Her heart ached with the wish that it was she who had made Hal happy, but a high-pitched peal of childish laughter, accompanied by a huge splash and Hal's deep chuckle of amusement, told the truer story. Her smile held a tinge of irony.
'I think it's David who's softened Hal, Owen. He loves his son very much.' And he doesn't love me, she added sadly to herself.
'Hey, Pop, watch me!' cried David, the moment they walked out on to the patio. He scrambled out of the pool with a helpful shove from Hal and jumped in again, dog-paddling towards his father, who kept moving backwards just one stroke out of reach. Right across the pool he swam, finally grabbing Hal as he backed against the poolside.
Owen and Karen applauded as Hal lifted him out, and David was beside himself with triumph. Hal grinned at Karen and her heart turned over. She wondered if her answering smile revealed the feeling which was gradually consuming her.
'Why don't you get change and come in with us, Karen?' Hal invited warmly. 'You won't mind sitting on the sideline for a while, will you, Dad?'
'Not if I can watch a beautiful woman in a bikini,' Owen replied with a teasing twinkle in his eyes.
Karen quickly demurred, excusing herself by saying she had to keep an eye on the lunch she was cooking. A bikini bared too much of her body and she did not want Hal to notice anything different about her. She was all too conscious of the slight thickening of her waistline and the heightened sensitivity of her breasts.
The Sunday luncheon was a happy meal, with Hal being particularly charming to Karen in front of his father, and David tickled pink to be the centre of Pop's attention. Afterwards, while David had an afternoon nap, Owen and Hal discussed some media issues which were concerning them, and it was obvious that they were once more in tune with each other. When Owen finally suggested taking his leave, Hal went upstairs to see if David was awake, and it was then that Owen dropped his bombshell.
'Is there something you should be telling me, Karen?' he asked with a knowing little smile.
She shrugged, denying any unease at the question. 'I don't know what you mean.'
He shook his head indulgently at her. 'There's a time in a woman's life, no matter how beautiful she is, when she's positively radiant. Her skin glows with health and vitality, her eyes are brilliant, and her hair gleams. I'm old and my eyes may be tired, but if my memory isn't defective, you give me that impression now. Have you told Hal?'
There was no mistaking his meaning, and Karen flushed to the roots of her gleaming hair. 'It ... it hasn't been confirmed. I haven't been to a doctor yet.'
'You haven't told him. Well, go to a doctor, my dear, and don't delay about it. There's no more wonderful news in the world, but it will remain our little secret until Hal gives me the word.'
Karen queUed the rise of panic and spoke with quiet insistence. 'You must let me do it my way, Owen.'
His expression of indulgence turned to puzzlement. He sighed and shook his head. 'You play a deep hand, Karen, but rest assured I won't interfere. God knows you've performed miracles in the last few weeks.'
Relief surged through her and she gave him a grateful smile. 'If I ever need advice on a takeover, I'll come to you, Owen.'
He chuckled. 'My dear, I suspect you're the expert, not me.'
She was no expert on anything, especially not on Hal, Karen thought despondently. Don't delay, Owen had advised, and the advice kept taunting her consdence long after Owen had gone. Hal had the right to know that she was pregnant, and it troubled her that she had not told him, but she could not forget his words to her that first afternoon.
He had declared then that he would not leave her alone until she became pregnant. What if he did leave her alone once he knew she was carrying his child? Karen no longer wanted him to leave her alone. It had only been at the first signs of pregnancy that she had finally acknowledged to herself that she loved Hal, deeply and irrevocably. She was afraid to risk any change to their present relationship now. However frustrated she felt with its limitations, it was better than anything she had ever had before.
The problem preyed on her mind over the next few days. She finally decided that it was wrong to keep her pregnancy a secret from him. That was what Kirsty had done, and he would feel cheated again if she did not tell him now, at the outset. Having screwed up her courage, Karen felt hopelessly dampened when Hal came home from work in a black mood.
It had happened twice before, and Karen instantly recognised the signs; the shuttered expression, the dark, brooding stillness of his eyes, the withdrawn manner that not even David could pierce. Any response to his son was reluctant and short, carrying a pained patience that discouraged further attempts at communication. He virtually ignored Karen, making her shrink inside herself.
She did not know what private demons he nursed during these times, whether they were related to his work, or her, or David, or the past. It worried her that Kirsty might not have married Hal because she had known him too well, and knew that marriage did not suit him. Perhaps he was chafing at the restrictions it imposed and he wanted the freedom that he had had with her sister. The seeds of doubt took away all Karen's happiness in the good times they had shared.
The black mood persisted long after David had been put to bed. Dinner was eaten in silence. Karen despaired of ever understanding Hal. He was her husband and he exerted a charismatic influence over her life, yet he was stilI very much an enigma to her. The need to reach out to him and break the barriers between them grew stronger by the minute. She searched her mind for some line to take, but all she could think of was the baby. Surely he would be pleased by that news. He loved David, and he had said he wanted children.
'Hal .. .'
He had been brooding over his cup of coffee and when he raised his head and met her look of appeal, the expression in the grey eyes choked the words in her throat. Reproach, hatred, anger, bitterness ... all that was hostile and negative glared back at her. A flicker of guilt shadowed the intense emotion just before he dropped his gaze again.
'What is it?' he muttered uninterestedly.
'It ... it doesn't matter,' Karen said faintly, too shattered by that one look to say what she had planned. Tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, but not now, she thought despairingly.
Hal did not press her. He sat on, sunk in his own black reverie, not even seeming to notice when Karen cleared the table. Nor did he give any sign that he heard her when Karen said goodnight to him some time later. She went to bed alone and lay in the darkness, fretting over the future. She wanted Hal to be happy with her, but she did not know how to go about achieving tliat.
She was still awake when he came upstairs. He joined her in bed without a word, but made no move to touch her. Chilled by the terrible sense of separation, Karen reached out a hand and tentatively stroked his arm. It was as if she had activated a switch that released uncontrollable-passion.