Crap, probably a bad comparison. “You are like the dog, Lyss. You’ve been so scared for so long that even though there isn’t any danger anymore, you still pretend there is, so you refuse to leave the box and experience anything. What do you think happens to the dog when it can’t get its food and water?”
“It dies.”
“Your soul isn’t meant to be in constant pain, Lyss.” I rubbed her head again and sighed. “Your heart isn’t meant to stay in pieces, and you sure as hell aren’t meant to mourn your dead boyfriend for the rest of your days.” She was silent for a really long time. I kept wondering if I screwed up, if I possibly pushed her too far.
Her knees cracked as she got up and held out her hand to me. “Will you stay the night?”
Seriously? I tried to keep my face from looking too shocked.
Tried, and failed as I felt my smile widen. “Yeah, that would be nice, but what about your parents?”
Alyssa went to her door and locked it. “They’d probably be so excited I was socializing with someone my own age that they’d feed you breakfast. But I’ll lock this just in case.”
I followed her to the bed and helped toss the pillows off.
Honestly, and I’d never admit this out loud, I was so freaking exhausted that I wasn’t really thinking about sex. I just wanted to hold her. I sighed. If Alec could see me now.
She turned off the lights and joined me in bed, tucking her head right underneath my chin. “Thanks, Demetri.”
“For what?” I wrapped my arm around her and closed my eyes.
“For saying no.”
Chapter Twenty-one
Alyssa
I woke up relaxed. I yawned and then stretched my arms above my head, accidently hitting something warm next to me.
“Thanks.” Demetri’s voice was deep and sexy with sleep. “I love getting hit in my sleep.”
I laughed groggily and nestled back into his arms, resting my head against his massive shoulder. “What time is it?”
“Time for more sleep,” he grumbled and then pulled me into his body so we fit perfectly together. His lips found my neck and soon I forgot all about sleep, all about anything except for the way he made me feel. Safe and loved.
“This your idea of sleep?” I moaned as his hands dipped beneath my shirt.
“Absolutely,” Demetri said between kisses. “The way I see it.” His teeth tugged at my ear. “Is if I say I’m sleeping right now, then I won’t get in trouble for doing this…” His hands cupped my butt, rocking me closer to him. Warmth spread through my body and then a knock came at the door.
“Shit.” Demetri sighed. “Sleep was just starting to get good.”
“Alyssa!” My dad shouted. “It’s time for work and you have group therapy tonight! Get up!”
Demetri laughed and tossed a pillow in my direction mimicking my dad’s words. Then he winked. “Your group leader says stay in bed. Don’t make me punish you.”
I blushed and shook my head at him before laughing.
“Alyssa? Is someone in there with you?”
Demetri looked at the door and froze. “Crap, is this the part where they break down the door and your dad chases me while I run down the street with no pants on?”
“Probably.” I shrugged happily.
“Cool. On that note…” He jumped out of bed giving me full view of his perfectly sculpted body. Damn his abs. With a seductive wink, one that made my insides turn to mush, he threw on his shirt and proceeded to shimmy — his words not mine — out the window and down to the ground.
“You sure that’s safe?” I whispered out to him.
“Nope.” Demetri laughed. “It’s an adventure. I’m an adventurous guy, just ask…” Lots of cursing followed as he slid, or technically fell, the last five feet to the ground.
I had unlocked my bedroom door when I’d got up to go to the restroom last night, which my dad just discovered as he pushed his way into my room and looked around suspiciously. Geez, you’d think he’d be encouraging me to socialize. Then again, having a guy in my bed probably wasn’t his idea of socializing — though it very well might be my new favorite thing.
I blushed as my dad’s eyes scanned the bed; the duvet was pushed away and fell onto the floor in a pool, and both pillows looked used. I blinked at him and waited for him to begin asking questions. Instead, he rubbed his head, saying something under his breath and then walked out of the room.
I exhaled in relief and texted Demetri.
COAST IS CLR.
He texted me back.
COME OUTSDE.
I threw on a long sleeve Henley over my tank top and ran down the stairs to find Demetri standing at my door.
“What are you doing?” My eyes scanned his bed hair and cocky grin as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and lifted his shoulders.
“I forgot something.”
I examined him further. He was wearing all his clothes.
“Not clothes,” he answered, reading my mind.
I squinted against the sun and lifted my hand to my forehead so I could see him clearly.”Okay, it’s too early to argue.
What did you lose and how can I help you find it?”
He took a step closer to me and then another and another until we were nearly chest to chest. My knees felt weak as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me full on the mouth. I fell into him, easily trapped by his magnetism.
“Your morning kiss,” he said pulling away. “Good morning, Alyssa.”
Okay, so I know swooning doesn’t really happen, but I could have sworn in that moment that my legs gave way, that my body swayed into his, and that I seriously saw fireworks go off in the sky as he bent and kissed my hand tenderly then jogged away.
“Who was that?” My dad said from behind me, scaring the crap out of my frozen moment in time.
“I, uh—” What was he? My boyfriend? No, that would be crazy, wouldn’t it? “He’s my good friend.”
“How old is he?” Dad crossed his arms and gazed out toward the street. Clearly he hadn’t seen Demetri’s face, otherwise he would have known exactly who he was talking about.
“Thirty,” I answered deadpan.
“What!” The tiny vein in my dad’s forehead looked like it was going to pop. Ah, it had been too long since I’d seen him show any sort of emotion except pity around me.
I slapped him on the back. “Don’t worry, Dad. I know what I’m doing. We’ve got a plan. First he’s going to move in here with us, you know to be smart and save money. And then we hope to get married and start a family, possibly build a second wing on the house. He just got out of jail, so it should be hard for him to find work, but hey, we have the taffy shop!”
“Thirty?” Dad repeated, obviously still stuck on the whole age thing.
I nodded.
“Wait. What?” Dad shook his head and then finally looked down at my face. I was grinning like an idiot.
Dad’s eyes narrowed. “Very funny.”
I sighed. “I sure thought so.”
“Great to see you’ve got your sense of humor back,” he grumbled then placed his hand over his chest. “I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”
“I keep you young.” I pointed my finger in his face and laughed again.
And that’s when my dad burst into tears.
“Dad!” I reached for him, but he stepped away from me and wiped his eyes. “I’ve been so damn worried about you, Alyssa.”
I sighed and reached for my dad’s hand. He took my hand then and pulled me into a hug. “I love you. I’ve just worried that…”
“Dad, I’m not going to kill myself.” My face was pressed against his chest so hard that my voice was muffled.
He exhaled a long, slow breath. I stepped back. “I know.”
He held my hands in his. “But you aren’t the same person you were a few years back. You used to smile.”
“I smile,” I said defensively.
“You rarely smile,” Dad pointed out. “You work longer hours than mom and I, and you don’t have any friends.”
Why did people keep reminding me I didn’t have friends? I nodded solemnly and shrugged. “I have Demetri now.”
“Do you think it’s smart to have only one friend who’s a boy? What about girls? Don’t girls need that sort of thing?”
“I have Mom.”
Dad rolled his eyes. “Family doesn’t count.”
“I met Nat Murray yesterday. She’s pretty cool. And I met Holly at group therapy. Maybe we can all hang out sometime.” I gave him a firm nod and then punched him in the shoulder. “Cheer up, Dad. I’m going to be fine.”
I walked slowly up the stairs to my dad saying “I can’t lose you again” under his breath.
The thing was, I didn’t want to get lost again either. I wanted to remember today, remember how it felt to be in Demetri’s arms. To tell him all my secrets and have him give it to me straight.
I should have been mad at him, but he was so brutally honest with me. More honest than anyone, Mrs. Murray included, had been about my situation. He called me selfish. ME! The girl who watched her boyfriend die as she tried to save his life.
I never thought of my grief as being selfish. In my own little world it was like this little trophy I kept in honor of Brady, in honor of his accomplishments and everything he was to me. It never once occurred to me that by holding on to him, I was selfishly holding onto my past and refusing to move on.
When I walked into my room, it hit me — a wave of reality.
My eyes scanned the area. The Justin Bieber poster was still on my door, Brady’s sweatshirt was on the floor. My pom-poms sat untouched in the corner, pictures of Brady and me littered one side of the room, and yearbooks sat at the foot of my bed.
My room was like a tomb, a memorial.
No wonder I hadn’t been able to let go.
I looked at my cell. I only had about an hour before work. It wasn’t much, but it was enough time to at least start what I should have done years ago.
Heal.
Chapter Twenty-two
Demetri
I sang as I walked back to my house. I’m not even ashamed to admit it. Sure, I got a few weird looks, but I didn’t care. Hell, they were getting a free concert as far as I was concerned. I mean, I know I hadn’t sung in front of people in a while, the taffy corner didn’t count, but I was still a rock star, right?
I did a little dance move as I jogged up to my door and belted out the last part of the song before spinning around in a circle.
The door opened wide, revealing a very stoic looking Bob.
“You high?”
“On life.” I nodded and lifted my hand for a high five.
Bob shook his head and shoved past me. “I’m going to run to the store. Think you can stay out of trouble for a few hours?”
I nodded. “My virtue will stay intact, this I swear. If any women scream and throw their bras at me, I promise to keep my pants on. If they touch me, I’ll scream rape.”
“Can’t rape the willing…” Bob smirked. “But I wasn’t talking about the women. Clearly you’ve been seeing Miss Alyssa again, if that giant smile is any indicator. I was talking about, you know… the stuff that came today.”