I grabbed the journal off the floor and threw it at his face. It missed him by a few feet. I started scrambling on the floor for something else to throw, something else that could cause him pain, make him hurt as much as I hurt.
I was on my hands and knees when it happened. When Demetri’s arms flew around me and held me close to his chest. I threw my elbows and legs all over the place, but he was unmovable.
Exhausted, I finally collapsed in his arms.
“I hate him so much.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
I don’t know how long we sat on the floor like that. Me in his arms, rocking back and forth. After a while my eyes grew heavy and I succumbed to the darkness.
Chapter Thirty-two
Demetri
A shitty day was just made worse. I walked — correction — I ran to Alyssa’s house, and now I was paying the price for staying up half the night with her while she cried in my arms.
I kissed her on the forehead before I left. I even tucked her in bed so she could rest.
It was a new day. Maybe things would start to get better?
As I turned the last corner that led me back to the boardwalk, a camera went off and then another and another until I was blinded by paparazzi.
“Demetri, you look terrible. Are you on drugs again?”
“Demetri! Did your girlfriend dump you?”
“Is the show canceled?”
“Where’s your brother?”
My mouth opened to give a snotty retort when I felt someone’s arm around my shoulders. I looked up to see Jaymeson grinning like a fool.
“Enough about AD2, let’s talk about me.” He pushed me slightly out of the way and directly into Nat’s arms.
I shook as she held me and walked me to where Alec was standing.
We walked in silence to the beach house. Nat kept holding me close to her as if trying to protect me from all the crazy people out there. And Alec, for once, didn’t joke about our relationship. He didn’t say one damn thing, though it looked like the next person who spoke was going to get punched in the face.
Finally, once we were in the safety of our own house, with Bob at the door like some sort of guard dog, Alec lost it.
“What the hell, Demetri? You were out all night! You weren’t answering you phone and you just disappeared! Nobody knew where you were.”
“Sorry.” I sighed in exhaustion.
“You look like shit, man.”
“Thanks,” I croaked.
“Where did you go?”
“To hell and back, thanks for asking. Do we have any coffee?”
Nat patted my hand. “I’ll run next door and get some. You guys ran out yesterday.”
The room fell silent except for Nat’s footsteps on the hardwood floor as she left our house and ran next door.
“I went to fix things with Alyssa.”
“And how’d that work out for you?”
“Does my shirt look like it has a rainbow on it? Are birds chirping in the distance and butterflies flapping around my head?”
“That sucks, bro.”
“Wow, you really need to learn how to give better advice.” I shook my head. “I’m just exhausted. I think I need five pounds of coffee and at least a few hours of sleep before I can talk about it.”
“Oh,” came Nat’s voice. I turned around to see not just her standing there but Mrs. Murray as well.
“Care to talk?”
“Care to medicate me?” I snapped.
“He’s tired,” Alec explained.
“Your choice, Demetri,” Mrs. Murray said.
Exhaustion finally hit the tipping point as I nodded my head. I couldn’t speak. I felt like I was stuck in a terrible nightmare, that at some point I’d wake up and Alyssa would be smiling again in my arms.
“Coffee and then we talk and then medication?” The words stumbled out in a slur.
Mrs. Murray smiled. “Yes to the first two, and no to the last.”
“A guy can try.”
**** A half hour later I was in Mrs. Murray’s office sitting on the floor. The coffee had woken me up a bit but not as much as I would have liked.
It felt weird to be sitting in the exact same spot I’d sat in every week and think about how much I’d changed.
When I first came to therapy I was a total ass.
Now I was a broken ass.
I wondered which was better?
I smirked at my own joke. Yup, completely exhausted.
“Something funny?” Mrs. Murray asked taking her seat.
“Life.”
“If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, am I right?”
I nodded in agreement. “I don’t really know what to say. I just spent the night holding the girl I love in my arms. Watching pain rip through her heart almost killed me.”
“I need you to know something, Demetri.” Mrs. Murray folded her hands across her lap and sighed. “I can’t be your therapist anymore.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you seriously trying to kill me?” I couldn’t believe she would drop this bomb on me after the night I’d had! I was ready to unleash on her when she joined me on the floor and then reached over and gave me a hug.
“I know your mom and dad are gone, Demetri. I know you and Alec are alone. Sometimes people don’t need therapy. They don’t even need to talk. They just need to be held. And you have nobody to hold you, no adult to tell you how proud they are of you. As your therapist I can tell you you’ve made great strides.”
She laughed and pulled away. “As Nat’s mother I want to tell you that I am so proud of the man you have become, and I know your parents would feel the same way. You are stronger than you’ll ever know, and you will get through this, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but each day as you heal, the pain will slowly dissipate and you’ll walk away from this feeling stronger than before. “You want to know what makes life so beautiful?”
I shook my head.
“Pain. Pain makes life beautiful, because if we never had pain, we’d never be forced to grow. You’ve been given your fair share of pain, some of it self-inflicted, some of it just bad luck. But as a therapist I have to believe there’s a reason for it, and as a mom I know everything happens for a reason. Your pain matches your destiny, and you, Demetri Daniels, have a great destiny.”
Unable to think of what to do I just stared at her and told myself that guys don’t cry and that I’d been doing too much of that lately.
After a few brief seconds I found my voice. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Oh, and you’re fired.”
“Finally.” Mrs. Murray winked. “You know you can talk to me anytime, but you’ve been more of a son to me than my client this last year.”
“Thanks for separating the two until I was ready.”
“I’m not a fan of overwhelming people just getting over drug addictions.”
“That reminds me.” I snapped my fingers. “You got those meds?”
“Go home, Demetri.”
I saluted her and walked out of the house feeling lighter than I’d felt in years. The pain was still there, but now it was a reminder of growth.
With a smile on my face I pulled out my phone and texted Alyssa.
GOOD MRNING BEAUTIFUL! HW WAS UR NIGHT?
MINE WAS HORRIBLE EVEN WITH YOU BY MY SIDE. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. WHN UR READY U CAN FIND ME ON THE CORNER W MY BUCKET.
Chapter Thirty-three
Alyssa
The buzz from my phone woke me out of a dead sleep. I reached next to me expecting Demetri to still be there, but he was gone.
Rejection washed over me all over again. It was safe to say I was past the angry stage and heading into the depths of depression. My phone went off again.
I found it on the nightstand. Once my eyes adjusted I noticed it was from Demetri.
Being dehydrated from crying all night, I didn’t think I had any moisture left in my body, but wonder of all wonders a warm tear slipped down my cheek onto my phone when I saw his message.
Stupid taffy bucket. I should hide the thing. That would freak him out.
I couldn’t reply, not yet. Everything was still so fresh in my mind. I walked slowly to my bathroom and started the shower, replaying all the drama of the day before in my head.
After my shower, I made my way downstairs and started to pour myself a bowl of cereal, when the doorbell rang.
I knew my parents were most likely already at the store. I shuffled over to the door and pulled it open.
Holly was waiting on the other side. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was still wearing the same clothes from last night. And I thought I had it rough last night — at least I’d showered.
“Can I come in?” she asked in a small voice. “I know you probably hate me right now, but I really need to talk to you about everything that happened.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the gory details. I mean, technically I was more pissed at Brady than at her, and poor Demetri had somehow been dropped smack dab in the middle of our small town drama, but still. I was too tired of fighting everything. I opened the door wider and let her in.
We walked in silence to the living room and sat down on the couch.
“Your house is nice.” Holly’s wrung her hands in her lap. I could tell she was nervous because she’d already commented on my house the day before when she helped me get ready for Demetri’s party. Gosh, that felt like a lifetime ago. Her eyes closed and when she opened them back up again I knew this was probably harder for her to do than for me. After all, she’d carried this burden throughout Brady’s death.
“I was so angry at Aaron that night. We’d gotten into another fight about something stupid. Weird, right? I can’t even remember what we fought about. What was so important that I felt the need to throw my life away in the span of ten minutes?”
I swallowed the emotion in my throat and grabbed her hand.
“We always hung out at the same parties. We weren’t exactly friends, but it was no secret how much he liked you, Alyssa.
That night he’d been drinking a lot. I mean, we all had. You don’t need the details. Just know that I’m pretty sure if you would have asked him his name at the time, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you a damn thing. The guy was wasted. He kept saying your name over and over again once everything was done. I tried to console him, but he just kept staring at his phone, staring at a picture of you two.”
“He called me,” I said hoarsely. “To come pick him up.”
“I know.” Holly smiled. “I saw him stumble outside and wait for you. I was too drunk to remember much, but know that the look on his face was something I’ll never forget. He loved you, Alyssa.”
I sighed. “Does real love cheat?”
Holly was quiet for a minute. “I honestly don’t know.”
“He wanted forever, but sometimes I wonder if I was enough to fit into his picture of a lifetime.”
Holly wiped a stray tear. “I should have told you. It’s just after everything that happened… I lost the baby the same day we lost him. I just… I wanted to forget it all, Alyssa. Can you understand that? I felt so horrible and I carried it everywhere with me. I just… I don’t know. In the end I was selfish and I was afraid of losing Aaron too.”