“Not yet. I wouldn’t mind getting under the covers, though.”
After they slipped between the sheets, Ben ended up spooned behind her, tucking her against his body, almost completely immobilizing her.
“Thanks for inviting me to your folks’ party.”
“You’re welcome. You deserved to be there. You fit right in.”
“Which is odd, given I’m never around my family, and rarely around so many kids.”
“The McKays were out in full force today.”
“You were…scarce.”
His rough-tipped fingers trailed up and down her arm. “That’s the way it goes. I’m considered one of the quiet ones, a man of few words, and usually none of importance, so no one pays much attention to me.”
“But that gives you the opportunity to pay attention to them.” She paused. “Is that why you’re so in tune with…people? Because you’ve spent a lifetime observing?”
“Probably. And without goin’ all psychobabble, I’ve been the middle boy. Even now that Gavin is around I’m still in the middle. Quinn…well, Dad thinks the sun rises and sets with Quinn. And Chase is the superstar golden child. Kinda hard to stand out. So I’ve always figured it’s better to blend.”
Ainsley tried to roll over to look into his eyes, but he held her in place. “Blend? Hate to break it to you, but you don’t blend. You are…” Maybe he wouldn’t appreciate her insight so she held back.
“I’m what?”
“Forceful. You’re easily the most forceful man in the room. In any room. Whether at the club or amidst your relatives.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. We kept our distance today. But I knew where you were at all times. Your body was the moon, I was the tide and you had a pull on me. Which I had to resist, you jerk.” She lightly elbowed him in the gut.
Ben chuckled.
“I will say you were sporting a pretty serious back off aura today. I didn’t see many of your relatives approach you besides Chase. And the two younger guys, but they didn’t stick around long.”
“That’d be Tell and Dalton. There’s a family dynamic that’d take me the rest of the damn night and part of tomorrow to explain.” He traced the backs of her knuckles. “I guess I wasn’t aware I had that vibe today.”
“I’m glad to hear it’s just today and not every day.” She fell silent again.
“I hate when you do that, angel. ’Cause I know them wheels are churning. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I just wondered how much of that standoffishness happened after you accepted your dominant nature. Like if you let the people closest to you see that part of you, you were afraid they wouldn’t accept it.”
He muttered, “They won’t accept it.” He stroked her skin. “You came up with all of these observations just today?”
“I’m a pretty good judge of people, Ben. My ex-husband notwithstanding. I worried about that same kind of stuff with him. He didn’t accept that sexual part of me. And I never asked him to do half the things to me that you’ve done to me. So I understand your need to keep that part of your life secret. Dean…actually threatened to tell our friends, my boss, our coworkers, and our parents about my kinky sex requests. For months, every time I saw our coworkers snickering, I worried he’d over-shared at the water cooler.”
Ben rolled and brought her on top of him, clamping one hand on her ass to keep her from squirming away. The other hand held her jaw. “One—I don’t do things to you, I do things for you. Big difference. Two—I’m proud of you for realizing his hang-ups are not yours and for takin’ a chance to live the life you want. Three—if I ever meet that self-serving motherfucker, I will beat his ass bloody. There’s no bigger sin than breaking a confidence. He was your husband for Christsake. He was supposed to be a safe haven for you, not lead the charge in ridiculing you.”
This man, who’d known her three weeks, had a better grasp on her, on who she was at the most basic level, and yet embraced her complexities and understood her insecurities, better than any man ever had. No one in her past—man or woman—had ever stood up for her like Ben. No one had ever built her up by knocking down the walls she’d been hiding behind. That knowledge both buoyed her and brought despair, because this thing between her and Ben had an end date.
Didn’t it?
She closed her eyes, feeling those stupid, unwelcome tears trying to break free. She jerked from his hold. And he let her go.
But Ben didn’t release her. He merely returned her to her previous position and held her while she composed herself. He let the brush of his hands on her skin soothe her in ways words couldn’t. Sometimes being a man a few words had its benefits.
She whispered, “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
“I’m tired.”
Ben kissed her temple. “Go to sleep.”
“Are you staying?”
“For a little while.”
She punched her pillow. “I know we haven’t spent the night together much, but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Why is that?” He bumped his pelvis into her backside. “’Cause I’m likin’ this a whole bunch.”
How could she tell him sharing the same bed seemed more intimate than sex? Sleeping she felt even more vulnerable. Had Layla been right? Being in his bed surrounded by his warm body was a gateway drug to wanting more? More of what she couldn’t have?
“Ainsley?”
“Sorry. I started to doze off.” She kissed his biceps.
“Liar,” he whispered in her ear. “And just so you know, you’re welcome in my bed any night. I’ll even kick the dogs out for you.”
She laughed. “Well, I doubt my cats will be so accommodating.”
Chapter Nineteen
Before he got busy filling his day cutting logs and boards for a furniture order, Ben loaded up his dogs and headed to Rielle’s.
Unlike Chase, he didn’t consider it strange Gavin had chosen to stay at Rielle’s bed and breakfast. It was neutral territory and he wasn’t beholden to anyone’s schedule. He hadn’t talked to Gavin much yesterday, and he realized he’d never had a one-on-one, face-to-face conversation alone with his oldest brother and it was past time.
Plus, he had to approach Rielle about her financial situation, as Tell and Dalton had reminded him last night, regardless of what kind of mood she was in, regardless if he was uncertain about where his portion would come from.