“Sometimes I don’t know what you’re expecting from me.”
“I don’t either. But you’re no longer a spring chicken, unlike the children you coach, so I guess I should cut you some slack. Midlife crises can be the worst, I’m told.”
“Coach, coach, we’re waiting for you,” one of the boys said, coming up and tugging on his shirt.
“We’re heading out, Leo. Load up on the bus.” The kid followed the rest of the team and then Elena was alone with Tyler.
“Would you like to join us?” he said.
So the guy had some balls, and the offer was tempting. But Elena decided that she’d been overloaded enough for one day. Maybe next time she would go. But if she kept doing these sort of activities with him, she really would believe they were in a real relationship. That would prove bad to her mental health.
“I need to work on some notes at home. You go enjoy your team,” she said, turning to leave.
He grabbed her arm and stopped her movement. Elena looked up at him warily.
“Why are you here, Elena?”
“I wanted to see you coach,” she told him.
“Why?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“What made you want to see me coach?” he asked.
“I’m just trying to figure you out.”
“Have you yet?”
There was a long moment of silence, too long, since he really did need to get going.
“No,” she told him.
“Maybe you should try harder.”
“And maybe you should do the same favor for me. How hard have you been trying … other than in bed?”
“I’d be trying hard now if I could.” With that, he turned and walked away from her.
Elena moved to her car and waited a while to start it. Tears were suddenly pressing against her eyes. There was no doubt she was in love with this guy. Maybe if she stopped fighting that feeling, she could find a fraction of happiness with him, even if it only lasted a few days, weeks or months.
Wasn’t it better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all?
Chapter Thirty-One
Walking through the same garden where she’d made love to Tyler the month before, Elena wondered why she would want to torture herself by returning to this place.
“You’ve been quiet for an awfully long time,” Piper told her.
“I know. I’m trying to gather my thoughts, trying to figure out how to tell you what I need to tell you. Nothing’s easy anymore.”
“You know you can tell me anything, Elena. That’s what best friends are for. We’re supposed to talk to each other, share, and be there with a shoulder to lean on. Yeah, okay, that’s all trite crap from self-help books, and I’m ashamed that I even said it. But what do you expect from a librarian?”
“I’ve messed up, really messed up.”
“Okay, Elena, you have to tell me what in the world is going on,” Piper said insistently.
“I’m pregnant.”
Elena’s words were followed by a long silence. The two of them stopped on the trail they’d been walking down.
“How far along?” Piper asked.
“Probably about a month. I think this is the place I actually got pregnant,” Elena said with a sad sigh.
“You got pregnant in a public park?” she said, sounding just the slightest bit jealous.
“It was spectacular sex, but as with all good things, there are consequences.”
“Do you want to keep the child?” Piper asked.
“There’s no question about that. I’ve been scared, but I already feel a connection with the child growing inside me.”
“Have you told Tyler?”
Of course her friend didn’t bother to ask who the father was. Neither of them were kind of women who’d have any doubt about parentage. They didn’t screw around.
“No. I don’t know how to tell him.”
“But you will tell him, won’t you?”
“Yes. He has a right to know,” Elena said. “But I’m worried. We’ve never talked about feelings. Yes, he makes these over-the top statements. I belong to him, and he desires me. Serious, no? That’s the extent of it. We can’t raise a child together just because our sex life is spectacular.”
“No. You can’t get married because of a child. You might have a few months or even a few years together where everything is okay, but if you aren’t in love, then eventually you’ll grow to hate him, and he’ll hate you. That’s not good for either you or the child.”
“I do love him,” Elena said quietly.
“I know you do,” Piper said, while placing her arm around her. “Does he love you?”
“I don’t think so. I know he wants me. I know he appreciates me. And I even know he’s not the monster I once thought he was. But I don’t think love factors into his basic set of emotions.”
“He loves his brothers, doesn’t he?” Piper asked.
“Yes, I believe he does,” Elena told her.
“Then we know he’s capable of love. Maybe you should just come out with it and tell him that you love him.”
“I can’t do that,” The very thought of it made Elena’s heart race.
“Would you rather always wonder what could have been,” Piper said, “or would you rather dive in with both feet forward?”
“I think we’ve already dived in with both feet. I’m carrying his child,” Elena told her.
“Yeah, that’s true. But anyone can make a baby together. To spend a lifetime with another human being takes a special kind of magic. You have to tell him how you feel or you know you’ll always regret holding back. You need to know how he feels about you before you tell him about the baby or you’ll also always wonder.”