“I’m sorry, ma’am. The system says he’s not here, so I can’t let you back.”
“Your system is wrong!” So much for not getting worked up. I was freaking the fuck out now. I wouldn’t be kept from JC because some noble security guard wanted to play by the rules. “Can you call a supervisor? Or one of the nurses from the ICU?”
“No one’s going to let you back there, Ms. Anders. No matter who I call.”
Russ, who’d been hanging back behind me, came to stand at my side. “Is there a problem I can help with?”
“Yes!” I turned to face him. “Do you have a contact number for Drew?”
He shook his head. “Sorry. Dom’s the only one who works with Drew.”
“Dom, then. Can you get him on the phone?”
Less than a minute later, I was talking to Dom on Russ’s phone. “They say he’s checked out, Dom. They say he’s gone. That can’t be right. I was on time.”
He hesitated, and though it was only for a second, it was enough to tell me that he had something hard to say. That’s when I knew. I knew JC had gone without me.
“No,” I said before Dom got the words out. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it unless you’re going to tell me where he is and how to get to him.”
“I can’t, Gwen. Even if I wanted to. I don’t know where he is.”
“No. Don’t. Don’t say that.” I was having trouble drawing air into my lungs. “Call Drew. It can’t be too late to join him. They couldn’t have left too long ago. I can still catch up.”
“Drew isn’t going to tell you anything. And he’s long gone now. He checked out this morning.”
This morning. He never had any intention of waiting for the paternity results. It didn’t matter if Chandler was the father or not—JC had planned to leave me either way.
I fell to my knees, dropping the phone. Deep, soundless sobs shuddered through my body, and there, outside the Intensive Care Unit, I grieved the loss of JC as intensely as if he’d died.
***
Eventually, Russ convinced me it was best to go back home before the hospital personnel decided I needed to be sedated. Home was the last place I wanted to be—I’d left with the idea that I wouldn’t return, at least not for a long time. How could I be there again without JC?
But I had nowhere else to go. I wasn’t supposed to let on that JC had left town, and I was too devastated to hold my emotions in. That ruled out going to Norma’s or Ben’s or Laynie’s. So when Russ gave the address of our condo to the cab driver, I didn’t argue.
By the time we arrived at our destination, I’d gone relatively numb. My head throbbed and my stomach ached from the intense crying, but they were the only feelings I allowed myself to acknowledge. The other emotions—grief, rage, betrayal, heartache—lay just below the surface of my deadened exterior. I’d have to deal with those soon enough. Now, I only wanted to sleep.
Dazed, I didn’t notice the figure standing against the wall by the entrance to my building until he’d called my name.
I turned toward the familiar voice but couldn’t manage a greeting or even a smile.
Chandler rushed to my side, worry etched on his youthful features. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Are you hurt?”
Another wave of emotion swept through me, but I managed to suppress it. “I’m fine,” I lied. “It’s JC.” While I’d never been a good liar, with years of hiding the abuse inflicted by my father, I’d at least learned how to twist the truth. “He was shot yesterday. I’ve just come back from the hospital.”
“Oh my God.” His concern seemed genuine, despite what I was sure he felt for JC. “Is he…is he going to make it?”
“He is.” Wherever he was, at least I had that. It didn’t feel very comforting though. In some ways, it would be easier if he’d died. Then I’d know he’d left without having a choice. As it was, he’d gone of his own free will.
How could he do that to me? How could he leave me alone and pregnant? Tears welled at my eyes.
Chandler opened his arms to embrace me, then seemed to think better of it. “I don’t know what to do. Is it okay if I hug you?”
I nodded. I needed human touch. Needed a shoulder to cry on. Chandler cared for me, and I didn’t feel guilty at all for leaning on him when he was there and JC wasn’t.
Chandler wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his shirt. “I’m so sorry, Gwenny,” he said, gently rocking me back and forth. “I shouldn’t be here. This isn’t what you need right now.”