“What accidents?”
Though he was trying to seem nonchalant, she could hear the strain in his voice. This was why she didn’t talk about it. She didn’t want her family making her feel guilty for doing what she loved.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve had a head injury,” she said reluctantly, though she wanted to kick herself for saying it when she felt his shoulder tense beneath her head.
“Taylor . . .” There was a note of warning in his tone.
“You said you would just listen, Travis. You promised not to make rash judgments or try to make me feel guilty.”
“Yeah. I did make that promise, but when you’re putting your life in danger . . .”
“And isn’t that what you did every single day you were fighting a war thousands of miles away from home? It’s so easy for you to judge me, and for my parents, and for my brothers, but you and my brothers lead lives that are just as dangerous, and no one is trying to get you to stop.”
This was the same argument she’d had with her mother a million times, and she just had no patience left when it came to this topic.
“The difference is that I was serving my country, that I wasn’t told that if I fall one more time, I very well could die.”
“You might not have been told that, Travis, but every single time you stepped out onto a battlefield—or anywhere, really—you could have ended your life, and you almost did with that IED. To me, that’s no different than my getting back on a bike. You tell me what’s more dangerous, because a hell of a lot more soldiers come home in caskets than dirt-bike racers.”
Taylor knew she was letting her temper get the better of her, but once she got on a roll, there was no stopping her.
“The difference is that I was fighting for something I believed in. I was helping others. What you’re doing is for yourself. I get that. But when it comes to a point that you can have a small accident and die, that’s when you have to let it go.”
“You’re wrong, Travis,” she said, trying to pull away from him, but his arm tightened around her.
“It’s easy to say I’m wrong, but you have to listen to your doctors. If they advise against racing, then that’s what you have to do.”
“I still have another appointment that will either clear me or not. And it will clear me. Besides, they don’t know me. They don’t know what I’m capable of!”
“Bullshit, Taylor.” His voice was still calm, but his words pierced her anyway.
“You’re only being this way because I’m a girl, right? Because women need to be told what to do,” she practically snarled.
“You can go on and on about its being because you’re a woman, but if it was a male friend of mine who had the same diagnosis, I’d advise him to quit as well.”
“See, Travis! Right there,” she practically shouted. “You would advise him to quit, not demand it.”
“I’m not demanding it of you, Taylor. No one can demand anything. You’re an adult, and not only that, you’re intelligent, and brave, and wonderful. You can make your own choices. As a friend, and hopefully soon as your lover, I’m saying that I care about you, that I want to see you live a long life, and that if the doctors were telling me that I shouldn’t race anymore, I would sure as hell listen. Of course, I didn’t have any choice after I was injured.”
“But if you had a choice, you would go back, wouldn’t you? Even if it could cost you your life? Don’t lie to me!”
“Of course I would go back. I was serving my country,” he said, his own cool slightly unraveling.
“And just because you think that’s more important doesn’t mean that I do. I don’t want to belittle the military. I have great respect for our men and women in uniform. I’m just saying that I’m as passionate about the racing world as you are about the military.”
He was silent for a few moments and she allowed the silence. They were navigating in some rough waters right now, and the next words could end them before they’d even had a chance to see where they were going. Wasn’t this why she was leery, though? Then why was her heart aching so badly? Was not making love to him even helping?
“Are you passionate about racing, or passionate about the world of racing?”
Taylor was confused by his words, didn’t understand what he was saying to her now. “I don’t know what else to do if I don’t race,” she said, her vulnerability coming through loud and clear, making her cringe.
“Just think about it, Taylor. Think about what is important to you, and how you can have your needs met. I had to do that when I couldn’t be a soldier anymore. That’s the path you have to find. And you will. It just takes time.”
“What are you going to do with your life?” she asked, needing to change the subject.
She held her breath and waited to see if he would allow the change in topic. When he spoke, she let it out. “I was talking to Bryson before coming out here, and the more I think about it, the more excited I become. I think I’m opening up an investigation agency.”
“Like chasing after cheating exes?”
“No, though that could be fun,” he said with a laugh. “I would take government contracts and investigate possible threats on U.S. grounds. I have contacts and business partners who are more than willing to go in on this with me.”
“Wow. Isn’t that dangerous?”
“Yes, it is, as a matter of fact.”
And she was instantly angry again. “Ugh. It’s okay for you and Bryson to fight terrorists, but not okay for me to ride a bike.”