“When did you get so dang smart,” Elena asked her friend.
“I read a lot,” Piper told her with a laugh.
“I guess that’s an occupational hazard.”
Joking with her friend helped lift her spirits, but only marginally. She had to tell Tyler the truth, had to share with him that they’d created a child. But she was still terrified.
“Why don’t we spoil ourselves at the day spa, then have a wonderful dinner and make some baby plans. If you focus on the miracle you have growing inside of you, you can’t possibly be stressed,” Piper said as she switched directions and dragged her best friend along with her.
“I haven’t had a lot of time to focus on the miracle of being pregnant,” Elena told her as her hand trailed to her flat stomach. “I’m going to be a mom.”
Terror and warmth both filled her at the thought.
“And I’m going to be an honorary aunt. It’s certainly a day to celebrate.”
“I’m glad I told you,” Elena said as they reached their car.
“I’d be crushed if you hadn’t told me.”
She didn’t know how she was going to talk to Tyler, but at least she’d never be alone, not with her best friend right there by her side.
Chapter Thirty-Two
You’ve been unusually quiet this evening.”
Elena sat across from Tyler in his living room and smiled, though it took a lot of effort to do. “I just don’t feel all that well,” she told him.
“You’ve been quiet all week,” he said. “Why?”
“I just have a lot on my mind right now. It’s no big deal.”
“I’ve discovered its best to let you speak when you’re ready. I’ll let you tell me about it when you’re ready.”
Several long moments passed where only the sound of the antique clock ticking could be heard. Drawing her knees up, she clutched her legs to her chest, a protective gesture. She’d been in this room several times, but as she looked around it now, she felt as if she didn’t really belong here.
Her eyes focused on a picture and she vaguely remembered the couple with three young boys in front of them.
“Did you love your care providers?” she asked.
Tyler looked over to the picture that had drawn her attention. He seemed to be thinking over what he wanted to say.
“They were very good to us,” he finally told her.
“So you didn’t love them? You just appreciated that they were good guardians?”
“No. I wouldn’t say that. If I had to pinpoint it, I think they taught me what love really was. They loved each other so much that when Vivian died a few years ago, Bill was devastated. It made me wonder if I would ever want to put myself through that.”
“Put yourself through what?” She was so fascinated with what he’d just said that she loosened her grip on her legs.
“Through the pain of loving and losing someone.”
“Without risk, Tyler, there’s no real life to be led.”
“There are different levels of risk, Elena. I think it’s one of the reasons I sought adventure for so long. I enjoyed the risk, the excitement of my life. I just found that after a while, even seeking thrills became boring.”
“Then what exactly are you looking for?”
“Why all of these questions, Elena?”
“I’m just trying to understand you a little more,” she told him. “What made you believe that your guardians were so in love?”
He was thoughtful for a moment as he gazed at the picture of what looked to her like a perfect family. Three smiling boys with a couple most would assume to be their grandparents.
A truly loving family had been everything she’d always wanted.
Yes, she knew how hard it had been for the young boys, and how hard it still must be for them with their tragic family history. But that picture still left her with a sense of longing in her heart. At least the brothers had had people to replace their lost parents, whereas her father had left when she was very young, and no other family was around to fill the gap. If she thought she would get that fulfillment from Tyler she was very wrong. But for some reason she was still looking for it in him.
“I guess it was the way he touched her. There was no thought to it — just instinct and true affection. He was simply driven to seek her out no matter where they were. He could be talking to someone, to anyone, but he just knew the moment she approached. He would move slightly, his hand fluttering to her side, his leg brushing hers. It was subtle and it was intimate.”
“You noticed this at such a young age?” she asked with surprise. “That sounds pretty romantic for a young boy.”
“It was my brother Blake who pointed it out. But I was pretty observant even that long ago. I just liked to watch people and how they interacted. I don’t know why.”
“Do you still like to do that? Watch people, I mean.”
“Yes. I still try to figure out people’s stories. Everyone has one, you know.”
“Yes, I agree with that. I am quickly learning in life and in my career that everything isn’t always as it seems. There’s so much beneath the layers of protection that people build around themselves.”
“What layers do you have protecting you, Elena?”
This made her pause. Should she be completely honest with this man? He sometimes appeared to be opening up to her. Okay, she’d try.
“I don’t want to be hurt. I’ve had my ups and downs in life like everyone else. I have abandonment issues — excuse the psychobabble — as most children do who lose a parent at an early age, and I’ve never fallen in love before, though it’s something I want. It would be wonderful to have someone touch me without thinking, to need me so much”