“What else?” Sadie is shrieking at Josh, drowning out Marie. “What else?”
“She used to litter the bathroom with her creams and crap.” Josh frowns distantly at the memory. “Every time I tried to shave I had to fight through this thicket of pots. It drove me mad.”
“What a pain!” says Marie, overbrightly. “Anyway-”
“It was the little things. Like the way she used to sing in the shower. I mean, I don’t mind singing, but the same song every bloody day? And she didn’t want to open her mind. She’s not interested in traveling, not interested in the same things as me… Like, I once bought her this book of William Eggleston photography; I thought we could talk about it or whatever. But she just flipped through with zero interest-” Josh suddenly notices Marie, whose face has almost seized up with the effort of listening politely. “Shit. Marie. I’m sorry!” He rubs his face with both hands. “I don’t know why Lara keeps popping into my head. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Yes, let’s do that.” Marie smiles stiffly. “I was going to tell you about my client, the really demanding one from Seattle? You remember?”
“Of course I remember!” He reaches for his wine-then seems to change his mind and picks up his glass of fizzy water instead.
“Soup? Excuse me, miss, didn’t you order the soup? Excuse me?”
Suddenly I realize a waiter is standing by my table with a tray of soup and bread. I have no idea how long he’s been trying to get my attention.
“Oh, right,” I say, quickly turning to him. “Yes, thanks.”
The waiter deposits my food and I pick up a spoon, but I can’t eat. I’m too flabbergasted by everything Josh just said. How could he have felt all this and never mentioned it? If he was annoyed by my singing, then why didn’t he say? And as for the photography book, I thought he’d bought it for himself! Not for me! How was I supposed to know it meant so much to him?
“Well!” Sadie bounces up to me and slides into the seat opposite. “That was interesting. Now you know where it all went wrong. I agree about the singing,” she adds. “You are rather tuneless.”
Doesn’t she have an ounce of sympathy?
“Well, thanks.” I keep my voice low and gaze morosely into my soup. “You know the worst thing? He never said any of this stuff to my face. None of it! I could have fixed it! I would have fixed it.” I start crumbling a piece of bread into pieces. “If he’d just given me a chance-”
“Shall we go now?” She sounds bored.
“No! We haven’t finished!” I take a deep breath. “Go and ask him what he liked about me.”
“What he liked about you?” Sadie gives me a dubious look. “Are you sure there was anything?”
“Yes!” I hiss indignantly. “Of course there was! Go on!”
Sadie opens her mouth as though to speak-then shrugs and heads back across the restaurant. I push my earpiece in more firmly and dart a glance over at Josh. He’s sipping his wine and skewering olives with a metal pick while Marie talks.
“… three years is a long time.” I hear her lilting voice over the buzz and crackle. “And, yes, it was hard to finish, but he wasn’t right, and I’ve never regretted it or looked back. I guess what I’m trying to say is… relationships end, but you have to move forward.” She gulps her wine. “You know what I mean?”
Josh is nodding automatically, but I can tell he isn’t hearing a word. He has a bemused look on his face and keeps trying to edge his head away from Sadie, who’s yelling, “What did you love about Lara? Say it! Say it!”
“I loved the way she had so much energy,” he says in a desperate rush. “And she was quirky. She always had some cute necklace on, or a pencil stuffed into her hair or something… And she really appreciated stuff. You know, some girls, you do things for them and they just take it as their due, but she never did. She’s really sweet. Refreshing.”
“Are we talking about your ex-girlfriend again, by any chance?” There’s a steely edge to Marie’s voice, which makes even me wince. Josh seems to come to.
“Shit! Marie. I don’t know what’s got into me. I don’t know why I’m even thinking about her.” He rubs his brow, looking so freaked out I almost feel sorry for him.
“If you ask me, you’re still obsessed,” Marie says tightly.
“What?” Josh gives a shocked burst of laughter. “I’m not obsessed! I’m not even interested in her anymore!”
“So why are you telling me how great she was?” I watch, agog, as Marie throws down her napkin, pushes back her chair, and stands up. “Call me when you’re over her.”
“I am over her!” Josh exclaims angrily. “Jesus Christ! This is fucking ridiculous. I hadn’t thought about her until today.” He pushes back his chair, trying to get Marie’s full attention. “Listen to me, Marie. Lara and I had a relationship. It was fine, but it wasn’t great. And then it finished. End of.”
Marie is shaking her head.
“Which is why you bring her up in conversation every five minutes.”
“I don’t ! ” Josh almost yells in frustration, and a few people at nearby tables look up. “Not normally! I haven’t talked about her or thought about her for weeks! I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me today!”
“You need to sort yourself out,” Marie says, not unkindly. She picks up her bag. “See you, Josh.”