The thick silence of the cafeteria engulfed me. With nothing going on, the endless chatter of my thoughts picked up again. Mom. Mom. Mom. Since Friday night, she was al I could think about.
Was there something I could’ve done differently? Could I have prevented her from turning into a monster? If I hadn’t panicked after the attack, maybe I could’ve fended off the other daimon. I could’ve saved my mother from such a horrific fate.
Guilt turned the food in my stomach sour. I pushed myself from the table and headed outside just as one of the servants entered to close up for the night. A few kids moved across the quad, but no one I knew very wel .
I don’t know why I ended up in the main training room. It was past eight, but they never locked these rooms, although the weapons were secured after training sessions.
I stopped in front of one of the dummies used for knife practice and the occasional boxing match.
Restlessness itched through me as I stared at the lifelike figure. Tiny nicks and grooves marked the neck, chest, and abdomen. They were the areas where halfs were trained to strike: the solar plexus, heart, neck, and stomach.
I ran my fingers over the indentations. Covenant-issued blades were wickedly sharp, designed to cut through the daimon’s skin quickly and do maximum damage.
Eyeing the strike zones marked in red—places to hit or kick if I had to engage a daimon in hand-to-hand combat—I pul ed my hair up into a messy twist. Aiden had al owed me to practice with the dummies a few times, probably because he’d gotten tired of me kicking him.
The first punch I threw knocked the dummy back an inch, maybe two. Blah. The second and third blows jarred it back a couple of more inches, but stil did nothing for me. The swirling blur of emotions pressed up within me, demanding I cave into it. Give in. Take Lucian up on his offer. Never risk facing Mom. Let someone else deal.
I stepped back, resting my hands on my thighs.
My mother was a daimon. As a half-blood I was obligated to kil her. As her daughter I was obligated to…
what? That answer had eluded me al weekend. What was I supposed to do?
Kill her. Run from her. Save her somehow.
A frustrated shriek escaped me as I swung my leg around and connected with the center of the dummy. It swung back a foot or two, and when it came rushing back at me, I attacked—swinging, punching, and kicking. My anger and disbelief grew with each explosion.
This wasn’t fair. None of this was.
Sweat poured off me, dampening my shirt until it clung to my skin and stray hairs stuck to the back of my neck. I couldn’t stop. The violence poured out of me, becoming a physical thing. I could taste the anger in the back of my throat—thick like bile and heavy. I tuned into it. I became it.
The rage flowed through me and into my movements until my kicks and jabs became so precise that, if the dummy had been a real person, she’d be dead. Only then was I satisfied. I stumbled back, wiping my hand over my forehead and turned around.
Aiden stood in the doorway.
He came forward, stopping in the center of the room and taking the same position he normal y did during our training sessions. He wore jeans, something I rarely saw him in.
Aiden didn’t say anything as he watched me. I didn’t know what he was thinking or why he was there. I didn’t care. Fury stil boiled within me. Somehow I imagined it was what being a daimon must feel like, like some kind of unseen force control ed my every move.
Out of control—I was out of control now. Without saying a word, I crossed the distance between us. A wary look flickered across his eyes.
There was no thought behind this, just overwhelming anger and raw hurt. I cocked back my arm and punched him right on the side of his jaw. Fierce pain exploded across my knuckles.
“Dammit!” I bent, bringing my hand back to my chest. I didn’t think it would hurt that much. Even worse was the fact I’d barely made an impact on him.
He turned back to me as if I hadn’t just punched him in the face and frowned. “Did that make you feel better?
Change anything for you?”
I straightened. “No! I’d like to do it again.”
“You wanna fight?” He stepped to the side, tipping his head down at me. “Then fight me.”
He didn’t have to ask me twice. I launched myself at him.
He blocked the first jab, but my anger made me quicker than he’d realized. The broad side of my arm slipped past his blocks, cutting him across the chest. It didn’t faze him—
not one freaking bit. But the pleasure spiked inside me, propel ing me forward. Burning with rage and another near feral emotion, I fought harder and better than I ever had in practice.
We circled each other, exchanging blows. Aiden didn’t go al out on me, and it only pissed me off. I attacked harder, moving him backwards across the mats. His eyes flared a dangerous silver as he caught my fist inches from connecting with his nose. Bad form to aim above the chest, but screw it.
“That’s enough.” Aiden pushed me back.
But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. I went to use one of the offensive moves he’d taught me days ago.
Aiden moved so he caught me midflight, bringing me down on the mat. Once he had me down he rocked back on his heels.
“I know you’re angry.” He wasn’t even out of breath. I, on the other hand, was gasping for air. “I know you’re confused and hurt. What you’re feeling is unimaginable.”
My chest rose and fel rapidly. I started to sit up, but he pushed me down with one hand. “Yes, I’m angry!”
“You have every right to be.”
“You should’ve told me!” The burning in my eyes increased. “Someone should’ve told me! If not Marcus, then you should have.”
He turned his head away. “You’re right.”
His softly spoken words didn’t ease me. I stil heard how he’d said he didn’t regret not tel ing me, that it was for the best. He lowered his hands to his thighs after a few moments.
Wrong move.
I reared off the mat, reaching for his silky hair. Total girl move, but somewhere along the way, I’d lost myself to the anger.
“Stop this!” He captured my wrists easily. Actual y, it was embar-rassing how quickly he subdued me. This time he pinned me to the mat. “Stop this, Alex,” he said again, much lower.
I threw my head back, ready to plant my foot somewhere when our eyes met. I did stop then, with his face inches from mine. The atmosphere changed as one of the wild emotions swirling through me managed to break free and rear its head.
His lean torso and legs pressed against mine in a way that made me think of other things—stuff that wasn’t fighting or kil ing, but did involve sweating, lots of sweating.
Breathing became difficult as we continued to stare at one another. His dark waves had fal en forward into his eyes.
He wasn’t moving, and I couldn’t even if I’d wanted to. I didn’t. Oh, gods, I didn’t want to move ever. I saw the moment he recognized the change in me. Something shifted in those eyes of his and his lips parted.
This was just a harmless, stupid crush. Even as I lifted my head, bringing my lips mere inches from his, I kept tel ing myself that. I didn’t want him. Not this badly—not more than anything I’d ever wanted in life.
I kissed him.
At first, it wasn’t much of a kiss. My lips just brushed his, and when he didn’t move away, I pushed harder. Aiden seemed too stunned to do much of anything for a few seconds. But then he released my wrists and his hands slid up my arms.
The kiss deepened, ful of passion and anger. There was also frustration, so much frustration. Then Aiden pressed down, and I wasn’t the one doing the kissing. His lips moved against mine, his fingers pressing into my skin.
After only a few seconds he broke off the kiss and sprung away from me.
From several feet away, Aiden crouched on the bal s of his feet. His heavy breathing fil ed the space between us.
Eyes wide, they’d dilated until they were almost black.
I sat up and scooted back. What I’d done made it through the thick haze clouding my thoughts. Not only had I punched a pure-blood in the face, I’d also kissed him. Oh… oh, man. My cheeks flushed; my entire body flushed.
Aiden stood slowly. “It’s al right.” His voice rasped.
“These things happen… when you’re feeling a lot of stress.”
These things happened? I didn’t think so. “I… can’t believe I did that.”
“It’s just stress.” He remained at a safe distance. “It’s okay, Alex.”
I jumped to my feet. “I think I should go now.”
He started forward then, but stopped short, wary of coming any closer. “Alex… it’s al right.”
“Yeah, damn stress thing, huh? Whoa. Okay. Everything is total y okay.” I backed up, looking everywhere but at him.
“I needed that—not the last thing! Or the thing when I punched you! But the things when I was… you know, working out my aggression… and stuff. Al right… see you tomorrow.” I fled from the room—from the entire building.
Outside in the thick humid night air, I smacked my forehead and groaned. “Oh, my gods.” Somewhere behind me a door opened, so I started down the pathway again.
I real y wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.
Shock and embarrassment didn’t adequately describe what I was feeling. Mortification was too lame of a word.
Maybe I could blame it on stress. I wanted to laugh, except I also wanted to cry.
Would I be able to live this one down? Gods, I couldn’t believe I’d actual y kissed him. Nor could I believe there’d been a moment where he’d kissed me back, that he’d pressed against me in a way that said he’d wanted it just as badly as I had. That had to have been a figment of my imagination.
I needed a new trainer. I needed a new trainer pronto.
There was no way I could ever face him again without keeling over and dying. No way at al and—
Someone stepped in front of me. I moved to the side to avoid whoever it was, but the person blocked me. Pissed I couldn’t sulk in privacy, I fired off without looking up. “Gods!
Get the hel out of my—” The words died on my lips.
The Apol yon stood in front of me.
“Wel , good evening to you.” His lips curled in a casual smile.
“Um… sorry, I didn’t see you.” Or feel him, which was weird considering both times I’d felt him before actual y laying eyes on him.
“Obviously. You were staring at the ground as if it had done something terrible to you.”
“Yeah, I’m kinda having a bad weekend… that just won’t die.” I sidestepped him, but he moved in front of me again.
“Excuse me.” I used possibly my sweetest voice ever. He was, after al , the Apol yon.
“Could I just have a few minutes of your time?”
I looked around the empty courtyard, knowing I couldn’t refuse him. “Sure, but I need to get back to my dorm soon.”
“Then I wil walk you there and we can talk.”
I nodded, having no freaking clue what he could possibly want to talk to me about. I motioned him forward wearily.