The flat was an absolute tip. Used dishes covered every level surface. Clothes were piled haphazardly, making it impossible to tell the dirty from the clean. She changed into jeans and a t-shirt and set about getting the place sorted. At least she wouldn’t have too much time to think if she were busy.
Her father looked up once or twice as she moved around the room, gathering the plates and endless cups of half-drunk tea. There wasn’t much in the fridge, but using her newly learned cooking skills, she managed to put together a decent meal.
“Thanks.” Her father looked surprised at the plate she handed to him. “Wow, this looks and smells really good.” He ate hungrily. “I’ve been living on hospital food and canned beans for the past week.”
They finished the meal in silence, and she went back to setting the flat in order. At six o’clock they made a brief visit to the hospital to relieve James while he went to get something to eat. Janice never woke up while they were there.
“They had to up her morphine to deal with the pain,” James informed them on his return. “The doctor said she would probably be unconscious most of the time now.”
“Call us if she wakes and wants to see us,” Sophia said as they left, giving James a hug. He looked so despondent, the way she’d felt for months after Ben had died.
She returned to the flat with her father and finished the cleaning. Her whole body ached from the effort to fight off the memories. But it didn’t compare with the pain of missing Luca. She tossed and turned for an hour before finally falling into a disturbed sleep in her old bed.
• • •
Sophia woke early the next morning, and after a quick breakfast of tea and toast made her way to the hospital. She’d left a note for her father telling him where she’d gone. He’d looked so tired the night before, she didn’t have the heart to wake him. Besides, she could use a little time on her own.
“James, why don’t you go home and get some proper rest? I’ll sit with her now.”
James looked up bleary eyed at her and nodded his assent. “She hasn’t woken up. Call if there’s any change. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
She sat beside her dying mother, holding her hand. It was hard to equate the frail woman in the bed with her memories. Although her mother had been a mere shadow in her life, she’d always been a vivacious, beautiful woman and that was how Sophia tried to remember her.
If it were Sophia lying in the bed, her last hours ebbing away, how would she want to be remembered? As a great interior designer, having made homes stylish across northern Italy? Or as a wonderful wife, a loving mother, the nucleus who held a family together? The answer was obvious.
It was almost noon before the rest of the family arrived, en masse. Her father appeared more rested and was freshly shaven. Sarah still looked on the verge of tears, but managed a watery smile for Sophia.
“Sorry it took me so long. I had to wait for my boyfriend to come and look after the children. He’s a policeman and was on night shift,” Sarah added, almost triumphantly.
“How did you meet a policeman?” James had told her that Sarah finally had a decent boyfriend, and she was interested to learn more about him.
“His name is Andrew, and he came to arrest my previous boyfriend, baby Rose’s father. Andrew was so sweet. He came back the next day to see if I was okay, and the day after that. When he had his first day off, he came and took the children to the park with me. He loves them and they love him. And before you ask, we’re not living together. He says I’ve had enough men treat me badly; he wants to show me what a gentleman is like.”
“He sounds wonderful. I look forward to meeting him,” Sophia said, genuinely pleased for her sister. In some ways, Sarah was the stronger one. Despite all the disappointments and heartbreaks, her sister had never lost faith in love. Maybe it was time Sophia trusted it, too.
Before she worked out how to get her business-first husband to love her, the hospital room door was thrust aside and two huge men strode into the room. It took a moment for Sophia to recognize the first one as her brother, Paul. His blonde hair was cut so short he looked bald, and his blue eyes were hard and filled with hate. He scanned the room as if looking for a fight. Catching sight of her, his face softened. When he smiled, she saw a hint of her brother as he’d been, before.
The other man checked out the room and its occupants, looking out the window and into the small attached toilet. He appeared satisfied that escape was impossible, so went to stand out in the hall in front of the door. The back of his jacket was emblazoned with the words HM Prison Service.
James leaned over his mother and spoke into her ear. “Mum, Paul is here to see you. Please wake up.”
After what seemed an eternity, Janice found the strength to open her eyes. “All my babies here, except poor Ben. Thank you. I love you all.” Her voice was a whisper but she managed to keep her eyes open while each of them kissed her and told her they loved her. Then they fluttered closed.
Sarah was crying softly and James looked on the point of tears. Sophia wanted to cry, but the sadness she felt was more for the loss of any future relationship with her mother. The woman in the bed was a stranger to her.
Her father sat on one side of the bed with Sarah and James on the other. She and Paul stood at the end, watching their mother’s breathing become more erratic. When one short, shallow breath wasn’t followed by any others, Paul took her hand and squeezed it lightly. Sarah began to cry in earnest, and James held her in his arms trying to comfort her. Her father still held her mother’s hand, whispering over and over that he loved her.
“I’ll let the nurses know,” Sophia said after a couple of minutes. “I also have a couple of calls to make so I’ll be back in ten minutes or so.” She so desperately needed to hear Luca’s voice, it was frightening.
“I’ll come with you,” Paul added, his soft tone at odds with his hard man persona. “I need a smoke.”
They stopped by the nurses’ station and then made their way outside. Paul’s guard followed behind them.
“I wanted to say sorry to you,” they both began at once.
“Sorry! What do you have to apologize for?” Paul asked, surprised. “I’m the one who ruined your life.”
“Oh, Paul, you didn’t ruin it. You just redirected it. I want to apologize for grassing on you and then never coming to visit you in prison. I’m sorry, I was a coward.” She looked up at him, wanting, needing his forgiveness.