“Do you like her more now than you did then?” she says straight out.
“She was only sixteen back then,” I tell her. “I didn’t hang out with her that much.” The truth is way more complicated than that.
“Just say it bluntly or don’t say it at all,” Lily rebuts, with ten times less force than me.
I almost smile. “She means a f**king lot to me, Calloway.” It’s still not much better but it seems to appease Lily.
“Have you told this to Lo?” she asks.
“What would it f**king matter? He sees what he wants to see.” I’m the intruder, the f**king guy he opened his arms to, the guy he let in his life. If I stick my c**k anywhere near Daisy, he will be affronted as though I f**ked with his family, his friends, his world.
“He sees what you give him,” Lily says softly, “and you’re not giving him a lot to work with, Ryke.”
I run my hand through my hair and sigh. I’m so f**king scared to open up about my history with my own brother. That’s the f**king truth. I did wrong by him for so long, and if I start talking about it, I feel like I’ll just push him away more. I’ll give him no reason to be close to me. I have years of hate underneath my belt, no f**king love.
So why express that? What f**king good will that do?
I just want to forget it all and move on.
Daisy reaches the front of the line.
“I have to go,” I tell Lily.
“Was she happy that she’s able to go with you guys to California?” she asks before we hang up.
“Yeah,” I say, my chest rising with the f**king fact. “I’ll keep her safe.”
“You be safe,” Lily emphasizes. “You’re the one climbing. I’m packing a first-aid kit, just in case you fall, so you know.”
“Your f**king Band-Aid isn’t going to save me.”
“Wolverine is printed on the front. He can save anyone.”
I roll my eyes for the fifth time it feels like. “Let’s just hope we all make it there in one piece.”
Daisy starts walking over to me.
“Gotta go.”
“Bye.” We hang up, and I slide my arm over Daisy’s shoulder and carry her duffel. Mikey is going to stay in France for another two weeks as vacation, hopefully distracting the paparazzi and leading them off our trail. For the first time in a while, we should be free of the media.
“You ready for a f**king adventure, sweetheart?” I ask her.
She hugs me close and says, “Does this adventure contain cupcakes, Ryke Meadows and motorcycles?”
“Substitute the last one for a f**king rental car.”
She smiles. “I’m ready for this awfully big adventure then.” She pauses and adds, “With you.”
I kiss her temple.
30 days until Yosemite.
The f**king countdown begins.
31
RYKE MEADOWS
Seven days into the road trip, and I’m already fighting with my brother.
“Do you know how f**king inappropriate you are?” Lo is half-turned around in the front seat of the SUV, his jaw clenching as he lays into me. The surprising f**king bit of all this: it’s not even about Daisy.
It’s about Lily.
His f**king fiancée.
“I’m pretty f**king inappropriate,” I admit with a shrug. “I thought we all already knew that. So why are you hounding me about this?”
Lo gives me a look like are you serious? “You can’t talk about that shit with her. She’s a f**king sex addict.”
Connor’s eyes flicker to me in the rearview mirror, his hands tight on the steering wheel. Whether he sides with Lo or me, he doesn’t let on. Daisy twists her hair into a long braid beside me.
I groan loudly. “She’s so embarrassed to talk about sex. I was doing her a f**king favor, and secondly, I don’t know why you’re yelling at me now. This conversation happened months ago.” Thanks, Lil, for bringing it up right now. When I’m in a confined space for f**king hours with my brother.
Lily and I talk often, but I don’t remember how we arrived onto the topic about public sex, maybe because she mentioned how she missed it. It’s one of her restrictions now that she’s in recovery. I was sitting on their couch, waiting for Lo to change for the gym, and I asked her all the places she’s done it.
Her face flushed red and she stumbled for answers. I thought it’d make her more comfortable if I listed my sexual f**king adventures.
Beaches.
Bathrooms.
Golf courses.
Woods.
Parking lots.
Elevators.
Parks.
Malls.
Gym locker rooms.
The list really just goes on and f**king on. I like screwing everywhere, especially outside. Lily started to open up a little bit. It wasn’t my f**king intention to share our sexual exploits with each other, but I just wanted to make her feel less ashamed about her sex life. So f**k me.
She told me she had sex with Lo in a movie theatre once. And how she did it at an amusement park when she was eighteen, on the f**king Ferris wheel.
My first thought: I have to give her some credit for that one. It sounded f**king fun.
And then she told me it was with a random guy she met at the cotton candy booth.
My insides kind of twisted. For her. For my brother. I wish she could have just enjoyed sex like me, but instead it was something else entirely for her. Something darker.
“I appreciate you trying to make her comfortable,” Lo says in a way that sounds like he really doesn’t appreciate it. “But for Christ’s sake, she’s texting me to clarify public sex to her.” He shakes his head and looks down at his phone and reads her text. “Is tent sex considered public sex, if the tent is owned by us? Because some people live in tents. Therefore that would be a house, and a house isn’t public, it’s private. Therefore, tent sex is private sex.”
Connor tries really hard not to make a sound (at least I think he does) but he ends up bursting into laughter.
“I know,” Lo says. “It’s insane. It’s like reading a text from someone trying to convince you that coc**ne isn’t a drug.”
“And how do you know this is my f**king fault?”
Lo raises his brows. “Because I told her that it’s public sex and she immediately responded with: Ryke has a lot of public sex. Maybe he’s a sex addict.” He looks up to me. “And then we had a long f**king talk about the conversation you had with her.”
Daisy eyes me with a grin. “You like public sex? Like in grocery stores?”
“Yeah, right in front of the f**king cantaloupes and produce,” I deadpan.
“I prefer to do it in front of the baking goods. Chocolates chips. Cake mix.” Her smile grows.
Lo looks between us. “No,” he says sharply. “Don’t even go there.” His eyes land on Daisy. “And don’t have sex in public. It’s f**king gross.”
“Hey,” I cut in. “Let her do what she wants.”
“Yeah, sure, get arrested, Dais,” Lo tells her. “Or better yet, screw in a grocery store and then some cashier will be peeking in from the aisle over and film you on his cellphone. Great story to tell the world.”
I expect another sarcastic comment from her, but instead, her face turns serious. “Do you think it’s gross that Lily has had public sex?”
Lo’s face contorts and he starts shaking his head. “Of course not. She’s not gross.”