To me, he’s worth every loud moment, every peaceful silence, the crazy and the sad, the restless and the quiet. I would trade it all to be with him, but I have a feeling there will be no price for my mom. She’ll keep us apart at any cost.
I feel it in my bones like a bad, bad omen.
30
RYKE MEADOWS
“What the f**k is Rose hiding?” I snap at Lily on the phone. I decided to call her while I wait for Daisy to finish sorting through her belongings.
Daisy looks up at me with a plastic baggy in her hand and then points to a cashier’s window, standing in the line.
I nod to her and listen to Lily’s response. I’m not expecting much.
“Like I told Lo, I’ve made this pact with Rose not to talk about it, like a Ya-Ya Sisterhood thing, and I can’t go back on my word. And just so you know, Rose is scary. She took out a knife and was saying something about blood oaths, and before I knew it, she slit my palm.” Her voice lowers, almost comically that it’s hard to take her serious. But she is. “And this comes from a girl who cannot walk on the hardwood without shoes. You don’t have to say anything, it surprised me too.”
I roll my eyes. “Lily,” I say forcefully. “If it’s something serious, you need to tell my brother.”
“The pact,” Lily hisses. “What if Rose put a curse on me? I can’t say anything.”
“You can’t be that f**king superstitious.”
“Rose might as well be a supernatural force when she’s upset. You haven’t seen her truly angry, so you can’t say anything.”
“I’ve seen her so f**king pissed that she almost tased my brother, how’s that?”
“This is a different kind of upset,” Lily says. “We’re handling this, okay? I think it’s good that Lo is with you, and I’m here with Rose for a little bit.”
I frown, never thinking I’d hear Lily say that. She’s usually glued to my brother’s side and vice versa. “You’re really okay without him?”
Silence stretches before she says, “I mean, I miss him a lot more than I can articulate. It hurts without him here. But I’m better than I was when he first left for rehab. I’m at a better place.”
“I know you are,” I tell her. Back then, she was almost in tears every time I called her. It was kind of f**king pathetic, but I didn’t understand their relationship. I didn’t understand that kind of unconditional love. And then Daisy left, and I felt out of my f**king mind for three days. I yelled at Lily for bitching after only seven days without Lo, so who’s the hypocrite now?
“We’re meeting you in two weeks right?” Lily asks. “It won’t be too long.”
“You sure you want to keep it a f**king surprise from Daisy?” I ask. Rose has been calling me non-fucking-stop, trying to find ways to see Daisy without upsetting her. I told them that they should just meet us on the road, but to wait until her face heals a little. They agreed.
“She likes surprises,” Lily says. “Otherwise, we would have told her.”
She’s right about that. “Just don’t come early. I can’t spend thirty days in a car with all of you. Eighteen is already too f**king much.”
“Weren’t you the one who wanted to start the road trip in New York?”
I groan in agitation. “You’re annoying me, Calloway.”
“All I’m saying is that you could have picked a closer place to California, and then we wouldn’t have to be in a car for so long.”
“That defeats the f**king point of a road trip. If it was up to you and Rose, we would have started in California.”
She pauses and then says, “Now that sounds like a good idea.”
I roll my eyes again. I let out a deep sigh. “Can you promise me something?” I ask her.
“That depends. Does it involve breaking a promise to my sister that will unleash her diabolical wrath?”
“Promise me that whatever it is, you’ll be f**king safe. And be careful on your way out to us. My brother can’t live without you. I’m expendable, you aren’t.”
“You can’t honestly think that about yourself,” she says softly.
“Just promise me, Lily.”
“I promise, but Ryke—he needs you. You’re his brother.”
I shake my head. To Lo, I’m equal to Connor. We met Lo at nearly the same f**king time. In fact, Connor has some months on me. For f**k’s sake, Lo made us flip a coin to determine who would be his best man at his wedding. I didn’t get it by f**king default because I’m related to him. In less than a year, I’ll be standing by his side as he’s about to get married, all because of luck.
A flip of a coin.
He can so easily push me out of his life, and the only reason I’m still here is because I refuse to go, no matter how hard he shoves.
But Daisy…I know in my heart she’s something that can drive me away from him. I’m going to fight against the moment, but I also mentally prepare for it. “Sure,” I tell her. “Listen, do whatever Yada Sisterhood thing—”
“Ya-Ya,” she corrects me.
“Whatever,” I say. “Just don’t let Rose f**king cut you. Stick up for yourself.”
“Is that what you’ve been telling my little sister?” she asks, flipping the switch.
“I tell her a lot of f**king things,” I say. “And yeah, that’s one of them.”
“Good,” Lily says. I can practically see her nod with resoluteness, in this goofy f**king way.
“Are you wearing an animal on your f**king head?” I ask her.
“You know what it’s called.”
“No I don’t.”
“It’s a Wampa cap.”
“That Star Trek shit?” I say, knowing that it’s Star Wars. I like to give her a hard time.
“Star Wars. Lo would kick you for that.”
“Good thing he’s not f**king around.” My brother, a f**king comic book geek with looks that could murder and simultaneously melt women. It’s so f**king weird. Who would have thought? Nine years ago, not me.
There’s a long pause before she asks, “How is she doing?”
I glance at Daisy who rocks on her feet, antsy as she stands in one place for so long. Her bandaged cheek is on the other side. The only marks visible are the bruises beneath her eyes. I remember her smile as she came, her laugh and the genuine happiness that blanketed over her. I wish this bad f**king thing didn’t have to happen for her to make these hard decisions about modeling, but I am glad she’s finally made them.
“She’s going to be okay,” I tell Lily. “She looks good.” She looks f**king beautiful.
“Thank you, for what you did,” Lily says. “We all appreciate it, you know.”
I don’t pick my words that carefully. I just f**king say them. “I’d do anything for her.”
“Is it different this time?” she asks me.
“What do you mean?”
“In Cancun a couple years ago, you kind of saved Daisy back then too. I just wondered if you feel differently now.” What is she getting at?
“Say it f**king bluntly or don’t say it at all.”
She sighs. “Why do you have to be so mean?”
“I didn’t think I was,” I snap.