help him break. I wanted him to stop being in pain.
My fingers whispered over his back and he hissed. Every muscle in his spine locked down.
I dropped my hands.
You can’t do this.
I no longer played with just my life. I had another. Barely formed and so, so delicate. I couldn’t be reckless or selfish.
“I can’t.”
His eyes flared wide, holding himself rigid above me. “Why not?”
My heart bucked, racing toward the truth. Fear filled me at how he’d react. Would he still want me? Would he view it as a replacement for Clara? I’d worked through my issues and accepted that I could love another without being a traitor to Clara’s memory, but Roan didn’t know. He didn’t have a clue.