“Did this happen with Paul? When you first fell in love with him?”
“Of course. One day, he’d be all I could think about, and the next, I’d wonder whether I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And here’s a little secret – sometimes it still happens. I know I love him, but I’m not sure I love him enough to date him forever. I want to get married and have children. Or at least one. And by the way? His parents don’t like me that much, and I struggle with that, too.”
“Why don’t they like you?”
“They think I talk too much. And that I’m too opinionated.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I know, right?”
Maria laughed before growing serious again. “I think it’s hard because everything about Colin and me just seems so… foreign. With Luis, it all made sense. We were friends first, and even after we were dating, it must have been six months before I told him that I loved him. My parents liked him, and he came from a good family, and there was nothing about his past to even question.”
“If memory serves, I believe you also told me that Serena didn’t like Luis at all. And in the end, he turned out to be a selfish jerk.”
Oh yeah. That. “But…”
“Luis was your first love. You can’t compare what happened then with what’s happening now.”
“That’s what I just said.”
“You’re missing my point. My point is that first loves always make sense because you don’t know any better. Everything is a first and any warning bells are drowned out by the sheer novelty of it all. In the beginning, anyway. Now you’re older and wiser, and you need someone in your life who’s older and wiser, too. You want someone who doesn’t play games, and with Colin, what you see is what you get. You trust him and you enjoy spending time with him. Or at least, that’s what you’ve been telling me.”
“And you don’t think it’s moving too fast?”
“Compared to what? It’s your life. My advice is to go with the flow and take it one day at a time. And again, what you’re feeling today is perfectly normal.”
“I’d rather not feel this way at all.”
“Who would? But I have a hunch that you’ll feel better as soon as you talk to him again. That’s the way it usually works.”
Maria pushed her lonely piece of sushi around, finally beginning to feel the first pangs of hunger. “I hope you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Love makes everything complicated, and emotions always go wild in the beginning. But when it’s real, you should hold on tight, because we’re both old enough to know that true love doesn’t come along all that often.”
After lunch with Jill, Maria did feel better. Maybe not entirely normal, but at the very least somewhat centered again. The more she thought about it, the more she recognized that Jill had been right about pretty much everything. Falling in love was a little frightening and enough to make anyone a bit screwy in the beginning. It had been so long that she’d forgotten what it was supposed to feel like.
Jill had also been spot-on when she’d assured Maria that talking to Colin would help settle her doubts. He called a little after four while he was on his way to work. Although they didn’t chat for long, simply hearing his voice seemed to diminish the tension in her neck and shoulders. And when he asked if she was free the following evening and whether they could spend time together, she realized how much she wanted exactly that.
The thought of spending time with Colin after work made the following day pass more quickly than usual. Even Barney – who either dropped by her office or called a dozen times to get the latest updates on various matters – couldn’t shake her good spirits. When the phone rang halfway through the afternoon, she answered automatically, expecting to hear Barney’s voice, only to hear Jill on the other end.
“Now he’s just showing off,” her friend announced.
It took a second to identify the voice. “Jill?”
“So either the two of you got into a fight last night and he’s hoping for forgiveness, or he’s trying to make other men look bad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Colin. And the bouquet of roses he just sent you.”
“He sent roses?”
“What did you think I was talking about? The delivery guy is waiting for you.”
Maria glanced at her phone, noting the extension. “Why are you calling from Gwen’s phone in the lobby?”
“Because I happened to be talking to Gwen when the delivery guy walked in, and I insisted that I be allowed to call you because this is getting ridiculous. Do you know how often Paul has sent me roses at work? Try never. And if you don’t get out here soon, I might take the bouquet and stomp on it because it’s making me question my entire relationship again. And believe me – you don’t want that on your conscience.”
Maria laughed. “No stomping, okay? I’ll be right there.”
When she entered the lobby, she spotted Jill standing beside a deliveryman in a baseball cap who was, sure enough, holding a bouquet of pink roses. Before she could thank him, the delivery guy handed the bouquet to her and abruptly turned away. A moment later, the lobby door was closing behind him, almost like he’d never been there at all.
“Charming fellow,” Jill commented. “He couldn’t even make small talk. He just kept saying your name whenever I asked a question. But you have to admit the bouquet is gorgeous.”