“You ready to go?” I said to Will when he opened the door.
“Yeah. We’re Simon-less again.”
“Typical.”
“Is Aud coming?” Will said.
“Think so.”
Audrey and Will were still dancing on eggshells around each other. I was at the point where I just wanted to lock them in a closet for several hours so they’d just realize they were perfect for one another, but I’d probably get in trouble for that.
They’d thank me after, though.
We walked one building over to grab Audrey. I made Will do the door knocking.
“Hey girl,” I said. “You coming to dinner?”
She grabbed her coat and gloves. “Yeah, sure. I have to make it quick. I’m behind on this stupid project.”
“Are you sure you’re actually behind?”
“Yes, I am actually behind.” Audrey set these crazy deadlines for herself and claimed she was ‘behind’ if she missed one of them, but she always had the paper or project done ages before anyone else.
“She loved the dress,” Katie said as Audrey got her coat.
“You knew about the dress?” Katie and Audrey had somehow, inexplicably, become friends. I was still puzzling over that one.
“Of course. She helped pick it out,” Katie said.
“Hey, Aud,” Will said, falling into step with her as I walked next to Katie.
“Hey,” she said softly. The nickname never failed to make her blush just a tiny bit.
“She loved it, so this means you have to come to the party,” Katie said, pouting at Audrey. “Please?”
She shook her head and put her hands up, as if to halt Katie’s line of “I can’t. I have a huge project. Otherwise I would.”
“You are so full of crap.” Katie skipped ahead and held the door for all of us.
“What party?” Will said to Audrey.
Katie was the one who answered, now skipping along the sidewalk. “Halloween party at Kappa Sigma. You in? All you need is a costume.”
Will thought about it for a second. “I’ve got my Jedi outfit from last year.”
I grabbed his arm and made him stop walking. “You are not wearing that in public. Again.”
He pulled his arm away. “I didn’t spend all that money on a lightsaber replica just to keep it in the case.”
“You have a lightsaber?” Audrey said.
Will gave her his girl-melting smile. Finally, he was on his game. “Yeah. That make me a total geek?”
She gave him a come hither smile back. “Not if having a complete set of wands does.”
“You have the wand set? I freaking hate you,” I said.
“My parents got them for me last Christmas. It was the only thing I wanted.”
Katie gave me a look, but I just shrugged. I understood. I glanced back at Will and Audrey and they were talking about their shared fangirling and fanboying.
“Hey Will—” I grabbed Katie’s arm and cut her off, jerking my head to indicate the cozy little conversation I didn’t want disturbed.
She winked and walked faster, leaving more space in between us and the other two.
“You should just get them drunk. It would work a lot faster. That’s how Zack got me the first time. It was in the back of his truck on a tarp. Totally romantic, I know.”
I’d relaxed my ‘no talking about Zack’ restriction, so she talked more about their relationship. It was kind of impossible for her not to talk about him. I just pretended he was some other guy I hadn’t met named Zack and I was able to listen without throwing up in my mouth.
“If nothing happens by Christmas, I’m locking them in a closet together,” I said.
“Good plan.”
As if Katie’s mention of his name had conjured him up, he was sitting alone in the dining hall when we got there. We were having an early dinner, so it was relatively empty.
“Does he have any friends?” Will asked Katie.
“Not really,” Katie said, giving him a quick glance. She was always super weird when she saw him, and I didn’t know if it had to do with me, or with Zack, or with something else. I’d never asked.
I’d been able to control a lot of my verbal outbursts lately. Will said it had something to do with growing up. I wasn’t convinced that was it.
We sat at a table on the other side of the dining hall, and I knew it was just because of me.
“What’s the verdict on the Halloween party?” Katie said. “Are you in?” She pointed her finger at Will.
“Yeah, I’m in. Someone has to keep this girl in line,” he said, jabbing his thumb at me. “You’re not going as Jane Austen to a frat party, are you?”
“First of all, I was Elizabeth Bennet and second, no. Katie came up with my costume. I’m doing Marilyn.”
“There isn’t a lot of cl**vage involved, is there? I really don’t feel like spending my night fending off drunken morons who are staring at your chest.” He shuddered.
“You can just vanquish them with your lightsaber. You know, use the force.” I wiggled my fingers in front of his face and he smacked them away.
His face went red and he glanced at Audrey. “Shut up.”
“I’m sure I won’t be the most scandalously dressed girl there,” I said.
“She won’t be,” Katie said. “I can guarantee some of the costumes will have nipple action.”
Will’s face went redder and his fork clattered to the floor. I was kind of enjoying this. It was a welcome distraction from him.
“And sooner or later, there will definitely be some vag flashed by more than one girl.” Katie was clearly enjoying this too. If Audrey hadn’t been there, Will would have been laughing and having a good time. But she was, so he squirmed in his seat.
“Fine, I’ll come,” Audrey said. “I think I’ve got something I can throw together.” She tapped her chin as if she was mentally going through her closet.
“You going to share, or is it a surprise?” Will said, leaning closer to her.
“Oh no, I’m not telling. You’ll see.”
She smirked and I thought Will was going to melt into a puddle on the floor.
He coughed and went to get a new fork.
“It’s not really fair to torture him like that,” I said to her.
“Why not? It’s way too easy.” Katie said.
“Stop it,” Audrey said. Now who was red-faced?
Will came back and they looked like a matched pair. Katie smirked at me and I tried not to laugh. We were both barely holding it together when something out of the corner of my eye attracted my attention. He was taking his tray back to the conveyor belt. He kept his eyes forward, but glanced once in my direction at the same time I was watching him and our eyes locked.
The world halted for a fraction of a second, and then he blinked and looked away. I had to hold onto the table, because it felt as if he’d dragged me forward in that moment.
“Lot?” Will said.
“Yeah.” My eyes followed as he walked toward the door.
“You’re staring at him.”
“I know,” I said, still watching.
“Hey!” Will snapped his fingers in front of my face and I stopped watching his back as he left.
“Are you sure you couldn’t, maybe, talk to him?” Will said, flinching back as if I was going to hit him for saying it.
“Stop flinching, I’m not going to hit you, idiot.”
An uncomfortable silence fell over the table, and I finished my salad just for something to do.
“I’m not saying you should see him, or anything. Just talk to him. I know you miss him,” Will said.
“I don’t miss him,” I lied.
Everyone sort of shared a look. They all knew.
“So do you want to come and get ready with us on Friday night?” Katie said to Audrey.
“Yeah, that would be great.”
Zan
I’d hoped by hunching my shoulders and sitting in the corner, she wouldn’t see me. I ate fast and kept my eyes away from her, but it was no use.
Our eyes met and for that moment I wanted to say f**k it, walk over, pick her up and carry her to my room, shut the door and kiss her and talk to her and get her nak*d and let things happen.
My hands shook as I left. It was time for another run.
I’d run every day and at least once during the night in the past few weeks. The one night of sleep I’d gotten when she was with me was only a memory. I was even leaner than I’d been when I came to school. I’d been eating less too, so I’d lost a bit of weight. Zack was on me about it, but I ignored him. I didn’t really care all that much.
Miss Carole was worried about me. She even threatened to come down and yell at me if I didn’t get my act together. I told her my grades were good, and I was going to all my classes, but she could tell I wasn’t doing well in any other area of my life.
I had enough cash stored up from summers of mowing lawns and odd jobs to get me through school, but I was considering a job, just to fill up some more of my time.
When I got back from yet another run in the dark, I went right to the shower. Bruises covered my body from my falls, and I had yet to get all the splinters out of my hands. It’s kind of hard to remove your own hand splinters.
I was just putting on Pink Floyd when there was a knock at the door. Figuring it was Zack, I opened it without looking through the peephole.
“Hi.” Charlotte stood in the hallway, twisting her hands together and making sure her eyes were on anything but my face.
“Hey.” It was the best I could come up with as a response. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m not exactly sure. I just… I wanted to apologize for freaking out and giving you the silent treatment, um, up until now. I realize that ignoring you is kind of a stupid thing to do, because you’re here and I can’t really transfer schools for something this stupid. So. Here I am, saying that I’m not going to ignore you anymore. I don’t think I can go back to what happened before, with, the kissing and all that, but I think we could try maybe being friends. Or something. What do you think?” She’d blinked those sexy blue eyes about a million times during her little speech. I could tell she’d rehearsed it on the way down the stairs.
“I think that I miss you, too,” I said.
I smiled.
“I didn’t say I missed you.” Her eyes traveled up to meet mine. Finally.
“Do you want to come in? Friends can go into friends’ rooms and listen to music, can’t they?”
Her smile appeared. “I guess so.”
“I can leave the door open to give you an escape route, if you want.”
She rolled her eyes and came in, pulling the door shut with a click.
“Pink Floyd?” she said after listening for a moment.
“Why not?”
She nodded in agreement.
“Do you want to sit?”
“I’m good.” She paced the room like a tiger in a cage. I should have left the door open.
“Would you like some tea?”
“What?”
I went to my closet and pulled a box of green tea off my shelf. I even had a bottle of honey and some creamer. Miss Carole always made me tea when we had meetings, and I’d come to associate the stuff with soothing and calming.