“I don’t know if I want you to.” Taylor was just as shocked as Travis by the words that came from her mouth.
“Last night . . .” He shook his head as if to clear it.
“I’m scared, Travis.” He would never know how much it cost her to admit that to him.
“We all get scared. That’s not a good enough reason to fight something as powerful as what the two of us share.”
His eyes bored into hers, and the rest of their breakfast was completely forgotten. She almost wished he would just stand up, walk around the table, and take the choice away from her. She didn’t want to think any longer. She just wanted to feel something other than sadness, fear, and anxiety, something other than pain.
She had no doubt that being in Travis’s arms would take her to the highest reaches of joy. But then, when she came back down to earth, wouldn’t the crash be so much worse?
“I . . . I . . . don’t know, Travis.” She was struggling to work through her confusion.
“I’m not going to push you, Taylor. I’m going to be your friend. I’m going to listen to you, and I’m going to wait, because you’re worth waiting for.”
“Who says stuff like that?” she gasped. “It has to be a line, just like the sand and the cement.”
“Even then it wasn’t a line. Even when I make mistakes, what I say is one hundred percent real. When I look at you, I picture forever. You’re not just some weekend girl, or someone to hide away. I want you on my arm, Taylor. I have for a long time, but now I’m not letting guilt stop me.”
He didn’t allow her to look away. The control in his eyes, the confidence, the sureness, made it impossible for her to turn from him. Her mind whirled, and her heart beat erratically. Could it really be that simple?
“How do you know that? How can you be so sure?”
“I know what I want, and what I want is you.”
“But what if . . .” She didn’t know how to complete that sentence.
“There are always what-ifs, Taylor. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have faith in ourselves, in our abilities to know what we really want and then go after it.”
She remained torn. Her heart insisted that she accept what he was offering, but her mind told her that it could never work.
“What if all of this goes badly? It isn’t as if either of us can just walk away and never see each other again. You are my brother’s best friend. You’ll be there on holidays, at the house at the most unexpected times. We would never be able to walk away from each other, always have this thrown in our faces.” She didn’t add that he would be a constant reminder of what could have been, and she’d suffer for the rest of her life because of it.
“I can’t promise nothing bad will ever happen. But to not even try is ridiculous.” He couldn’t counter her argument.
“I don’t think I can do this, Travis.” She wasn’t trying to hurt him. She was being more honest with him than she’d ever been before.
“You will allow yourself to let go, Taylor,” he said with a sure smile. “I know it. And I’ll be right here when that moment happens.”
She had a feeling he was right. Why keep fighting? She was so tempted to stand up and walk around the table, to fall into his arms. She couldn’t fathom what held her back now, but she had no doubt at all that the two of them weren’t finished yet.
She simply had no idea what the next chapter of their story would be. As if knowing the struggle she was going through, Travis stood and walked around the small table, then kneeled in front of her.
“I’m letting you off the hook for this moment, not because I’m weak, and not because I don’t want you, but because I will not allow you to use our lovemaking as an excuse to run from me. When we come together, you won’t have a single regret,” he said, rubbing a finger along her cheek.
“How can you be so casual, so accepting, when I’m acting crazy? Most guys would run like hell.”
“I’m not like most guys. I’m one of a kind.” Winking at her, he stood and pulled her up, drawing her into his arms.
Taylor didn’t try to resist. She leaned against him and accepted the comfort he was so willing to give. Yes, she was in love with this man. But she couldn’t answer one crucial question right now: Was love enough?
The sound of the fire crackling was their music as Taylor and Travis sat together on the couch, her head resting against his shoulder while he caressed her back, at once comforting her and also filling her with need.
Their day had been another good one. They’d walked to the pond, swum, talked, laughed, and, to her mind at least, grown closer together. Still, she hadn’t really opened up to him.
“Come on, Taylor. I’ve shared war stories with you. Don’t you think you can share some of your racing career with me?” he said, his hand almost mesmerizing as it caressed her skin.
“You’ll judge me,” she said. Everyone did when they knew the full truth.
“I swear to simply sit and listen. No judgment of any kind,” he said, even holding his hand up in the scout’s honor pledge.
“Fine, but . . .”
“I said I swear.” He seemed irritated that she was making him repeat himself. Well, she would get irritated if he didn’t keep his word.
“I’ve been in several accidents over the years, Travis, most of them without my parents knowing,” she told him. “They know my occupation is dangerous. They know the risks, but they also know they can’t keep me from it, so they don’t harp as much as they used to. If my mother really knew all the stuff that can¸ and sometimes does, go wrong, she’d tie me up in the basement and never let me race again.” She ended with a laugh.